Post # 1
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee
My sister is incredibly immature (warned you I’d be ranting). She’s always regularly spent her money, all of it, on a huge collection of clothes and makeup and toys while relying on my parents to support her by paying for her gas, car insurance, lending her their car and flying her out to see her now husband as they were long distance twice in the last year. My family lives all over the place so most of our wedding guests will be Out of Town guests. I appreciate the fact that they are spending the money to fly to see us at the wedding. I truly do.
So today my mom informs me that my unemployed sister that they are paying to fly down to live with her husband might not make it to our wedding because they don’t know if she’ll be able to get time off from her non-existant job. Yeah. I then explained to her that if she happens to find a job all she has to do is let them know is she’ll have to take time off later in the year for a wedding. Ok, she says, but I don’t know if she can afford to fly up. And this is where I get pissed. While I appreciate the fact that my sister isn’t the richest person, she’s managed to spend over a grand on toys she doesn’t need this year and my parents have spent nearly as much flying her all over the place to see her guy. But for my wedding, she just can’t afford it? I can’t afford to fly her. I’m already spending every last penny of my income trying to make things affordable for their visit and trying to accomodate everyone in general and pay for this wedding in full so we have no debt. And she can’t even TRY to make it? And my parents feel they can fly her to see her SO (when he was still just a BF) but they don’t feel like it’s important if she attends the 1st wedding in our family?
Yeah, I know you guys will say I can’t expect her to do something if she doesn’t have the money. But she would if she wasn’t such a child with it. And this is coming down a long line of my parents putting her upcoming wedding (in 2013) as the priority in our lives. I don’t feel it’s silly that I feel hurt that my only sister, after I’ve bent over backwards over the years to help her, doesn’t feel the need to make an effort.
YES. THIS IS A VENT AND NOT ALL THAT I SAID MAY BE TOTALLY NICE OR APPROPRIATE. It’s coming from a place of hurt and frustration with my family. I guess I’m just wondering if I’m totally crazy for feeling like they’re being inappropriate or if they just stink at the moment. Sigh…
Post # 3
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
I don’t feel it’s silly that I feel hurt that my only sister, after I’ve bent over backwards over the years to help her, doesn’t feel the need to make an effort. <— for this, I feel your pain. I have no advice to offer, but I feel your pain.
Post # 4
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
@claireos: You can always “not afford” to go to her 2013 wedding, and see how she likes it. Of course I’m kidding… or am I? 😉
I understand your frustration. Maybe having a chat with your sister about how important the effort is, it might help?
Post # 5
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
That was a lovely and well qualified rant. That brutally sucks. Why are people so self centered? Man, I feel for your folks too. 🙁
Post # 6
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
Ugh!!
What a mess.
I feel for you…
I would take your mom aside and (calmly) tell her how you feel. Let her know you are hurt.
It may not resolve anything but at least YOU get to be honest about how you feel and I think you might need that.
Best of luck!
Post # 7
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
Ugh, this makes me so upset. Your parents won’t even offer to fly her? They shouldn’t have to even offer because she should have her stuff together. How can your sister be perfectly okay with not attending your wedding? =( That’s complete bs. I’d be really upset too. So sorry she’s being like this. Have you talked to your mom about how you feel?
Post # 8
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
So frustrating, and I completely understand!!
I think the only thing you can do is just not have expectations for certain people in your life. Even if it is your family. You just have to say, you know what these people kind of suck and I don’t expect anything from them.
I feel like you can’t control other people’s actions, you can only control how it affects you, ya know? Try to hang in there and just focus on the positive!
Post # 9
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
This is not silly. It sounds like she is always the focus, and always needs some sort of help. This is your day to shine, and she is flaking out already. I’m sorry to say, but I agree with Ashley- some people suck, regardless of your relation to them. They are selfish, self centered individuals and we cannot control them. Low expectations/no expectations are never dissapointments.
Post # 10
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee
Thanks everyone. My SO got to hear the profane version of this story and he seems to agree with you all. She’s flaky and my parents need a reality check on what is appropriate and inappropriate. So, I’m gonna figure out how to state that all calmly, cross my fingers, and see how it goes. Thanks for letting me clog up the interwebs with my anger. I was just really blown away by it all. So much so that I wasn’t even able to respond to it all as I was being told. The reponse came later.
Thanks! 🙂