My sister (bm) is driving me nuts… *rant*

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
411 posts
Helper bee

My guess is she’s overwhelmed by the idea of being a bridesmaid and is acting out because of it. Let her not go dress shopping on Saturday and let her take a break from wedding stuff for awhile. 

Post # 17
11 posts

As someone with an autistic sister, I felt I should respond here. Personally, I would never have my sister as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but that has not swayed my advice. My advice would be to ask her directly if she would prefer a different role or to just be in attendance. If you would not allow another Bridesmaid or Best Man to dictate what they wear, do not allow her to. You would be doing her no favor and I do agree that it is your day and you should have some say.

Post # 18
1867 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Gosh sister bridesmaids huh! I can relate. She either wears the dress or you don’t have her. You’re already being flexible. 

Post # 19
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, UK

Considering she has nothing against dresses in general, and has worn them before, I don’t think you’re being harsh. If she wants to be a bridesmaid, she has to wear a long, gold dress. Period. If she prefers not to, perhaps she would rather just be a guest?

Post # 20
1372 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t give in on this one either, Bee. I agree with PP that she has the choice of matching the other bridesmaids or the groomsmen–no odd man out. 

On the other hand, you’ve said a few times that you wish or expect her to basically just understand that this is your day (I agree that it IS your day) and go along with things, but maybe her inability to do so is a function of her autism? I don’t know obviously. I know you say it’s mild, but I doubt YOU even know the ways in which it manifests in her responses to events (she may not either), so at least cut her some slack there: she may not be able to fully FEEL that this should be about you and not her. 

So I’d sit down with her calmly and one-on-one, lay out her options, and let her know that it’s terrific if she’d rather just come as a guest. 

Post # 21
3930 posts
Honey bee

You’re not being harsh, this kind of behavior is so selfish and your sister’s autism excuses nothing. It sounds like she is used to being coddled. A little push-back is long overdue. There is no reason to accommodate her ridiculous demands.

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