(Closed) My sister is wearing an ivory wedding dress to my wedding

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Is it appropriate for my bridesmaid to wear a wedding dress to my wedding?

    No

    Yes

    WATF

  • Post # 136
    Member
    345 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    jenniewrennie :  let both ur mom n sister know that u will be wearing a white ball gown wedding dress ( like a princess) on ur sister s wedding day when ever that is. Else ask them to wear blush full stop.

    Post # 137
    Member
    199 posts
    Blushing bee

    As we say around here, “your mom is cray.”

    Does your mom have a sister or a best friend whom you can enlist to talk sense into her? This isn’t really going to reflect on you because this is obviously nonsense but your sister is going to look like a goober because your mom is more interested in a power play than the feelings of either of her daughters. 

    I really don’t think these shenanigans will make you look strange at the end of the day, but I wouldn’t blame you for deciding this is a hill to die on, either. 

    Post # 138
    Member
    390 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    jenniewrennie :  i actually think it looks totally OK. yes it is white and such. if you were wearing a plain dress, absolutely not. but you know, she is sister of the bride and if it makes her feel special that is cool. YOU are the one walking down the aisle. maybe she is jealous?

    why cant the girl wear what the other bridesmaids are wearing?

    my advice to you however is do WHAT YOU WANT. DO NOT let mom say, if you dont do X they wont come. my mom did that to me on quinincera and i changed a big part because of her. now she doesnt remember but every time i remember quincinera i remember that it was the best day of my life EXCEPT for that one thing she made me change that i really wanted. this was over ten years ago and i still regret listening to her. in fact, i think if i had not listend to her, she would still have come anyway because shes my mom and its a big occasion

    Post # 139
    Member
    809 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Oh bee this is ridiculous. 

    Firstly try to talk to your sister and make her see sense. Don’t say horrible things about your mum as it could get her back up, just try to appeal to her reasonable side and say you think mum is a bit mixed up with what is acceptable and it would hurt your feelings if she did this.

    If this doesn’t work, and you want them to come to the wedding then I agree with PP that you need to put coloured shoes/ headband/ wrap on top of the white dress. If you are having flowers/bouquets, you could give yours and your other bridesmaids a boost and make them bigger and make the maid of honours smaller so “you don’t detract from the dress”. Yeah it’s petty but they are being nasty  

    Post # 140
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee

    I just had to speak up again after seeing the pics. For all the ppl suggesting that this bride (who has said that she does not want her sister wearing this ivory wedding dress to her wedding) just ask the sister to cover it up, or be flower girl instead, or to just be okay w it bc it isn’t flattering on the sister anyway- are you almost as nuts as her mom and sister?! I don’t understand.

    If a bride doesn’t want someone else (especially a family member or a bridesmaid) in a ivory wedding dress at her wedding, she can and should just say so even though it should not need to be said. Those ppl either don’t attend or wear clothes that aren’t bridal. Because, if they aren’t in agreement or think this cuckoo plan is fine, I predict that any shawl/sweater will magically be forgotten.

    Whether or not you think the sister looks good, the OP feels uncomfortable w her in the dress (and I think she even said that she feels her sister is already prettier/thinner(?) along w being younger and she never suggested that she would make sense as a flower girl). Most flower girls are younger and aren’t so old/big/tall that they can’t even fit in their moms wedding dress anymore. I was basically the same Jessica rabbit shape at 14 as I am now. I’d have looked insane as a flower girl in a wedding dress. And most flower girl dresses are a child’s variation of a wedding dress – w sleeves and big bows and poofy skirts- not strapless and fitted- because flower girls are usually little children (which it does not sound like OP’s half sister looks like at all).

    I have a younger sister who ppl often say is taller and thinner (even though there isn’t much difference). Ppl are always pointing out to me (the bride) that they found outfits perfect for my thin sister. It would never be okay for me if she was in a wedding dress in pics at my wedding. Just not a good feeling.

    OP, it seems your mom favors your sister (bigtime) and they are both ridiculous. This isn’t the only unbelievably jawdropping nonsense that they’ll throw your way before this wedding is over. You might want to read up on how to deal w narcissistic or emotionally abusive or toxic parents. 

    Post # 141
    Member
    608 posts
    Busy bee

    I went to a wedding a few years ago where this happened. The grooms niece, but more like little sister, was a Bridesmaid or Best Man and wore a wedding dress. A full on satin floor length mermaid style gown. Idk what the circumstances were or if the bride was fine with it but I thought she looked absolutely ridiculous. 

    I’m with the majority. If they’re going to be like this then don’t come.

    Post # 143
    Member
    1308 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

    Wow. This whole situation is batshit insane. However, your second update made me feel a little better for you. Your sister’s wedding dress (*cringe*) is definitely less grand than yours – it’s tea length, whereas yours is full length, and is much less elaborate. With the added jacket, which is incredibly matronly, she definitely will not outshine you. Still, your mom sounds incredibly manipulative and borderline abusive. (She blocks communication between her two children?)

    Post # 144
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee

    Not sure if anyone has mentioned it.. but is having the dress dyed a crazy idea? 

    Post # 145
    Member
    462 posts
    Helper bee

    Wow… umm WOW!! I think this may just be the weirdest thread I have ever seen on the bee (and that is saying something!) 

    Im sorry you are going through this. I hope one day when your sister is abit older you will be able to rebuild your relationship with her and understand you not wanting to burn that bridge yet.

    I would definitely swap her bouquet to the same style as the other bridesmaids and would also try to find matching accessories for them all.

    Are you able to get her a cardi/shrug in the same colour of the bridesmaids? I think removing the LAce jacket will help it look different to yours.

    Would your mum be happy to hem the dress so it is the same length as the one on the model (or even a fraction shorter)? Again I think this will help move the dress into a more junior bridesmaid look.

     

    Post # 146
    Member
    462 posts
    Helper bee

    PS – I was sooo releaved your “another update” wasn’t saying “They have added a VEIL!”

    Post # 147
    Member
    2274 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I have read this whole sad tale, and as a very happy mom of children and children in law, I always wonder why people resort to doing such terrible things to their children.

    I DO NOT think your decision is selling out to yourself or being a doormat, but rather that you have decided to take the most dignified, mature, thoughtful path regarding your sister.

    SO- can she carry a very large, ornate bouquet of flowers, ribbons, a couple pieces of fruit (LOL) to take the curse off the stark white? 

    Post # 148
    Member
    831 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    View original reply
    jenniewrennie :  she has £200 four inch sparkly heels to go with it? Dear Lord! Your mum sounds insane dressing her 14 year old up like that four inch heels on a 14 year old always look trashy sorry, I say that as a 14 year old who had fourninch heels as well and yes I did look trashy! I will clarify as I didn’t put it in my other post I don’t think the dress is acceptable at all but i also got a real sense there wasn’t a cat in hells chance they were going to give in and get something else so I’d really just push the pink accessories and go down that path. Love Clark’s shoes at least you will be comfortable, I bought proper wedding shoes and kicked them off most of the day my feet were bloody killing! Play up the pink accessories and also have your bridesmaids make a comment when she gets dressed. Not nasty just when she comes out in her white wedding dress just have them go “oh I take it your wearing something pink with that aren’t you? You’ll look a bit silly all in white!” And then offer the pink. She’s 14 she might not realise now people will side eye her for the dress but she will when they are doing it! Bridesmaids are a great way to steer the day in the right direction. Good luck!! 

    Post # 149
    Member
    54 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    View original reply
    jenniewrennie :  Does your stepdad have anything to say about all this insanity? If you two have a good relationship, maybe he can step in as a voice of reason for your mom and sister.

    Post # 150
    Member
    748 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    So do you have a side job teaching stress relief to Tibetan monks? I think you’re qualified…

    How you have not totally lost your sh*t at your mother and sister is mind boggling.

    Mad Kudos, Bee. 

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