(Closed) My sister has removed herself from my wedding and unfriended me on Facebook

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Wow. Good riddance is what it sounds like to me!

Sorry you’re going through that…

Post # 4
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly, I would let her stew.  I know she’s unstable, but until she gets the help she needs, there isn’t much your love can do for her.  I can’t imagine how she would behave at your wedding.  She needs behavioral counseling of some sort… I hesitate on the whole medication thing because I’m not a doctor by any means, but at the very least some kind of social direction.

No one deserves to be bullied by anyone.  It’s doubly upsetting that it’s your sister–however, I would not further engage her by responding to anything she has said, accept she is not coming to your wedding and focus on the positives.

I say this out of experience because I unfortunately had to cut my mother out of my life for similar issues although they were accompanied by drugs and alcohol.

Best of luck to you.

Post # 5
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think you should do anything.  If you sister wants to act like a small child and pout, there is nothing you can do about it.  She’s acting irrationally.  If she doesn’t want to be in your wedding then don’t have her in your wedding.  From what you’ve written it sounds like she would have created problems anyway. 

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think you should be grateful shes not in the wedding – if she’s going to go that ballistic over a casual week family visit what will she do when everyone is stressed on the wedding day

i think your brother needs your support right now than your over dramatic attention seeking sister

goodluck!

 

Post # 7
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t contact her at all, let her stew over her own craziness. She is just trying to control you and everyone else in her family. Don’t give her that power

Post # 8
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

That is not normal adult behavior. Sadly, I have to agree with you in that she might have some sort of mental illness….or she is an incredibly selfish, immature young lady…maybe a little of both?

You need to stand your ground and not give in to her. I’m sorry that you are dealing with this and I know this must be a very difficult time for you but how would you feel if she acted like this at your wedding? In front of both families and friends?

Can your mom offer any insight into her behavior? Or maybe help her get help (if she is on the east coast too?)?

Post # 10
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

This sounds like a character disorder you’re describing (not that I can diagnose anyone, but just from what you’re saying…)

It needs a lot of professional help, and these people are the least likely to seek it. Your family has a lot on their hands. Luckily, if it’s a character disorder, it’s not a dire situation in terms of time. I’m glad the rest of your family is generally on the same page with no engaging her in her antics. Of course your mom must be a little sad, but it may be sadness over knowing in her heart that one of her own children can’t attend a family wedding because that child is so out of control. That would make a mom wish things were different, so give her a chance to say things like “I wish your sister could come to the wedding” knowing that such a statement carries many meanings. 

You can attempt to have a relationship with her after your wedding, perhaps, as long as you’re willing to hang up the phone if she gets abusive or not respond to emails  that are abusive. Little by little she might begin to realize what the cost of not treating her illness will be. 

Post # 11
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have a close family member with a mental illness and it is difficult to deal with tirades (for lack of a better word) like this.  I would probably ignore it if I were you and wait until she comes around.  If she doesn’t, I don’t think you should beat yourself up over it 🙂  good luck

Post # 12
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Wow, Iam appalled by your sister’s behaviour towards your Fiance and Brother. Im so sorry he was hurt by her obvious callousness or general disregard for anyone’s feelings. I really hope he knows how much you care for him, and its good you were there to be a buffer of sorts for her tirade

I have written a great deal about my own family turmoil on the boards and they have been a big help. My sister too is violent and unstable at times; with people like that you have to remember that you need to look out not only for your own best interests, but your health and the health of those you love.

I also am sad that its obvious your sister’s relationship with this Michael has made her into the person she is at the moment. Im assuming there was a period before this that was contrary to present behaviour?

Anyways, I think you should focus on the good and distance yourself from her. Focus on being with your brother and spending what time you have with him. Im sure it would work wonders for both of you. As for your sister, you cant make someone get help, only when they hit bottom can they usually see that they need it- I hope she realizes she needs help and does that before that happens

Post # 13
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Aside from her coming to terms with the kind of person she is, and the fact that something is “off” there isn’t much you can do for her. If she is mentally unstable (which sounds like a very REAL possibility) she’s the only one who can do something about it. She has to want to. But before that can even happen she has to realize that everyone else is not the problem….

It’s easy for people to say good riddance, but it’s a lot harder to accept that in reality because she is your sister and you love her. You just have to make the decision of what you will and will not deal with and stick to it. It takes so much patience to deal with a person like this. I’ve been there, and you seem to be handling it as best you can. Don’t indulge her behavior, or give into any of her antics. And lastly—->Take a deep breath.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Hugs to you!

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