Post # 1
I’m close with my sister, but it’s always been an odd relationship because I act more like her mother than a sister sometimes. I’m about 6 years older than her and helped my single mom raise her, so since I was able to drive, I always take her to doctor’s appointments and that sorts. I didn’t ask her to be my Maid of Honor because she was 18 and is a freshman in college when we started wedding planning, so I thought she would be too young and have too much on her plate to do much wedding planning with me.
The girl I’ve asked to be my Maid of Honor is my best friend who I’ve known for almost 15 years and always knew she would be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I was also going to be her Maid/Matron of Honor before her relationship with her fiance fell apart and the wedding was called off. I love her like a sister too, but I didn’t realize that my sister would be upset that she wasn’t chosen to be my Maid/Matron of Honor.
Both girls have helped me tremendously in the wedding planning, so I was wondering if there was a way to make them both Maids of Honor, or how to talk to my sister about this? I didn’t know she was upset until yesterday when my mother told me. The wedding is 5.5 months away now…
I only have one other bridesmaid (3 in total) and I’ve known her since birth, but she lives several states away and hasn’t helped with any decisions at all, like literally not responding to anything… yet she was the one who asked me if she could be a bridesmaid. I know I can’t have 2 of them be MOH’s and one sticking out like a sore thumb (even if she isn’t doing anything to help), but I don’t want my sister to be upset either!
Post # 3
Talk to your sister and explain the reasons you didnt ask her to be Maid/Matron of Honor. There is no reason you can’t have 2 maids of honor, if thats what you want.
Post # 4
I just don’t want to make the 3rd bridesmaid feel like she’s out of place or like a 3rd wheel, know what I mean?
I just wanted to add that my sister really didn’t grow up until the last 6 months since she started dorming… I mean she didn’t know how to do laundry or even how long to microwave left-over pizza (I’m dead serious, she was the baby and mom really baby’d her growing up!). And we started the wedding plan longer than 6 months ago.
Post # 5
Can you honor your sister in another way? Special toast? Reading during the ceremony? Something to let her know how important she is to you.
Post # 6
@truefrommetoyou: Ya but doing laundry and knowing how to cook doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, my own sister is not my Maid/Matron of Honor either for a whole list of reasons, but mainly that we just aren’t close. It sounds like you two were very close at one time.
I think you should sit down and talk to your sister and explain everything, and listen to her side. Being a Maid/Matron of Honor can be time consuming and expensive, both of which can be tough for an 18 year old student. Maybe she doesn’t realizes the repsonsibilities that come with the title.
And regarding the 3rd bridesmaid, I don’t think its a big deal. You could always talk to her privately and explain what happened, but it doesn’t sound like she is very interestd anyways.
It’s not like the girls walk around wearing signs that say “I’m a MOH!” or “I’m just a lousy bridesmaid”. Guests don’t really pay attention to that kind of stuff. It’s really just a title that the bride gives out.
Post # 7
Sit down and talk with her. We all have our feelings hurt in life sometimes, but that doesn’t means someone else has to change their plans because of it.
We don’t always get our way in life and we all need to learn that lesson at some time.
Time to help her grow up even more.
Post # 8
@Bostongrl25: I know what you mean about the laundry and cooking thing, I was just trying to show her maturity level and how she (until very recently) didn’t really grow up. We are and have always been close, but it’s been more like a mother/daughter bond as opposed to the sister bond that we recently have acquired now that she’s grown up more.
She’s coming into town in about 2 weeks for Spring Break (her school is about an hour away) so I’ll sit her down and talk to her then. I do like the idea of honoring her in some way as well.
Post # 9
I had a very similar problem! I had first nominated my little sister as Maid/Matron of Honor out of sense of obligation, but I had to switch that to someone else as I really needed a mature woman to handle the duties. (other reasons too, her blatant immaturity being one) Just explain to her that its not a rank of how much you love each of them, just that someone more your age knows what to expect and has better damage control capabilities and stress management skills. Seriously it will be hard, but on that day it really is about you and what works best.
Post # 10
You can do whatever you want! All four of my sisters are in my wedding, and I consider them all my Maids of Honor, I asked them each individually while explaining to them I’m not playing a favorites game, I love them all so much and couldn’t see my wedding with out all of them being my Maid’s of Honor.
Post # 11
@truefrommetoyou: I think lindsay83 makes a good point in that as shiny as the Maid/Matron of Honor title is, it comes with tasks that are necessary to carry out for the wedding. What with your sister just starting school, etc., you knew it would be the healthier decision for everyone if you chose your friend to handle those tasks as opposed to burdening your sister who is starting to navigate her life in school. Still, you can find a way to honor her with a reading.
Post # 12
I’m having my sister as my maid of honour but having my best friend do a reading during our ceremony.
Maybe you could split the maid of honour duties between them both? or give them completely different jobs to help you out….
You can get your Groom to bring your sisters name into his speech to thank her for her help?!!…
Personally I think there should be one Maid of Honour but if you feel you want two to make life easy then have two….
Either way they will both be there for you on the day xx