Post # 1
I’m a lurker, and feel like I’ve read everything here – I’m sorry I’m just now posting.
But my sister has told me that she isn’t going to be at my wedding, because another friend (not her best friend, but a close one) asked her to be in her wedding, and she’s going to do that.
Her reason was that we aren’t close anymore. That’s true. That’s because last year I was her Maid/Matron of Honor – and after I did all the Maid/Matron of Honor duties, a couple weeks before her wedding, she demoted me to a bridesmaid over email, because she said she wanted someone who would be “her rock” and she realized she should have chosen her best friend, not me (Why wasn’t I her rock? Because I brought her to lunch one day and when she told me she was no longer interested in a relationship with me, that she only wanted her husband’s family to be her family – that she wanted nothing to do with the rest of us – I started crying).
I was terribly embarrassed and hurt and angry, but went to her wedding anyway, and was nothing but cheerful. Yet she didn’t talk to me after that – and the few times I reached out to talk to her about it, she said she had “moved past it” and I had to, too. Except – she wasn’t the one who was hurt!
So there you go. She’s not coming, but she’s looking forward to seeing me & fiance at the baptism of her twins next month, and of course she’s happy I’m happy, etc.
I’m just – super upset. I have a very small family, just her and our dad and our uncle. My uncle is very ill, and might not make it. Of course, I’ll have other people there who love me, but…it’s tough.
Post # 3
That really sucks. The part about wanting her FI’s new family to be her only family is wierd to me. Has she had some sort of a long standing falling out with your family? I’m confused as to why she would say this out of the blue. Has she offered any explanation for that?
Regardless, sister difficulty is especially hard when you’re all happy and wanting to share that with the important women in your life. I’m sorry that she’s being this way, but it sounds like she might even try to make your day difficult if she does show.
Oh, and welcome to the Bee! We’re happy you’re here 🙂
Post # 4
Wow! I would be so upset if my sister treated me like that too!
Post # 5
Thanks, @julies1949. That actually makes me feel better and less crazy for being upset.
@bells219 – I was surprised, too!
Post # 6
This is an awful story. I don’t even know what to say. She seems very unkind. I know it’s difficult because she is your sister, but if she made that decision and proceeded to treat me so badly, I would cut her out of my life and focus on positive things.
My mom and aunt were estranged for a few years for a pretty serious reason involving my uncle (and his dishonesty) but eventually they rekindled a relationship. It’s not deep by any means, but it is civil and friendly at times. My mom is pretty realistic in her expectations of my aunt and vice versa, and as adults, they move on with their own lives and catch up sporadically.
Maybe that’s how it will be with your sister, but I would really hesitate if I were you. She doesn’t seem trustworthy and she seems incredibly self-involved.
:(. Hugs, lady.
Post # 7
Wow…that sucks so bad…she’s your sister…close or not! Sorry you have to deal with that 🙁
Post # 8
@DaisyNYC: Are there any long-standing sources of tension in your family? Has your sister felt like this for a long time? Were you close in childhood, or have things always been a bit weird?
Because if there aren’t long-standing issues…your sister is kind of nuts.
In any case, I’m sorry that she won’t be there, but also kind of…maybe it’s a blessing in disguise, you know?
Post # 9
Yuck. I am so sorry. 🙁 You totally deserve to be upset. Surround yourself with your dad and uncle and people who support you. So sorry.
Post # 10
I can’t believe your sister. Doesn’t she know that blood is thicker than water? Just because she is being welcomed into her husband’s family doesn’t mean she needs to dump on her family. That is so inconsiderate. She’s acting like she’s better than your family. I really think she should be going to your wedding too. She seems very selfish right now and also back when she made you a bridesmaid. I’m sorry you have to go through this
Post # 11
@DaisyNYC: Wow, I’m sorry about your sister. She sounds selfish and wacky. Do what us girls without sisters do, and surround yourself with other woman friends who act more like a sister than your sister does.
Post # 12
if she “only wanted her husband’s family to be her family – that she wanted nothing to do with the rest of us”, why are you invited to her twins christening?
i wouldnt go to be honest – how many times does someone have to treat you like shit before you say to heck with you, i deserve better