Post # 1
A few days ago I posted about my sister intruding on my relationship and now I feel the issue has gotten worse. She just irks the crap out of me and it’s getting to the point where I want to exclude her from my life completely. I feel she is immature, reckless and irresponsible.
So, yesterday we had a long conversation about everything. She has lived in..probably 5 states in 2 years. Had so many jobs. She recently got sober and is going to therapy and AA (which I am proud of her for). She has a boyfriend and I point-blank asked her if she can see herself marrying this guy (they have been dating for 2 years) she said she isn’t sure. I asked why they are still dating if she isn’t sure about being with him forever and shouldn’t she let him go so he can find someone who is. She tells me, again, that for her “forever” is irrelevant. He said they have discussed marriage before, they both love each other but just aren’t there yet. She said, for her, it’s not a deal-breaker if she doesn’t see forever. She’s focused on today. I told her I thought that was selfish and asked if her boyfriend feels the same and she said she’s not sure. She said all she knows is that they are crazy about each other, she’s fully committed to the relationship and doesn’t have eyes for anyone else and vice versa. I just couldn’t get over how selfish that is to me. Secondly, I asked why she is still best friends with a girl who slept with her boyfriend 8 years ago and she said they were ‘kids then’ (they were probably 21) and this particular friend has proven time and time again that she is a great friend and that was way in the past. I feel this is an irresponsible judge of character on her end. Lastly, I asked her if she’s ready to settle in one place and she said she doesn’t know; she says she can see herself doing so many different things and doesn’t want to limit herself. I just think she is so irresponsible and annoying!
My mom and partner both say I am being irrational and jealous. Such as I did a few days ago, I still feel like my partner is just obsessed with her and how funny and wild she is. It’s annoying to me because I feel like she gets all this praise and adoration for being a trainwreck. Bleh.
Post # 2
lulabellegrace : I don’t see anything in your description of your sister that says “trainwreck”. In fact, it seems to me your sister is enjoying life much more than you are.
Post # 3
You’re going to get the mostly the same reaction you did from you’re last post: you don’t have a sister problem.
You sound incredibly judgemental of her lifestyle and choices. Nothing she is doing in her life effects you. If you believe your husband has a fixation on her, that’s something you need to work out with him. So what if she’s lived in five states in two years? So what if she doesn’t believe in marriage for herself? She’s her own person. She’s allowed to be “irresponsible” for herself. You said you’re proud of her for getting sober, but in your last paragraph, you called her a trainwreck. Just because someone is living their life differently than you doesn’t mean their way is irresponsible or wrong. I think you need to take a step back from this situation and evaluate why YOU feel this way about her.
Post # 4
Why are you so hung up on her intruding in your relationship when it seems all you do is criticize hers?
Post # 5
Your post is dripping with jealousy.
Post # 6
Just exclude her from your life completely and let her enjoy her life without a jealous, obsessed sister. Grilling her about something that happened 8 years ago with her friend? Ew, OP you have some issues and it ain’t her.
Post # 7
Nothing in this post suggests your sister is intruding in your relationship/life. Quite the opposite. Keep your nose out of HER relationship.
Post # 9
You seem deeply fixated on your sister. Perhaps it’s time you took a break from her. I’m sure she won’t mind.
Post # 10
None of the things you have mentioned here that bother you are any of your business at all and if anyone is being intrusive in the others relationship here it is you.
She’s been with her boyfriend for two years and is perfectly content with their relationship as it is. It is perfectly normal for a couple of two years to just be happy where they’re at and not fussed about the future or marriage. It is incredibly rude and invasive for you to demand that she live her life according to your values. Whether or not she and her boyfriend ever choose to marry has no bearing on your life at all, nor does where she lives or for how long.
She is clearly a very different person than you are and that’s ok. The world would be a very dull place if we were all the same.
You need to step off your high horse and learn to accept others for who they are. If you can’t do that, you will lose your sister and god knows how many other relationships. No one wants to keep someone in their life who is constantly judging and demanding that everyone change to be just like them.
Post # 11
lulabellegrace : Stop worrying about your sister. Don’t blame her for forgiving a friend’s mistake or not knowing the future. You are being jealous and irrational, and rather immature. Stop.
Post # 12
You sound jealous and judgmental. How many posts and how many people are you going to ask looking for the answer you want? Your own family who are much closer to the situation can see it. Believe them. Spend more time worrying about your own life instead of your sisters and you’ll likely have a much better relationship with her.
P.S. Your sister isn’t “bothering” you. That puts the action on your sister. All your sister is doing is living her life and quite happily at that, but she’s not doing anything TO you. You are not her victim, so stop playing victim. The action is YOU continue to let yourself be jealous and judge your sister.
Post # 13
What it really sounds like to me is that you feel like you have done everything “right” in life / followed the script, and have found yourself unhappy and unfulfilled. Now your sister pops up and you see that she seems happy, despite having done everything “wrong” and gone off-script.
Instead of being pissed off at yourself for wasting your life following a script, you’re pissed off at your sister for being living, breathing proof that there are other ways to live.
Instead of recognizing you feel empty and bored and choosing to do something about it, you’ve decided to double down on believing your lifestyle is the only valid one and stew in your resentment toward your sister.
Post # 14
Misery loves company. Don’t badger your freebird sister into exchanging her exciting lifestyle for one of humdrum predictable routines and commitments. She seems to be thriving and enjoying life; you are the unhappy one. Maybe that is why your partner is drawn to her.
She sounds happy and fulfilled. If you were, you wouldn’t be having such an off reaction to her.
Post # 15
- Wedding: February 2018 - UK
I honestly can’t see any problems in the things you’ve mentioned. She moves a lot, she’s happy in a relationship without marriage, and she forgave a friend for a mistake from 8 years ago?
She sounds like she’s enjoying her life, and actually sounds fairly mature about her decisions. What’s selfish about any of this? I genuinely don’t understand how any of those situations could be described as selfish.