My sister is pregnant…

• jillbean1217
• 5 years ago

• Wedding: May 2016

…and it is NOT a good thing. <br />She just turned 19 in October, she still lives at home with my mom, though her boyfriend spends the night there a few nights a week. I hated her boyfriend before all of this started, because he treated her like garbage when they first started dating (ditched her for some girl he met at a concert and tried to lead them both on for months). They also had a dometic violence incident last year. 

They’ve only really been together this time since July. 

I’m just so furious at her right now. I know what’s done is done and there is no turning back the clock, but I know that people (including myself) tried to talk to her about birth control on at least five separate occasions. Preventing a baby isn’t that hard. 

My mom is about to be 57 and single and currently has custody of my cousin’s two kids who are sixteen months and three and a half while my cousin is in rehab and her baby daddy is in jail. The absolute very last thing she needed was to have this thrown on her plate too. 

On top of that I seriously hate my sister’s boyfriend and I doubt he is going to be in it for the long haul. They are really just toxic for each other. He talks to other girls all the time, they fight about everything and when they aren’t fighting, they’re seeing how much PDA they can get away with. It’s so fucking frustrating. 

I’m worried for my mom, and my sister and there is a little part of me (like, .02 percent) that is just mad that all of this is happening less than a month after Fiance and I got engaged. I waited until I was 30, you know? I just felt like I deserved to have this time, especially with my mom and my sisters. I’m 10 years older than both of them, so I just always expected to be the first to do everything. 

My sister is notorious for needing to be the center of attention and her stupid Boyfriend or Best Friend actually tried to get his ex-GF knocked up when he was 17 and she was 15. So I wouldn’t be surprised if this wasn’t completely an accident. From what I understand, my sister and her Boyfriend or Best Friend weren’t doing anything to prevent pregnancy. It’s not like this was some sort of oops. 

I know some shade’s going to get thrown my way, but I really just needed to throw a pity party for a minute, because man, this whole thing sucks. Especially for her. And my mom. Some 19 year olds are mature and emotionally stable enough for children at that time in their life. She is definitely NOT one of them. 

For what it’s worth, I tried my very hardest to be as supportive as possible when she told me, although it was probably clear I wasn’t very impressed.

• jillbean1217
• 5 years ago

• Wedding: May 2016

Yipeebee:  HAHA, holy trainwreck indeed. My mom is most certainly an impressive lady and luckily I have a Fiance who loves babies a lot more than I do, so we try to babysit as much as possible. Good advice about taking time for myself though. Thanks!

futureMrs.Owens:  I really like these ideas. I just found this out last night, so it’s getting better with the more hours that pass from the initial shock. I texted her earlier just to check in and see how she’s doing. I know things can’t be undone, but I also know that you’re right in that I would regret not being there for her. You’re also right about trying to get her and Fiance around each other more–she needs some solid examples. Thank you for the suggestions!

msformaldehyde:  SilverWire:  gelaine22:  I haven’t actually asked her about that, but I know that my middle sister (who is 20) asked her. She said she knows it’s a bad situation but that she just can’t imagine an abortion. I know that adopting her child out would never fly either. My middle sister expressed her support in whatever her decision was, and I’ll throw my weight behind that too now that it’s been brought up, but my whole family is Catholic (lapsed, but still have the residual guilt, haha) so I doubt she’d decide to terminate. 

Thanks for all of your advice and thoughts, bees. I needed somewhere to vent where I wouldn’t hurt any relationships irreparably and I’ve already gotten some good advice. 

• jillbean1217
• 5 years ago

• Wedding: May 2016

Boxerlover24:  We don’t know how far along she is. Her first dr. appointment is on Tuesday. We’re guessing around six weeks. The thing is, my sister lives with my mom, and my mom has had custody of my cousin’s kids for the last four months–she knows damn well how much work goes into babies. That’s just another reason that I can’t believe she was silly enough to let this happen, especially since she hates being on baby sitting duty.

Bridey77:  haha it was actually Fiance who said that. I don’t think that she did it purposefully to steal my “thunder” at all…but I am not convinced that part of it wasn’t on purpose. How could it not be? When you have sex without protection, you know what the consequences will be, right? What you suggested though is my biggest hope–that this will make her grow the EFF up. But seeing how my cousin has screwed up her kids lives because she’s too selfish to put them first has me skittish about the whole thing. I did ask her about dr’s appointments and stuff today, but it’s going to take awhile for me to fully embrace the idea.

Luvdisc:  I haven’t seen her in person since she (texted) told me. I do know that she was in tears when she found out and my mom’s reaction did NOT go well, so I’m assuming she wasn’t too thrilled about the news herself. 

• jillbean1217
• 5 years ago

• Wedding: May 2016

LBeeLove:  Like I said, I came to the bee to vent so that I didn’t say anything to her that would damage our relationship. I haven’t lectured her, or said anything (recently, since the DV incident) about her boyfriend, at least not to her face. I don’t think it’s talking smack about him though if I tell her that she deserves better than someone who hits her and cheats on her. I would  also never, ever, ever try to convince her to have an abortion. However, I do think that it’s my responsibility to let her know that it is an option that I would support (just as much as I would support adoption or keeping the baby) so that she doesn’t think it’s something that she has to rule out because the family would hate her. 

Bridey77:  She dropped out of high school, but she’s very smart and works well in an office environment. She was planning on going back to school (for about three semesters now lol) for dental hygiene, but I guess we’ll see what happens with that.