(Closed) My sister a.k.a. my MOH is not helpful.

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1565 posts
Bumble bee

First of all, you’re definitely not alone – many MOHs and BMs don’t live up to the bride’s expectations. If I were you, I would think about what your expectations are and if they were ever made clear to your sis.

I personally don’t expect anything from my BMs except buying their dresses and showing up. One of them has been incredibly helpful and asked to be involved in planning – designing some stationery, calling up potential hotels, offering opinions. She also ended up offering to throw my shower. Other bridesmaids have been involved to a much lesser extent. But I don’t blame them or get upset at them – the one girl happens to be interested in wedding/event planning, and the others aren’t as interested or don’t have enough time. I don’t equate not being involved in my wedding with not caring about me. 

I would also note that looking for cheap but nice bakeries and florists are not small tasks – they’re a significant part of wedding planning, which it’s sort of unfair to push off on someone else unless they want to help. I know I spent a LONG time looking for a reasonable florist – it was completely frustrating and nothing I would ask anyone else to do. The other expectations you have, like planning a shower, are more traditional, but again, did you ever tell your sister “I assume as Maid/Matron of Honor, you would be in charge of the shower and bachelorette” and did she ever agree to that? 

I think before thinking about her as dead weight, you two could talk about mutual expectations and agree what the Maid/Matron of Honor role should consist of. Then, you can both decide whether she wants to be in that role. 

Post # 4
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with GirlWithARing, I think you need to have a clear discussion with her about your expectations.  I have been having Maid/Matron of Honor issues as well and I am only 6 weeks out from my wedding, but I never expected my Maid/Matron of Honor to find me a florist or a baker.  The only things I have requested of her were to see my dress and come with me to my hair appt (neither of which she agreed to do).  It sounds like you had pretty high expectations for what your MOH/sister should be doing, but I wonder if you communicated those expectations thoroughly enough? 

Also, it might be helpful to try to put yourself in her shoes right now. She is going through an emotional time with her “person” leaving the country. Maybe that is something that’s weighing a bit heavier on her mind than your wedding because it is happening right now, and your wedding is 5 months away?

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