- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2011
First let me give you a little bit background on this. Me and my sister was really close up until she met her current bf. She has been dating him almost 3 years almost the same time when me and my husband started dating. I just got married to my husband about a month ago and she is still in a bf/gf relationship with hers. When she met him he was still in a relationship with his ex for 7 years. According to my sister they are not doing good anymore and in fact they live 2 hours away from each other. My sister got in a relationship with him knowing that he is still technically in a relationship with his ‘ex’ and they are still seeing each other. According to the bf he couldn’t break up with her because she is threatening to kill herself if he does. They share a properties and few dogs together and he also helps her out with her college education. He promise my sister that he would completely end it with her once she finish school so my sister put up with it for 2 years. I don’t really like this guy in fact we even had a fight at our own house about boxing, mayweather and sister wives. While we were arguing he told me something to the likes of ‘dont worry your sister will be my fist wife and that reason probably why Mayweather punch his wife is because his wife asked for it’. When this was happening my sister picked his side and told me that i instigated the fight. That was over and it was all good again. This guy is very charismatic, he has a flirty personality and would constantly flirt with girls in front of my sister. My sister depended him all the time by saying that is just how he is and it doesn’t mean anything. A year ago the his ex gf finally graduated and my sister told us that they are finally over. We we’re all happy that was the same time when i was planning my wedding. Everyone was involved even him. He’s the type of guy that would always try to get invovled and show off. He would come to my house with random gifts for my family and would always meddle and tell my mom how to cook things and how to clean stuff. My family is ok with him but sometimes they get annoyed because he would try to meddle and tell you what to do. Also her bf and the ex has constant communication and even has dog visitation. Although she lives 2 hours away he would exchange dogs with her once in a while. One time he brought a different dog to our family party and my mom asked him who is that dog and he said it was his ex gf dog. My mom being traditonal and all asked him why do they do that and I dont even remember what he told her. He also has a facebook account that our family doesn’t know and even my sister (her gf) is not even a friend. All these for me are red flags and there’s no point even telling my sister because first she already knows all of this and she said she’s used to it and that is just how he is but it doesn’t mean anything. After my wedding one of my close friend who attended told me that my sister’s bf was flirting with her. I also found a tagged pic online from one of my friend of him and another guest that he’s only met that day and who also happened to be the gf of my husband’s bestman. It was a picture of the two of them all smiles with him holding her waist with his one hand. I don’t want to think much of it but i find it really strange that someone he only met that day would take a picture of them together that looks like they’re a couple. I let it go and didn’t say anything to my sister because from previous experience everytime I would say something to her I would end up like the bad guy. Anyways it’s not that big of a deal anymore.
Just a few weeks ago me and my family notice that she’s really sad and depress lately. Based from experience they know that this happens whenever she gets in a fight with her bf. They would cool off and then get back together. Our close friend did confirm that it’s the case. She talks to her more than she talk to me because we already had incident before and she doesn’t really want to hear it from me. our common friend told me that she was suprise that my sister told her that it’s still not over between the bf and his supposedly ex. I was so furios when i found out about this. I dont know what else would take for her to wake up from all of this. Just yesterday she asked me if i told my mom something because she was asking her all kind of questions about them. I told her i didnt say anything and that my family can tell by how she’s been acting lately that something is wrong. then we started arguing and talking about their relationship. I told her that I’ve been trying my best to not meddle in her business anymore but hearing that he tried to flirt with my friend on my wedding, then the picture and then this. When i told her about this she got mad at me and said to mind my own business.. she said she known this all along that she even knows he comes there on Sundays and spend the whole day there and they exchange dogs. I asked her have you met this girl and did he ever took you there and she couldn’t say anything. She told me to stop meddling and that it’s non of my business anymore what she wants to do with her life. That she knows what their relationship is about and she knows that its just how it is. She told me that only reason why i’m saying this to her is because i want to prove that i’m right about this guy. This hurt me so much. Eversince this guy came along our relationship started to change. She never confides with me anymore and we don’t hangout together. Her bf and my husband doesn’t have anything in common and doesn’t really like each other. Her bf even makes fun of my husband and copies the way he walks behind our back in front of our other relative. They have always been judgemental of my husband from the beginning. When he was in school my sister told me that she would never date a student who doesn’t have a stable job yet and no money of his own. She said that is just not her. I didn’t say anything at that time because i know someday my husband will graduate and will all prove them wrong. He graduated but it took him 2 months to find a job. the whole time she was telling me why can’t he just work at costco for the meantime instead of waiting for an engineering job. I just let it all go until he finally found a job as an engineer and a few months after that he asked me to marry him.
This whole time she’s spending more and more time with him which is ok. She started prioritizing him too much and even my family tells her that they notice the same thing with her. She would constantly battles with my mom about it and she gets mad and frustrated that she can feel that my parents doesn’t really approve this guy. She would always say that all he did is show my family how much he loves her and we judge him like this. Now i feel this wall between us and i dont want our relationship to be completely lost but at the same time i dont feel that i should just go along with this.
Do you agree that this guy is really a phony? or could it be that i’m just reacting too much? my sister would tell me this is just all in my head and that i just think the worst of people. If this guy does all this is there a possibility that whatever he’s telling my sister that all this just means nothing and that it’s not what we think it is. For me little bit of flirting here and there is not bad but at least have the respect to not do it on your gf sister wedding. Also would you guys be ok if your own bf/gf travel 2 hours for dog visitation and spend the whole day there without you?
Am I just overreacting? She always depends all this by telling me that I’m so close minded and just black and white. She always tell me some relationship just works differently and there are worst relationship and things out there. Do you think i’m reasonable to think like this.