(Closed) My sister (a BM) is making plans with estranged family that is not invited

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
46336 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, you are estranged. She, obviously is not.

 

Post # 4
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

A little bit.

She has her right to be a part of that side of the family even if you are not.  I do think she should be aware enough that she has to get herself there and back without you involved.  I also think that she is spending most of the “non-free” nights with you and events with you so if she wants to spend a day with them that is OK. 

I get feeling annoyed, but you cant put conditions on what she does with some of her time- even if you did pay for her to get there. If seeing these people start to take over, that is a different story, but if she escapes for one day. That is her right.

My mom paid for my upbringing. If my bio-father who she hasnt seen in 20 years was in the area of my mom and she flew me home for xmas, would it not be OK for for me to visit him one night? 

Post # 5
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Just because you are estanged, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t still want to see then when she has the chance.   Don’t let it bother you, I don’t think she’s doing it out of spite to hurt you.

Post # 6
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I could see how since you didn’t give your thoughts on last minute details she would think she would have time to make the rounds…

I’m not estranged to my family where I live but not nearly as close to them as my sis… when she came down for the wedding I gave her the itinerary before she ever made the officially plan of what day she was coming…. had I not I know that she would’ve assumed I had nothing planned and had made the rounds.

I would get your thoughts together on specifics for what you want to do and then talk those through with her. Otherwise yes, it would be a bit demanding that she didn’t make the rounds to see family that she isn’t estranged from… it’s not her problem, it’s yours.

sorry for the harshness =/

Post # 9
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@ms bench: OK so the real problem is not that she is seeing other family that you happen to be estranged to.

Its that she is not acting the way you thought your relationship warranted, especially considering history of her prior actions (you thought she had changed). I would talk to her about the real problem.

Tell her that in the past you felt like she didnt support you because she breezed in and out, left without saying good bye or spending the right amount of time with you. Tell her that this time, now that you are closer and the only siblings left, you hope that she will be able to be around more.  

Post # 12
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@ms bench: Sadly, some people just arent going to be what you want them to be. You either except them as they are, or distance yourself from them. I hope she can meet you halfway. I learned the week of my wedding and after that my step-sister, who once upon a time we had a great relationship, is no longer a friend, sister or anything for that matter. 

I truly hope you enjoy everything no matter what.

Post # 13
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Honestly, I’d be kind of irked if I were you, too.  You paid for her flight and are giving her a place to stay and you are her main source of transportation.  She is completely relying on you for everything, but has the time and money to go shopping and see her family basically on your dime?  While I think that yes, should should be able to visit with family since she will not see them at the wedding, I really think the shopping part is way out of line.  I would be pissed and not want to pay for anything for her.  I’m sorry if I sound harsh, but she is your sister and she should want to spend time with you, not go shopping when she couldn’t even afford a flight.

I would just let her know your true feelings and that you want to be able to spend more time bonding with her.  You can’t do that if she is shopping.  Grrr, that makes me so mad! 

The topic ‘My sister (a BM) is making plans with estranged family that is not invited’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors