(Closed) Delete

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think that people will be just as excited when it is you…and you will be so much more excited. Right now you need to push those feelings aside and focus on your sister because she’s going to need some help…poor girl.

Post # 4
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I wouldn’t be worried about not having the first grandchild right now. That’s really not the problem here.

Your sister needs someone who will love and support her through this process. And your mom is crazy for spouting that all over FB. Four weeks is so early, a lot could happen.

Post # 5
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

So she wants to keep it, but maybe talk to her about putting the baby up for adoption? If she is as much of a trainwreck as you say she is, and if you really are her only support system, you know who is going to be the primary care taker/financial support? You.

I don’t know what to tell you, except ouch. She has a lot of growing up to do 🙁

Post # 6
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I know it’s hard to control being upset over something like this – I mean, they’re emotions. You’re going to be upset.

But honestly, there is a baby coming into your family if she chooses to keep it. Please just concentrate on being her support system, you could help her get back on track and deal with her issues.

Post # 7
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow, that “tattoos and piercings” comment actually kinda hurt.

Anyway, I would definitely talk to her about possibly adopting the child out, if you haven’t already. If not, emotionally be there for her, but don’t give up your whole entire life (and paycheck) just to help her out. 

You shouldn’t worry about not being the first to have a kid. I’m the first of my friends to be married, but one of the last to have a child, haha. People will be just as excited and even more happy when it is your turn. It’s not a competition or anything. I agree with PPs, just try to push those feelings aside for now and try to help her out in any way you can without driving yourself crazy in the process. 

Post # 8
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Ok you have two big things going on here. This might not be an ideal time for your sister to become a parent, but maybe it will give her the direction and the push to do more with her life. 

The other big thing is your jealousy. Right now you are stable, have a great Darling Husband, and generally in a much better spot then she, when you have a baby it wil be a much different occasion and people will be very happy for you, probably even more so then they are about her situation.

Post # 9
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ok so a few things, first she is not stuck with him, people raise kids with out fathers all time, sadly. She does need your supprt and you need to see if she wants help getting her life back on track, and hopefully having a baby will snap her into reality, and help do what she needs to.

As for you, I completely understand your feelings, I have been with my Fiance for 5 years and being resposoble, waiting to get married when we are stable and not having babies until I finish my BA, and then my cousin got pregnant at 20 with your Boyfriend or Best Friend of a year, the baby is now five months. I am not gonna lie I felt jealous she got to do the baby thing first, I am only 7 months older than her so I didnt expect her to have a baby first. But she still lives at home and didnt finish school , and while people are excited for her, just as they maybe with your sister they are not dumb, they no this is not an ideal situation, but we have no choice to just be happy for them, i mean the baby is coming regardless  and it is pointless to not be supportive. But when you time comes people will be just as excited for you, if not more because you are in a stable place in you life, married and this would be the next natural step for you guys, people will be truely and unconditionally excited for you because you will not be in this “train wreck” situation.

 So in short support your sister, and know her having a child first will not take away from when you have one, People are always excited about prenancies regardless if you are the first our last to have a kid. I know my Grandma has 8 kids and 15 grandchildren, and every pregnancy was jst as exciting as the one before!

Post # 10
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

So…first thing…can you talk to your mom about keeping her mouth shut for right now? Four weeks is so early and so much can happen in the future. 

And, I know you feel upset that you aren’t going to have the first grandchild, but take a step back and think about what it will be like once you do get pregnant. You’ll be a bit more stable than your sister is now, and it will be exciting news rather than something you’re very scared of. 

Be there for your sister as much as you possibly can. She definiely needs you right now, especially b/c your mom doesn’t seem to care about much other than telling everyone and their mother that she’s going to be a grandmother.

Post # 11
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@imageeksowhat:  this is off topic, but it did hurt a little, it sounded as though because someone has tattoos and piercings, they are a delinquit :/

Post # 12
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

So, I’m going to open a little and be truly honest here, bear with me.

So, I guess my point is that the best thing you can do for her right now is to continue to be her support. Don’t voice how you feel you think you should have had the first grandchild, or anything like that. Please don’t try to shame her, and stick up for her if someone tries too.

Trust me, she’s putting enough stress on herself, she needs all the support she can get. I’ve been there.

ETA: Call me petty, but I’m not going to share a personal story that still makes me  sad if the OP is going to delete the original topic of the thread…

Post # 13
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@SweetVanity:  I too was the younger sister who “stole that right for my older sister”. She still to this day will say that to my face. I think she sometimes forgets that it wasn’t a a whole mrsmenow is pregnant at 16, yay just what she always wanted kind of thing. And it is really hurtful.

Post # 14
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@sexisammy4u:  Hookah is not harmful, nor a drug, first of all. She should not smoke now that’s she’s preggo, but that’s about it. Also, the piercings and tattoo comment… yeah. We aren’t all drug dealers or street walkers. Some of us like the piercings and tattoos as self expression.

You need to be supportive and brave for her. If she wants to keep the baby, than let her, and just be happy that you get to be an aunt. My brother, father of my niece and nephew, was a terrible parent when he had his first kid at 21. But I loved spoiling that child and pitching in as much as I could. Now, 10 years later, he’s a great dad and the baby helped him get his life back together. This doesn’t happen for everyone, but I credit his turn around and the well-being of my niece (and now nephew) to the fact that he did have a great support system.

Post # 15
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

i have to say i dont think that getting tattoos and piercings nonstop necessarily means you are a train wreck. nor do i think that smoking hookah is like a huge deal. but thats me. i really feel like things could be much much worse.  I do think she has some growing up to do though. Not having a job is a no no. especially now. As far as her not having insurance, when you are pregnant here in illinois you can get a medical card that covers majority if not all of your pregnancy related medical care and some after care for it. I actually think as long as you are a mom you can get it here. Your child is also covered if no regular insurance is available from either parent.do they have something like this where you live?  With all this said my advice is to be as supportive as you can. I really do not think this will take away from the excitement there will be for you and your husband when you do concieve.

A couple of other things….Make sure she files for child support. Even if they are together and doing well. Unless they get married she should have it legally in place that he is required to contribute to raising that child. If they do get married it will automatically stop but he will have been contributing since day one as he should and in the event of a divorce (god forbid of course) they will include child support stipulations in a divorce decree. This protects her and her child and will ensure he is legally responsible for the baby. This is just my advice from my own personal experience. It may seem harsh especially since so far you dont know how he will be towards his child and her but I know first hand that doing this as soon as you can takes away so much stress.

Make sure you keep communication going with her. I know it might be hard but try and stay positive and hope for the best. Lastly, I had my son when I was 20. I was just shy of my 21st birthday. He gave me direction and in many ways saved me and pushed me to make something of my life. I am now happy and settled down, work in a great government job that keeps us in a nice stable life and have always did my best to be a good mom. If you knew me before I had him I would guess you would not have thought I was capable of building a life like I have now as I was a rather self destructive individual. Much worse than what you described of your sister. things might seem bad right now but hope and pray that this situation turns out to be a positive one.

Post # 16
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I fel pregnant with my first child when I was not in a very good place in my life.  I didn’t drink or do drugs.  But I was an emotional wreck, moved back in with my parents, had lost my business and was broke.

My daughter gave me a purpose, something to focus on. She helped me pull myself together and now my life is awesome and progressing quickly both personally and professionally.

Support your sister when she needs it, and hopefully her baby will help her find the same snese of purpose.

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