- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
Ive been going through serious ups and downs with my sister in law. She is the only daughter with three brothers. I married her oldest brother. Let me just say I get along with his parents extremely well. They treat me like I am their daughter and show me so much love. My husband is amazing to me as well and a huge source of love and support for me.
His sister on the other hand has verbally abused me on a few occaisions, that last of which occurred in front of my father in law who shut it down as best as he could. She has since maintained a cordial attitude towards me in front of my parents in law but when they arent around she is often nasty, gives me attitude, says no to me doing things in the house, etc etc.
In the beginning of my marriage (its been about 8 months) I struggled immensely with her treatment of me. One night I let out my frustrations to a very close friend of mine who has moved to the West Coast and knows NO ONE in my circle of friends and family so I figured I could trust her. Unfortunately my sister in law snuck onto my personal computer and read my conversation. She of course caused a major scene in front of the entire family over it. Mind you, I DID NOT call her any names, only expressed my sadness and frustration that she treats me so badly.
Before this situation, I caught her speaking ill of me but I never told her up until this situation when I revealed it to her. Months later, it was another issue, and again and again.
She once said to me “You will never have my place in this family!!!!”
I dont want her place, I want my own place! I am someones beloved daughter and sister, I dont need to steal someones place.
After the last major fight I really thought we would never talk like friends again, but I am weak when it comes to people I want to like me and I allowed her back in. Talking to her like a friend, being kind to her, laughing with her, shopping together….my husband was baffled at me letting her in again. Then one night on our way home from a long day of running errands together she was texting her cousin who she is very close with. I was in the passengers seat and had a full view of their conversation. She thought I was asleep. Yes I know, shame on me for reading it, but I glanced and notice my name. They were trashing me again.
I cried all night in my husbands arms and woke up sick to my stomach. I just dont understand! Why does she hate me so much? I always listened to her. My whole wedding planning process was practically controlled by her. I wasnt big on the whole wedding thing so I allowed her to plan much of it and was always very agreeable with her. I did my best to be good to her and to respect her because she is my sister in law. I guess I did it all for nothing. I am afraid of her. I am afraid to talk around her, to move around her, to do anything around her because I wonder what shes saying about me. I have talked to her mother about this and her mother has tried to do what she can but at the end of the day I know in my heart her mother who is an angel cannot stop her daughter from being this way.
She is very manipulative. I have allowed her to manipulate me in the past. She and her two closest female cousins often bully me. They make me feel like I am back in high school!
About a week ago I told her that her brother and I are TTC and she very manipulatively suggested I wait longer because shes getting married in 8 months and Im gonna be exhausted. Exhausted from what? If I get pregnant right away I will not be doing anything I cannot physically do or is too arduous for me to do regardless of her being my sister in law. We want to get pregnant and nothing that is going on in other peoples lives changes this.
She is constantly trying to make me jealous, but I never feed into that part of it. She tells people I am jealous of her and others in the family but I am not!!! I am content with the lot God has given me I dont need anymore than I have materially. I was blessed and continue to be blessed.
Sometimes, and I dont mean to be smug, I think she is the jealous one. I cant even imagine what else pushes her to be so mean to me. She is so nice to everyone else. 🙁
Like I said, the hardest part is the talking behind my back. Its hurts my soul on a level worse than I have ever felt. I cant enjoy my new life with my husband because this problem with his sister consumes me. I dont know how to handle her, I dont know what to do, I dont know how to avoid her manipulations very well……I just feel so scared.