(Closed) My Sister is driving me crazy!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think your problem has to do more with how you are with your sister than how she is with her girlfriend.  Since, she is a grownup adult, she ought to make her own decisions and not have you rescue her from her problems everytime she is in a fix. You need to give her an ultimatum that next time if something related to her messed-up love life happens, you will NOT be supporting her.

1. it’s disturbing your own life.

2. Causing you emotional distress.

3. Straining your relationship with your sister.

You cannot force your sister to break off with the girlfriend if she does not want to. They have an unhealthy relationship that they want to continue with, the only person really getting affected is you because you don’t have a safety net from your sister like she does with you.  Unfortunately, even in blood relationships; it is important to look out for oneself and not let your family take the best of you everytime they are in trouble ( which in your case is too frequent).

I can only suggest you to be brave and put yourself first and then try to help your sister IF you can. Learn to say no and live your life…

All the best.

Post # 3
Member
1505 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
elombardo: 

1. Stop loaning people money. (and write off the money you’ve already loaned as a gift, maybe on the condition these people attend a financial planning class.)

2. Stop helping your sister be abused. 

3. Stop loaning people your car.

You have boundary issues. As in, you don’t appear to have any. You need to put some distance between yourself and your family. The way you’ve been interacting with them is super unhealthy and not helpful for them or for you.

Your sister sounds like an inconsiderate, self-centered drama queen. You can’t help her. Tell her you love her and support her but will not participate in her toxic relationship in any way. Tell her you’ll be her shelter when she comes to her senses, but that you don’t want anything to do with the situation until she is ready to 110% cut this woman out of her life and press criminal charges against her (or get a restraining order). And then stick to that. Have a phrase, something like, “your gf is a crazy bitch who’s hurting you, and I’ll be here for you when she’s gone but I won’t help you continue to be hurt”, and just keep repeating that to her. Don’t participate in conversations, don’t go running to her beck in the middle of the night. When you’ve done these things in the past, you haven’t helped your sister — you’ve enabled her to continue making shitty decisions. 

Good luck. 

Post # 4
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

You need to stop. 

1. Stop giving her money

2. Stop loaning her your time 

3. Stop loaning your car out

4. Stop coming to her rescue

Your sister is an adult. And while she’s making really poor choices, it’s not your job to pull her out of every situation She manages to get her self in. You have your own life and you should be free to live it without the weight of her crap on your shoulders. 

Maybe you should really sit down and think about Why it is you feel the need to run to save her all the time. How is your sister ever going to learn to fend for herself when She knows She has you as a safety net.

Let her pull her self together and you stand back. You’d be surprised at how Well folks adjust when there is no other choice. 

Post # 6
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee

Stop helping her. Don’t be an enabler.

Post # 8
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

View original reply
elombardo:  I think you need to stop thinking/ worrying how she reacts! Just be firm and do what is needed to be done..Good Luck 🙂

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