Post # 1
My younger sister (10 years), has always been on the bully side ufortunately. She has serious emotional issues but this time it took a turn for the worst. I invited her to come out to visit me last week for her vacation from school. She is a senior and college so I thought it would be nice restful break for her. She lives in New York and I live in California. She came with our younger brother (college freshman) last minute. My younger brother has been through a serious mental health illness due to using shrooms his freshman year last Spring. He has been recovering for the past 6 months and has had a difficult time adjusting. He was in a mental hospital for about 3 months and was released last July. Getting back to the story, on their first night visiting me, I took them to a restaurant to eat after going to my friend’s lounge. While we were sitting down at the dinner table, my sister decides to check her facebook and flips out once she see’s my younger brother’s status on facebook. He mentioned being at the lounge. Now my sister is in a abusive relationship with her boyfriend, it has been ongoing since 2005. However, now he’s sick and she’s been taking care of him. She promised him that she would not go to any clubs or lounges on her visit to see me. But she totally disrepected me and Fiance in front of our friends and kept yelling and cursing at my brother to remove his status. His blackberry was experiencing problems from before and he was not able to delete his status until we returned home but she kept cursing and badgering him. She even called him names, told him that he should of died while he was in the hospital. My younger brother has been really upset with her and told her that her problems with Michael (her boyfriend who abused her) really bothered him and she kept screaming at him nonstop about how much a loser he is and her life should not affect him. Well, after that night, we tried to enjoy the rest of our week but she kept arguing back and forth with him nonstop and verbally abusing him, mind that she is the grown adult (24 going on 25) and he is only 19. The day before the were to leave home was my last straw. She had called my mother in the morning while my brother was in the shower complaining about how many classes he signed up for in school. I could hear my mother getting upset so i told her to give me the phone so i could explain everything. I already had a discussion with both my sister, brother and Fiance about what my brother would do once he returns home in regards to school. He over heard and came out the bathroom upset that my sister was complaining to my mother. I calmed him down and told him i got this under control. My sister then grabs the phone back from my hand and my Fiance told her not grab the phone from because he thought she would get violent with me and he wanted to protect me. Now she gets angry and begins yelling at me and saying how could you let him talk to her like that and it’s wrong for me to allow that. Then she goes on saying she leaving right away and never will return back to California (where i’m getting married) She also bashed my fiance on Facebook calling him names and saying he’s a loser, pycho..etc and how California sucks and why would any New Yorker move to California. That hurt me so much and the fact that she just left my home without saying goodbye. I did so much for her this past week and this is the treatment i receive???? How should i handle this??? I think she is mentally unstabled…it’s childish, i’m a mature adult and should not have to go through this agony and have this younger person bully me like that…it’s hard for me because i love her but I cannot have her disrespect my future husband and behave like that around the people i love, I love my brother and hated to see her treat him like that.
Post # 3
Wow. Good riddance is what it sounds like to me!
Sorry you’re going through that…
Post # 4
Honestly, I would let her stew. I know she’s unstable, but until she gets the help she needs, there isn’t much your love can do for her. I can’t imagine how she would behave at your wedding. She needs behavioral counseling of some sort… I hesitate on the whole medication thing because I’m not a doctor by any means, but at the very least some kind of social direction.
No one deserves to be bullied by anyone. It’s doubly upsetting that it’s your sister–however, I would not further engage her by responding to anything she has said, accept she is not coming to your wedding and focus on the positives.
I say this out of experience because I unfortunately had to cut my mother out of my life for similar issues although they were accompanied by drugs and alcohol.
Best of luck to you.
Post # 5
I don’t think you should do anything. If you sister wants to act like a small child and pout, there is nothing you can do about it. She’s acting irrationally. If she doesn’t want to be in your wedding then don’t have her in your wedding. From what you’ve written it sounds like she would have created problems anyway.
Post # 6
i think you should be grateful shes not in the wedding – if she’s going to go that ballistic over a casual week family visit what will she do when everyone is stressed on the wedding day
i think your brother needs your support right now than your over dramatic attention seeking sister
Post # 7
I wouldn’t contact her at all, let her stew over her own craziness. She is just trying to control you and everyone else in her family. Don’t give her that power
Post # 8
That is not normal adult behavior. Sadly, I have to agree with you in that she might have some sort of mental illness….or she is an incredibly selfish, immature young lady…maybe a little of both?
You need to stand your ground and not give in to her. I’m sorry that you are dealing with this and I know this must be a very difficult time for you but how would you feel if she acted like this at your wedding? In front of both families and friends?
Can your mom offer any insight into her behavior? Or maybe help her get help (if she is on the east coast too?)?
Post # 9
Thanks guys for all your input. Yes, she most certainly is trying to control me and everyone else in my family with her crazy antics. But lucky for all of us, my family already knows about her behavor. Even my own Dad agrees it’s smart not to have her in my wedding or even attend it. However I believe my mother is hoping that she will calm down make this better. My mother really wants her to get professional help but my sister refuses. It’s hard because she thinks everyone is wrong and bad and she can do no harm, all is right with her. She’s really not well, I feel so bad for her. Even my Fiance understands it and isnt’ mad at her but recognizes her condition is serious and he is afraid of how she will manage to hold a job in the real world or engage in any future relationships. Right now she works with my dad and his business partner who is not well either. They apparently work well at the job together. I can’t help but feel sad about this whole situation. But I do have to pick up the pieces and move on… 🙁
Post # 10
This sounds like a character disorder you’re describing (not that I can diagnose anyone, but just from what you’re saying…)
It needs a lot of professional help, and these people are the least likely to seek it. Your family has a lot on their hands. Luckily, if it’s a character disorder, it’s not a dire situation in terms of time. I’m glad the rest of your family is generally on the same page with no engaging her in her antics. Of course your mom must be a little sad, but it may be sadness over knowing in her heart that one of her own children can’t attend a family wedding because that child is so out of control. That would make a mom wish things were different, so give her a chance to say things like “I wish your sister could come to the wedding” knowing that such a statement carries many meanings.
You can attempt to have a relationship with her after your wedding, perhaps, as long as you’re willing to hang up the phone if she gets abusive or not respond to emails that are abusive. Little by little she might begin to realize what the cost of not treating her illness will be.
Post # 11
I have a close family member with a mental illness and it is difficult to deal with tirades (for lack of a better word) like this. I would probably ignore it if I were you and wait until she comes around. If she doesn’t, I don’t think you should beat yourself up over it 🙂 good luck
Post # 12
Wow, Iam appalled by your sister’s behaviour towards your Fiance and Brother. Im so sorry he was hurt by her obvious callousness or general disregard for anyone’s feelings. I really hope he knows how much you care for him, and its good you were there to be a buffer of sorts for her tirade
I have written a great deal about my own family turmoil on the boards and they have been a big help. My sister too is violent and unstable at times; with people like that you have to remember that you need to look out not only for your own best interests, but your health and the health of those you love.
I also am sad that its obvious your sister’s relationship with this Michael has made her into the person she is at the moment. Im assuming there was a period before this that was contrary to present behaviour?
Anyways, I think you should focus on the good and distance yourself from her. Focus on being with your brother and spending what time you have with him. Im sure it would work wonders for both of you. As for your sister, you cant make someone get help, only when they hit bottom can they usually see that they need it- I hope she realizes she needs help and does that before that happens
Post # 13
Aside from her coming to terms with the kind of person she is, and the fact that something is “off” there isn’t much you can do for her. If she is mentally unstable (which sounds like a very REAL possibility) she’s the only one who can do something about it. She has to want to. But before that can even happen she has to realize that everyone else is not the problem….
It’s easy for people to say good riddance, but it’s a lot harder to accept that in reality because she is your sister and you love her. You just have to make the decision of what you will and will not deal with and stick to it. It takes so much patience to deal with a person like this. I’ve been there, and you seem to be handling it as best you can. Don’t indulge her behavior, or give into any of her antics. And lastly—->Take a deep breath.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Hugs to you!