My sister committed a crime

posted 8 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

You really must report this as fraud for your mother’s sake. Sounds like a black hole that your mom shouldn’t have to fall down. 

Post # 17
Member
11369 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
lakebee :  

Get a freeze put on all of your mom’s credit cards and accounts, set up fraud alerts.  What’s done is done and your mom wants to handle it.  Fair enough.  You can take every possible step to ensure this can never happen again.

Post # 18
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

I would report her to the police. 

this is fraud, crime, it is ” small ” crime but you know, IF she would commit a huge crime such as murder and your mom said ” don’t report it ” would you handle it the same way too ? 

Crime is crime – report it. The way she feels ” she can get away with it ” makes her feel comfortable to commit to bigger crime. 

Post # 19
Member
2252 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Ugh, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This happened to my friend, her sister did this to her and her mother. At first they tried to “handle” it personally, but it didn’t stop the sister and it just kept getting worse. Eventually they called the cops and let them handle it, because it was not stopping. You should absolutely get a freeze put on your mom’s credit. No one will be able to open anything else in her name without authority. You should put one on yours, too, just in case. It is a pain to deal with for a while, but definitely worth it. You then need to speak to your mom about calling the authorities. Hugs bee! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this! 

Post # 20
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I would definitely tell the husband, give him a little time to pay the loan back, and report sister for fraud if mom doesn’t press charges / husband doesn’t pay it back. Keeping your mother’s credit safe is more important than letting your sister stay out of jail. She needs to learn her actions have consequences from somewhere.

Post # 22
Member
3343 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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lakebee :  My grandmother always said “water finds it’s own level” which means that her husband likely has similar “values” to your sister. He probably has a lack of character also even if it’s not as obvious. Plus she painted you as bad guy.

I would definitely report it. Your sister will likely do this again as she thinks she’s getting away with it! Plus when your mom’s credit tanks, she may look to you for financial support. 

Your sister is a gross pos!

Post # 23
Member
6987 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

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lakebee :  OP- are you usually the “responsible” child here? Having a parent who doesn’t speak the language of the place where they are living comes with a LOT of challenges and dependence on one (or many) of the children or some other person(s) who help them navigate various systems and regulations. It can be a really scary thing to have to deal with officials about anything (especially given the current climate). My stepfather is an immigrant and some of the stories and fallacies that immigrants in communities where we lived would share between themselves were really wild. My mother was constantly shutting down or correcting incorrect information he’d gotten from people who were trying to stay under the radar or away from system officials due to fear. Based on our experiences, I’m wondering if your mother actually has little to no idea what the consequences might be for your sister’s behavior but she is afraid to find out because she is also afraid of what impact it could have on your sister and her kids?

I think you need to text the husband about what happened so he has a heads up and also (hopefully) can be looking out for his kids. I also think you need to talk to your mother and let her know about the possible option to report the debt and have it taken out of her name and put into the sister’s name. I think you absolutely have to interfere here, otherwise, you WILL be the one having to deal with the fallout when your mother’s finances and credit are impacted down the road. Does she have $4k just hanging around where she can pay off the loan with ease (if she really doesn’t want to have it out with your sister)? Because unless she has money lying around, it’s going to have to be addressed, it’s just a matter of when and the sooner you can get on it, the better.

Also, I have a relative who terrorizes people by yelling and screaming, but she will also get physical, which is why people are afraid of her- she backs up her threats with actual physical violence. Is your sister someone who gets physical with people or is she just loud? I don’t understand adults not putting another adult in check just because they yell?

Post # 24
Member
499 posts
Helper bee

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lakebee :  Bee, I encourage you to protect your mother and report your sister for loan fraud. Without consequences, she will likely do it again. It is not unheard of for mothers to take out loans and credit cards in their children’t names  if they become desperate enough. I think you have a duty to protect the family that is the most vulnerable right now.

Post # 25
Member
1179 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
lakebee :  It’s most likely your mom who has to report the fraud, since it was her information that was breached. In the meantime, you can help your mom freeze her credit so that no more loans or lines of credit can be opened in her name. Tell your sister’s husband, and ask him to pay off the loan. Hopefully he’s an honest guy, and not in on this with your sister. 

You may want to freeze your own credit, too. Who knows if your sister somehow got a hold of your information, as well. 

Post # 26
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - -

Echoing 

View original reply
annabananabee :  100%!! I’m so sorry you and your mom are going through this. My uncle did this to my grandparents in between being in and out of jail and it sent them both to early graves. My grandparents never wanted to report him and it would happen again and again for 3 decades. Never an apology or a lesson learned. It tore apart my entire family. 

Post # 27
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’ve lived through this directly.

 

My mom opened up a credit card in my name using my social security number she has memorized. At the time, I was only 18 so obviously our addresses were the same as well. I only found out about it because for some reason I answered a call from a phone number that appeared to be somewhat local and it was the credit card company telling me not only that the card was maxed out, but payments were 3 months overdue. The CC company asked if it was my name on the account to verify if it was me and obviously they had my info right so I went along and then found that information out and I was LIVID. My mom has a history of borrowing and stealing money from myself as well as family members too, so unfortunately this didn’t surprise me too much, but it was way low for her to stoop to this level.

 

When they got to asking me if this email went with the account and this person (who was my mom) was an authorized user, I played along to find out all the info I could but I will tell you one thing. The CC company asked if I wanted to file fraud and identity theft charges and I said no. I made something up about being able to handle it and went back to my mom and was quite frank with her I was pissed and she was to pay it back on a strict schedule. I found the credit card in her wallet and shredded it, and monitored the account to be sure she was paying it off. My mom claimed she opened the card to “help increase my credit score” which I could believe if she was responsible, but it was total BS. If she were to open up a credit card to help me out, an honest parent would have informed their child and she used it behind my back.

Bee – that was the stupidest mistake of my life. It wasn’t a super huge amount(3k?)  but when I had my credit ran to apply for my mortgage it definitely dinged my score that “I” had a past due and outstanding balance on a credit card. To this day I regret not following through with filing for fraud and identity theft. My mom guilt-tripped me into not doing it because “she’d pay it back and she was my mom”  To this day, I will not hesitate to file charges and put my mom in jail if she pulls that shit again. Its not something to be taken lightly.

Post # 28
Member
6412 posts
Bee Keeper

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lakebee :  I was all for letting your mom handle it until I got to this section “My mom does not speak English and has always relied on others to help her so I feel like I need to stand up to my sister for her. ”  

Report your sister, help your mom’s credit and help fix this for.  I don’t think she truly understands the implications of everything that will happen for allowing your sister to slid.

Post # 29
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee

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bearinabeecostume :  THIS!  It is very easy to freeze your credit AND your social security number. Once you do this, you prevent 99% of fraud.

To freeze credit: Go to the websites of the “big three”, Experien, Transunion, and Equifax. Freezing your credit is free these days. When you do this, nobody can open a new line of credit. Even you. If you need your credit checked to open a new cc, loan, or for a job credit check, it’s simple to “unfreeze” your credit for a specified amount of time, or you can unfreeze it for a specific entity.

To lock your SSN: Go to https://www.e-verify.gov/mye-verify/self-lock

I have had my credit frozen for 10+ years, and locked my ssn about 10 months ago. I recommend it to EVERYONE and their children.

 

Post # 30
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
lakebee :  I would call the police, you aren’t doing your Mum or sister any favours by letting this dysfunctionality continue.

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