(Closed) My SIL is gift grubbing for her 3 yr old.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think it’s that far out, but, then again, I’m not that concerned with most of the rules of proper etiquette. I greatly prefer for people to just shoot straight with me rather than skirt the issue or talk in circles to avoid being anything but “proper”. I know I would rather have a list of things to buy a child for his/her birthday rather than trying to choose with no direction.

Post # 18
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper

i don’t see the problem with this…my brother and sister in law insisted we not get them christmas presents this year but a few weeks before they sent a similar list. they knew we were going to get gifts and didn’t want us to waste our money. granted, it’s a little different when it’s my brother….and so it really depends on if you think she didn’t have good intentions, based on your relationship. but it seems pretty harmless to me!

Post # 19
Member
3279 posts
Sugar bee

@7-9-11bride:  Why don’t you just return the gifts that are duplicates or that she doesn’t like?  Once a gift is given you can do with it what you like, as long as you thank the giver promptly.

Post # 20
Member
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Is it really gift “grubbing”?  I always thought it was “grabbing”.

ETA: Sorry, I know that’s off topic, but I do want to know!

Post # 21
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m not really seeing the harm in this email, but you know your SIL’s tone!

Post # 22
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@andielovesj:  The main issue would be during the gift opening where my daughter will loudly exclaim “But I already have this!” 

It’s hard when people ask for suggestions because you can’t really give ideas like “oh she likes Disney princesses and playing dress up” without still ending up with duplicates. If you give an exact suggestion, this color, not that princess etc it can come off as rude. Of course with my in laws I’m very specific. 

I really do understand the reasoning behind the list the OP was offended by. 

Post # 23
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think this is bad at all!

Post # 24
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

Usually I’m begging my sister for a list of things the kiddlets need so I wouldn’t even bat an eyelash at this. It sounds like she was trying to be gracious by saying that gifts aren’t required but if you were inclined (as I’m sure your FIL’s are) then here are things the little one actually WANTS or NEEDS! I see this as helpful not harmful.

Post # 25
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have done this before for family. She is your sister in law I dont get what the problem is wouldnt you rather give a gift the kid will like/actually use? I think it would be a whole lot easier if everyone did this. If you are going to a kids birthday party you are going to bring a gift everyone knows it. 

If I dont get a list like this I always ask and I hate it when people are like well she likes Dora and Barbies. Its like REALLY? Why cant you tell me exactly what she wants.

Post # 26
Member
4886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I really don’t see the problem here, to be honest.  Would you show up to the birthday party without a present?

 

If not, wouldn’t it be nice to know what they actually want instead of something they’ll toss? 

 

Or maybe just a gift card to Target?  Kids love gift cards.  🙂

This totally goes against my dislike for honeymoon registries vs. actual item registries, but in the case of weddings I always give cash anyway.  But that’s for adults and not kids.

Post # 27
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

i understand why the OP thought this was a bit pushy. when i buy for my nephew i check with my sister 1st. if she sent me a list i would feel obligated and gifts are supposed to be given with an open heart. its different if it crops up in conversation and she mentions the wee one needs something. but to formalise it in writing unrequested is a bit much. obviously you’d take a gift along regardless, but its a bit rude to presume.

Post # 28
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My family and friends who might as well be family always ask me, each kiddo birthday what the kid wants or likes. It is soooo much easier to just send out a mass mail then to answer the same question several times, every time. Though, I do keep my email limited to those who I know are going to ask because they always do. 😀

Post # 29
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@MsBrooklynA:  I agree. I always ask about gifts for kids, cuz I never know what they are into, and would prefer to get them something they would actually like! My SIL will now text me with things that particular kid is into, knowing I will ask! :p

Post # 30
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I guess I should edit by saying I don’t really send out a list like your sister has. Instead it’s more like…

This year, Dear Daughter is still very into the color red, puppies, everything Dora, fashion accessories, and drawing whenever she isn’t playing with her Barbies. Despite just getting ready to turn 4, she is sprouting quickly and already wearing 5T clothes and size 11 shoes!!

Then I provide more specified lists when Asked for them.

 

Post # 31
Member
1393 posts
Bumble bee

Both of my sisters send out a similar list. We all love it because we never know what the kids have and what they’re into at the moment. My niece just turned at eight and my sister sent us a list of book series that she’s really into right now. On her birthday she got a lot of books that she’s excited to read. I think without a list you would still end up with a lot of gifts because let’s face it, most people bring a gift to a birthday party, especially for children. But maybe a giant barbie dream house or surprise new pet or something else that a well-intentioned family member or friend brings as a gift is something that they really do not have room for. Personally I know my sister does it in part to keep the grandparents from going overboard.

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