(Closed) My SIL is gift grubbing for her 3 yr old.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

I dont think this is that bad. I mean maybe its a bit forward. However, as a mom of a 7 year old boy who has every damn toy under the sun because he is spoiled, there are a few things that he may want or things he may need and thats what we ask people who are choosing to get a gift to get for him. No use getting a gift he either is not going to like, or is just going to float around my house making more of a mess. I do not push for people to get gifts but if its his birthday, and Im having a get together people are going to bring gifts no matter what, so I would rather it be something they are not going to be wasting their money on. this is no different from a wedding registry, just on a smaller scale. generally people know some not specific things that new couples need to set up house, so why set up a registry? because you want people to get wha tyou need specifically and in the style or whatever that you want, not just a gift. No harm done here imo.

Post # 33
13701 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly,I don’t think this sounds bad at all.  The part you bolded shows that she doesn’t expect gifts, and after that, lists some options of things that would be useful IF you still wanted to get something.

Post # 34
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m really confused as to why we all like to pretend to have parties and say the gifts don’t matter.  I mean, would you show up empty handed to a 3-yr old’s birthday party? A bridal shower? Christmas (or other holiday tradition) with the family? Probably not.  Wouldn’t it be nice to know what would be the best gift for that occasion?  

She said she didn’t expect or encourage, so I don’t see the issue.  In-laws or not, you’re family now and I think the etiquette is different. 

Post # 35
5427 posts
Bee Keeper

@KristenGotMarried:  Or maybe just a gift card to Target?  Kids love gift cards.  🙂

I would suggest a gift card to the child, then the parents can go to the store with the child and have her pick out her own present! I’m sure that would be ultimate fun for the child!

Post # 37
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think if she sending it close friends and family it’s fine. Quite frankly I know kids have ton of toys and I struggle on knowing what to get for them and I think it’s fine and she asking for second hand bike, and things that aren’t really that expensive.

Post # 38
1231 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t see it as a bad thing. I thought it was going to be a wedding registry with kid stuff on it lol. But for a kid’s birthday, I appreciate a list, asked for or not. I just had to go shopping for SO’s nephew and I had to go off of what he liked 6 months ago, because his parents said “oh he doesn’t need anything”. I’m not going to show up to a 5 year old’s birthday with nothing! Luckily he was still into the same stuff, but that will change soon i’m sure lol. And clothes? forget it! I never get the sizes right.

I would give her a break on the list. If it was for her, ok then that’s gift grabby, but for a kid? Not so much, in my opinion.

Post # 39
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I wouldn’t have a problem with it. She says right in the begining that she isn’t expecting anything. I take her at her word for this but understand that she is trying to be helpful for those people that are going to get a gift anyway. While rampant consumerism can be annoying, rampant useless conumerism is much worse and I’m all for avoiding gifts people don’t want, whenever possible. Most people have wedding registries for the same reason.

Don’t get a gift, get something on the list, get something else. Doesn’t really matter a whole lot. Just don’t get offended or call her out. It’s not worth it and I don’t think it’s warranted.

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