(Closed) My Sister and Her Dating Issues (Small Rant, Suggestions Accepted!)

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

She is getting something out of the relationship. I would also try to turn her venting from, “isn’t he an A$$??” to “why do you think you want to be with a guy who acts like that?” I would keep telling her that, “You have the power to change that, you know?”

At some point you might have to 1) suggest you cant be the one who listens to her making the same mistake over and over agian and 2) sugest she start seeing a therapist.

She is prob feeling like at 40, she better hurry up and marry any guy. You might also want to suggest she freeze some eggs, just in case.

Post # 4
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@KoiKove:  +100

People don’t stay in these situations if there’s no psychological payoff. Just because you can’t see what it is, doesn’t mean it’s not there. These are really good suggestions to reframe the conversation from a repetitive, pointless rant to a productive discussion.

Post # 5
Member
46603 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@GirlWithTheGlassSlippers:  Women who date men who treat them disrespectfully often have a problem with low self-esteem. They would rather be with anyone, than be with no one.

 

The only person who can help your sister is herself. When she decides that she is a worthwhile human being whether she is in or out of a relationship,, she will stop dating losers.

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@GirlWithTheGlassSlippers:  I didn’t mean your rant was pointless – I meant hers are. If she’s complaining about the same things over and over again but not listening to advice or changing her behaviour, that to me is kind of the definition of pointless.

I think if you’re looking for a logical reason that she stays in these relationships, you might be looking in the wrong place. People don’t get into bad relationships due to faulty logic. Whatever the payoff is for her, it’s probably pretty illogical and not a little unconscious. But that doesn’t mean it’s easily dismissed.

Post # 9
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@GirlWithTheGlassSlippers:  Would it be possible to straight-up tell her that hearing about how she lets herself be mistreated over and over again really upsets you?

Post # 10
Member
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That’s awful! I wish I had good advice!

Post # 12
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My sister is exactly the same!! She’s a gorgeous girl and could have literally any guy she wants – without even trying, she always looks like she stepped off the cover of a magazine, she’s got a great sense of humour and many good values.

But she always dates the biggest, most useless dropkicks you’ll ever meet. She seems to have a vague idea of how guys are supposed to treat women, but never seems to apply those rules to herself. I really don’t know what advice I can give you, but I totally commiserate with you!

Post # 14
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@GirlWithTheGlassSlippers:  

Yeah I can understand that – sadly, that was my only advice lol. It is so frustrating when you care about someone and can’t do a thing to help them be less selfdestructive; I feel for you!

Post # 15
Member
2585 posts
Sugar bee

@GirlWithTheGlassSlippers:  I have a friend who I dealing with that has the same issues. At first i was really sympathetic and gave her advice.

After months and months of saying the same thing It got harder to give unheard advice. She would say “yes you’re right! Im not going to talk to him anymore, he has stood me up too many times” and then a week later “oh guess who came over last night!?” now I just say cool.

When she complains about how he only texts her back about 1/3 of the time. never takes her out. Just comes over after work for a couple hours about once maybe twice a week. He is still seeing his ex. I remind her she signed up for that and if she is unhappy there is no point in sticking around.

Post # 16
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I know that you have said that you told her you don’t want to hear about these men/this one in particular, and she just keeps at it. I have a younger sister, and while she is much younger, she kept dating this guy who would cheat on her, they would break up, and then she would forgive him and get back together over and over and over. I finally told her that the next time they fight/he cheats/she finds texts from other girls, etc. that I don’t want to hear about it. Now, she finally kicked him to the curb, but had she tried to bring it up, unfortunately, my responses would have been 1: Sister, I thought we discussed how I don’t want to hear about him anymore and 2: I guess I have to say I told you so. I know that you want to keep a good relationship with your sister, but sometimes sisters/family members need some tough love. If you don’t say it, who else will? Hopefully she will get the picture. Best of luck to you!

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