Post # 1
So I am having a destination wedding in november 2014 (over a year aaway) and I finally sent out my invitations.
my sister who lives 4 hours away texted me saying she got the invitation then texted again saying “we’re not coming though”
which i found was very rude first off!!! Then I proceeded to ask why, the typical answer i was expecting that they cant afford it, yet my fiance and her husband have had disagreements where my sisters husband has made comments that he “pisses $50.00” so as you can imagine it took alot of strength for me to not say “get him to start pissing all those fifty dollar bills”.
I dont have a strong relationship with her husband, many things have happened, and point is we just dont get along, and everyone knows it but we will be civil. I asked her if just her could come – after all , our family from out easy will all be there who we have not seen in years, let alone met our baby cousin! So she is missing out on a huge one time only family reunion. Anyways she said that “it wouldnt be fair to bob (well call him that)” and I just dont understand, when she was married i was her Maid/Matron of Honor and did so much, parties, showers, and did a lot for her, i dont even expect any of that, i just want her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and there, its a vacation for everyone after all.
Her other thing is that they are planning something- they are planning to go to europe next year to probably smoke a bunch of drugs then come back to canada since they are going to sell everything they have to be able to afford to go to europe. I am really upset and hurt by all this because the least her husband could do (if he was nice and mature) would say “hey maybe you should just go to your little sister wedding” i know for a fact she is going to regret it in a few years.
I just need some advice on what to say to her, and ask her, we havent actually had a conversation just her texts saying shes not coming, i dont want drama but i want to know why exactly and if shes just being lazy, i mean 80$ a month to put in savings is not much when your husband pisses $50. (apparently)
Any advice on what to ask, say or do?
Post # 3
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. It sucks that your sister and her husband don’t know what the right thing to do is. I don’t know if there is much you can do to change that though, I know it’s hurtful but focus on you and your soon-to-husband and the wonderful life you’ll have. Don’t let them and their rudeness take away from your day. If they want to be selfish and rude, that is their loss and hopefully one day they will realize it.
Post # 4
@yayaya: The worst thing is that once we were engaged – even way before! everyone knew my dream was to always have a destination wedding, its not like it was out of the blue, and theres tons of time to prepare for it! I just need to let it go and concentrate on myself
Post # 5
I’m sorry, selfish and inconsiderate people suck. There’s nothing you can really say to her that will change her mind. All I can suggest is telling her something like ‘I’m sorry you can’t make it, I’ll tell the family that you send your love’. Don’t let them ruin your day. Also, make sure you tell your photographer that these are long distance family members and get some nice shots of the extended family that you don’t see often.
Post # 6
I would think a year and a half would be enough time to save for your sister’s wedding. That is not just a casual aquaintance. I would be hurt too.
Post # 7
@AFraser90: People make time for the things that are important to them. I’m sorry but its a sad truth. I’m having a destination cruise wedding in about 15 months and I already have people saying they can’t make it too. Including my fiance’s parents who haven’t booked yet and are claiming its too much of a financial burden-but have no issues spending money elsewhere. I know it’s especially hurtful because its your family-your sister. But try to keep focus on the fact that a wedding is just a day; but, a marriage is a lifetime. In the end, as long as she was present in you and your future spouse’s lives more in the marriage than the wedding day, you’re doing fine. In My Humble Opinion.
Post # 8
@AFraser90: Sorry but it’s their money to spend as they want. Why should they cut back on spending for a year and a half, to go on a vacation they don’t want to go on? Especially if it means cancelling or postponing a vacation they do want to go on?
I have some sympathy because you spent a lot on her wedding. But was it over $1000? If it wasn’t, you can’t really complain. If it was, I would remind her that you spent a lot of her wedding so you would really be disappointed if she can’t attend yours.
Bottom line is you’ve got to expect some people not to show when it’s a destination wedding. Enjoy the people who come.
Post # 9
@AFraser90: I am so very sorry!
My sisterS did not come to my wedding either; neither did my mom! Which drasitcally changes an intimate family wedding if 50% of the people are coming. We had to re-vamp our plans completely as they told us up front they could not come out (my mom said I was asking too much of them). I even included the cost of all their room, board, transportation to kind of sweeten the deal.
One sister is even an nurse anesthetist – so she’s loaded and had 4 day work week. I flew in for her wedding a few years early, and was a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I also had flow in to host a very expensive downtown Chicago baby shower (it HAD to be in Chicago she said). They just needed a 3 day weekend and a flight. Very disappointing to say the least. I felt very unloved and unimportant to them.
Sometimes the people that you love just have different priorities than you. I’m working on still loving them regardless and accepting them as they are.