(Closed) My sister is truly saddened about me getting married:( Is it normal?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I can semi-relate. My twin sister got engaged within weeks of the break up of my ex and I. I was sad and depressed because I had to begin more wedding planning when mine had just been cancelled.

Have you told her how you feel? I know when my Sis got married we were still so much a part of each others lives it hurt to know that she wasn’t going to be there as often. Do you think she might be partially worried about you not being around for support once you get married?

I don’t know if it’s normal, but I think you should have a really nice talk with her, if you haven’t already.

Post # 4
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t have any sisters so I’m not sure what normal sister behavior is. The only suggestion I can give you is to try to spend some one-on-one time with her so she knows your relationship is not going to change once you are married. I would also talk to her about seeing her doctor and/or a counselor in regards to her depression. Chances are if she’s depressed, it’s not completely related to you getting married. There may be other issues she needs to deal with.

(((Hugs))) Sorry you’re going through this!

Post # 6
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t have a twin sister but my older sister isn’t really there for me in all of this.  She isn’t married, never has been, has two kids from two diff fathers etc.  I went the other path and thus I’ve had a life that she’s I guess jealous of.  I showed her a picture of my dress, not once did she say it was pretty or anything, she just carried on about her friends daughter who is getting married and how unbelievably beautiful her dress is.  For me, I just learned to not even share any kind of exciting info with her because she could care less.  It sucks and I totally feel for you on it.  Don’t let her issues bring you down.

Post # 7
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I don’t have a sister either, but I’m sorry you’re going through this! If I were her I think I’d be excited that she gets to help you plan everything and by the time her time comes you’ll be a wedding pro to help her! It sucks for you because you have to deal with her sadness during your wedding time while you’ll be happy for her during hers. 🙁 Hopefully she snaps out of it soon.

Post # 8
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I have a younger sister that I am very close to and she is going through a similar thing even if it is not the same. She and her boyfriend of two years just broke up. I think she is truly scared that is she going to lose me. She called me today about a problem and thanked me profusely for taking her call. What? Of course I’ll take your call anytime. You are my sister! And she has never done that before. I just try to be there as much as possible. I am hoping as she gets use to it things will become better.

Post # 9
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I have a twin sister. In all of the relationships we’ve had, we have always looked out for one another, and definitely are each others’ toughest critic and biggest support. I have other twin friends who have experienced the same thing. It is tough for one to move on, “away” from the other sister who had previously been #1 in your life for your whole lives (I know I am making generalizations about twin sisters, but for all the twins I know, this is the way it is). My twin was initially hesitant about my engagement, but now she’s happy about it. There’s nothing you can really do but continue to support your sister. Sometimes it is a slow process for them to come around. I’d also say to involve her as much as possible and get her to become friends with your fiance (if she isn’t already).

Good luck! I’m sure everything will work out for you and your sister.

Post # 10
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

it is really normal! Especially since you are twins. She is probably sad because she wants to get married too, but isn’t. It has to be really hard to see you get to go through it all. My oldest sister is sad about me too. She has been with her Boyfriend or Best Friend way longer that I have, and she is 8 years older. She is so super happy for me, and is helping us plan everything, but she is also sad because she wants to do it too.

Post # 11
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I can’t say that I have been through this at all (I don’t have a sister), but I definitely think that if you can convince her to go back to counseling, it would help her greatly. I think you’re a wonderful sister who is truly looking out for her, but it’s sad to me that you’re feeling so guilty during a time which you should be the most happy. Do your best to assure her that she will find the right one soon, and that you aren’t leaving her side because you’re getting married.  You’ll still be around and be able to talk about anything and everything. Still, she sounds quite depressed, and I think she needs someone to talk to other than you.

Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!

Post # 12
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My twin sis has also lived in another country or state for the last 3 years but we’re really close (I just had to upgrade my minutes because we talk so much on the phone, actually ^_^). She’s also had a few bummed moments, I think, because she’s said that once I get married it’s not going to be us against the world anymore. She wasn’t hesitant about our engagement, because she really likes my Fiance, but I hope she doesn’t feel like my getting married will negate our closeness.

I think what’s helping us is that I’ve told both her and Mr Spin that they’re both going to be my #1s, but in different ways. When Mr Spin and I started dating, I flat out told him that it’s kind of a “love me, love my sister” thing. My twin sis really is like my other half and getting married doesn’t really change that for me. To me it’s important to keep our future plans and goals alive, even though I’m getting married. My sister and I are still going to go on a vacay to Prague, just the 2 of us, like we’ve always planned, no boys allowed. ^_^

Also, and I know this may not work in your situation, my sister is taking a stretch of vacation time before the wedding so that she and I can have quality bonding time before I’m shackled to the ol’ ball and chain (kidding ^_^). This is really important to both her and I, and I’m really excited for it.

Nothing hurts like when your twin is hurting. 🙁 I hope it works out and you can find a way to keep her remembering that nothing quite compares to your relationship and that getting married doesn’t mean you won’t be twins anymore.


Post # 13
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Its strange how sisters can be sometimes

Post # 15
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This is so sad-I have an identical twin and when she got engaged (5 years before me!) I was so excited I felt like I was getting married. I don’t think this is normal sister behavior.

Post # 16
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have no advice, but wow, it seems like we have lots of twins on Weddingbee!

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