Post # 1
So I asked my sister to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for me when I first got engaged. She said that she really wants to be, however, she doesn’t take any interest in the wedding at all.
I have been a little indecisive about details (what bride hasn’t) and whenever I bring something up, she replies “I’ll believe it when I see it,”. I’ve asked her to go dress shopping before but she wont do anything unless it’s her running errands or sitting around at her house. She hasn’t offered any help at all or even wants to talk about the wedding. The last time I brought it up (after we found our venue) her reply was that her boyfriend “hates weddings” and then she changed the subject.
And now she is having a baby, which I am happy for her about. The baby will be about 5 months old when I have my wedding and I told her she doesn’t have to be in the wedding party so that she can comfort and be with her child if need be. She kind of gave me a snotty answer that the baby will be old enough by then and it wont be a big deal. Ummm… maybe I don’t want a baby crying the entire time? It’s stressing me out thinking of her just sitting there and letting her baby cry during the ceremony as it is. She’s kind of like that to begin with.
I always feel like I am putting way more effort into our relationship than she is and whatever I do or say to her she has to either disregard what I say or disagree with it. At this point I am thinking of not having any BMs at all so that I can avoid the whole mess.
Any Bees have any advice, please?!?!
Post # 3
I’m sorry, but you really can’t cut your sister. Imagine the kind of drama that it would bring. Consider her an honorary position, and don’t expect her to help – if you don’t expect it, she can’t disappoint.
Post # 4
I know it can be tough to have bridesmaids who aren’t super excited about every detail of the wedding, but some people are just like that. It sounds like it means a lot to your sister to be in your wedding, even if she doesn’t seem to act like it.
I wouldn’t cut her out of your wedding at this point – it’s still plenty far away and it’s early in the planning process. If you cut her out, you’ll be dealing with a whole year of drama and emotions and family arguments over cutting her.
Post # 5
Unfortunately I think you should keep her in your wedding party. I would sit down with her and ask her if there’s anything that she needs to get off her chest about your wedding and address your concerns with her. Take the sandwich approach, compliment, criticism, compliment…..start and end on high notes.
Post # 6
I just feel like she really doesn’t want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, the fact that we only see eachother about once or twice a month and she still wants nothing to do with the wedding.
Post # 7
If she didn’t want to be in the wedding, you gave her a respectable “out” by using the baby as a reason why she didn’t need to be in the wedding. She clearly *does* want to be in the wedding, otherwise she would have taken that opportunity to jump ship. I think you are confusing caring about the details of the wedding with actually wanting to stand up for you on your big day. All that bridesmaids (even sisters) are expected to do is put on a matching dress of your choosing and stand next to you as you and Fiance say your vows. They don’t have to care about the color of the linens or what DJ you pick. If they do care about those things, GREAT! But if not, it doesn’t mean they don’t care to be in the wedding. I think you should cut your sister some slack, just accept that she isn’t into the wedding details, and just tell her what dress to buy and leave it at that.
Post # 8
Thanks ladies. I think I just needed to hear it from someone else. There’s still a lot of time to go so I’m going to kind of leave it for a while. If she does change her mind closer for whatever reason, that’s okay, I don’t want her to feel like she is obligated with everything else going on.
I want her to be in the party, bu we are the type of sisters who sometimes fight over the silliest things, so it’s good to hear that she probably really wants to be a part of it.