(Closed) My sister is about to get engaged

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I guess I don’t really understand the problem? You are getting married too…just a little later. I guess I would get it if you were waiting, but you are engaged. You alrady know you’re getting married. You found the guy. He proposed. You have a date. It just happens to be further away.

Learn from her planning mistakes. Take advantage of watching a “trial run” of a wedding in your family, and don’t let this get you down. In the grand scheme of life this is such a non-issue (and I don’t say that to diminish your feelings, but rather to help you realise how lucky you are for what you DO have).

Post # 18
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think what you’re doing is great! I wish I had a family who had their stuff together so I could save up for a year… I will have had a 2 year and three month long engagement prior to getting married. We will be married on our 4 year anniversary. I get what you are saying. I was going to have a 2015 wedding, but I decided to cut the wedding fund down by $3,000 so I would need less time to save. 

I realized that school and work should not interefere too much in what I truly value the most in life. I gave people a couple of reasons for pushing back the date, but a few of them told me not to wait so long. I am glad I didn’t because it has actually flown by!

Also, I did not have to fight for vendors or have the headaches of a short engagement. I had time to look around for the best of everything for my situation. Some folks I know have gotten engaged, during this time. It is what it is. Life does not stop moving forward. Your day will come sooner than it feels right now. I cannot believe my wedding is only 6 months away now. You will be really relaxed and happy when it arrives. Good luck to you; these feelings will pass. 

Post # 19
Member
8037 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

You will get over it. This isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of life. The quicker her wedding comes, the better.. that way people will have tons of time between her wedding and yours so there will be no chance of overshadowing or anything.

Also, look on the bright side.. you can take lessons learned from her wedding and apply them to yours.

Post # 20
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@alyssaC: Aw, you’re still young (which is why you’re having a long engagement) but look at it this way – you’ve found your one early in life!

If you are really ok with your plan, your resentment and jealousy will go away – acknowledge them. Remind yourself that you are having a long engagement so that you can save up for married life. 

And at least you aren’t waiting on pins-and-needles for him to pop the question!

Post # 21
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@alyssaC:  Oh I feel you! I feel you so hard!!!!!

This happened to me, with my best friend (who is married with my FI’s brother so yeah lol).

What I did was mainly four things:

1. Accept the fact that the problem is in ME and she is nooot doing anything wrong.

2. I am a Christian, so I prayed a lot about this. I really wanted my heart to be in the right place.

3. I closed my facebook account. I realized it was a source of jealousy and unnecessary “whose-life-is-better” competitions. (Not from my best friend, but in general. By The Way I am not saying anyone should do this, it was the right thing to do for me, I wanted to stay away from any source of pain, as lame as that sounds).

4. I talked to her. She is my best friend, so in time came the moment I had to come clean about my feelings about this. I love her and I didn’t want anything to ruin our sisterhood. To my surprise, she told me she was also jealous of me for different reasons. I am so happy I had that talk, it opened my eyes big.

Some people here might say, “stop being a brat” “suck it up”, but really, I know how you feel. You are not a bad person, you have feelings. And you are being an awesome sister trying to adress them right away!

Best of luck and lots of love for you!!!

Post # 22
Member
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

been there!  Don’t worry – we are all entitled to our feelings, even when they’re not the most rational or not what we think we should be feeling.

I’ve been engaged for almost 2 years now, and our wedding is this october.  My sister (we hope) is getting engaged soon too.  We thought he would’ve proposed last fall but nope.

although my sister wouldn’t have gotten married before me, but she’s older and is already talking about how it’ll bother her if I get pregnant first and she plans to be preggo by next summer regardless.  Irks me slightly bc while I’d love to TTC, we are both starting new jobs this year and just finally getting on our feet (at 30 years old!).  God, don’t we sound pathetic?

Anyways – I’ve actually found myself wishing she were engaged!  I am sad that I can’t try on tons and tons of wedding dresses anymore since I have mine.  I wish she could start shopping for one so I can play dress up on her!  Also, you might be able to score deals if you hire the same photographer, same caterer etc (just not the same venue!).  I often wondered if we could’ve scored some deals by booking the same vendors.

And hey, if she spend the next few months planning a wedding, you can get a lot of tips on what to do and what not to do – and then when her wedding is done, you can focus 100% on yours without worrying about things for her upcoming wedding… no worries about planning showers etc… it’ll be ALL about you after hers!

Post # 23
Member
9760 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I understand how you are feeling, we are in a long engagement too, probably five and a half years, it is hard seeing others get engaged after you and married before you, especially close family members whose weddings you will have to attend!

Post # 25
Member
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@alyssaC:  Glad you’re feeling better!  Before I got engaged, I would get SOOO jealous and upset anytime someone I knew got engaged, married, or pregnant.  Not my proudest moments, but I kept my feelings to myself and after a few days to digest, I got around to being happy for them.  Now that I’m engaged though, I typically find myself just happy for others, I don’t feel the jealousy so much anymore.

 

Just think of all the fun watching her try on dresses!  And you’ll get to try on so many bridesmaids – it’ll be great!

Post # 25
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: Catholic Church & Local community hall

Just another small silver lining – everyone getting married before you might actually make your wedding cheaper! If you see things at these weddings (decoration wise) that you really like and would love to have at your wedding, they may lend them to you to use or sell them to you for less than you could buy brand new!<br /><br />I had a small stab of jealousy towards my SIL and brother who get married this year (stupid because although me and my SO have a date, I don’t have the ring haha)<br />I got all emotional because she had “stolen” my wedding colours…it took a good talk my mum to tell me how silly I was being and that she couldn’t have possibly known I was thinking of those colours.<br />Ahh, female emotions…they’re wonderful aren’t they haha<br /><br />Best of luck with the planning xx

Post # 26
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

alyssaC: my older sister got married at 24 and I didn’t even meet my Fiance until I was 29. 

I used to wonder when it would happen for me, until I realized that I had a million awesome things happening in my life, both romantic and non romantic. 

I focused on the positive and the resentment just died. I was also much nicer once I focused on what I had in my life vs. what I lacked. 

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