(Closed) My Sister Made a Huge Mistake

posted 8 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 16
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

She made a mistake, and then reacted in an immature manner after. That being said, it was just a *mistake*. Give her a break!

Post # 18
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@Cupcake2012: Hmm I think I inferred/assumed she had apologized when she told you of her mistake. If she didnt, then that speaks volumes, and not in a good way.

Post # 19
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

When my sister got married and had a wedding of epic proportions, I was going through a horrible breakup and wasn’t there as much as I should have been.  However, when it came time to planning an over the top bridal shower, a bachelorette party that fulfilled her expectations, managing a large party of bridesmaids (2 of them not so cooperative), and preventing a reception hall drapery DISASTER, I was there. 

After the wedding of epic proportions, she became separated quickly.  Since not everyone in the family knew about the ‘situations’ that were going on, I had to cover for many a holiday and family gathering, lying about where her ‘husband’ was, etc. The divorce came just shy of a year later and a few months after that I found out she was gay and right after that engaged. So, needless to say, there were folks thinking she was still married, folks who knew she was divorced, others who knew she was gay, and yet others knowing the full truth, that she was engaged again. It’s been hard to keep track of who knows what, and in an attempt to “keep my stories straight” for the sake of everyone, I accidentally let the engagement slip to my mom, asking them not to mention her first wedding to my FI’s parents since they “only know that she is engaged”, and know nothing of her previous wedding, divorce, or the fact that her Fiance is not a man.

After the phone call happened, I called and said i made a huge mistake. And texted and apologized. over and over. I am told I am selfish but I truly believe that I had false expectations about what a Maid/Matron of Honor should do and have let go of that and continued most of my wedding planning by myself. Most (nearly all) of her weekend time is spent with her Fiance (because it is long-distance), and I am still trying to adjust to not having her around a lot, so perhaps that is why I am called selfish.

After 30 years of having her around and 6 or so months of not having her around, perhaps I have acted in a selfish manner. But I have apologized for my mistake (many times), called and defended her to our mom, and after being met with profanity and being called selfish and self centered I don’t know what else to do.

Post # 20
Member
1277 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

aod108  Thank you for telling your side of the story…I think this is the first time that I have gotten the other side of the story…

That being said it looks like both you and your sister love eachother very much…it was a mistake which she should forgive….

Hope you two can work through this and be back to a happy and peaceful place.

 

Post # 21
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

She made the mistake here not you. 

Post # 22
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

@Cupcake2012: I just wanted to say that my partner and I got together while I was still divorcing. We were engaged 1 month after my divorce was finalized and have been together ever since. So, don’t let anyone make you feel bad if things have moved quickly. I think alot of times when we’ve lived what we don’t want it’s easier the 2nd time around to spot what we do want. I also came out to family while getting divorced. My Mom had a hard time with it, but time helps all things. Now we can talk openly about it but at first it was painful for me. Live your life openly and proudly, it’s the only way to go. Congratulations to you!

Post # 25
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I think that she just made a mistske and you should forgive her. If she makes the same mistake again then you know it was out of spite. I do not think she was setting out to hurt you on purpose. Just remember we do not get to pick our family but we are stuck with them the rest of our lives…

Post # 26
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry you’re hurt but honestly I think you’re overreacting a little bit. This will all blow over eventually and she is your sister after all. Don’t let this spiral out of control.

Post # 27
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hey, I just wanted to give a perspective from the other side.

My brother is gay and while my parents know about it we kinda just don’t talk about it. (I mean my brother and I do, we are super close, but basically no one brings it up in front of Mom and Dad.)

Now I am very close to my mom and I will fully admit that I have almost slipped up a few times and mentioned my bro and his boyfriend or whatever. I can’t even say something like “oh I went to dinner with little bro and his boyfriend last night.” Such a simple statement, it’s so easy to just come out in conversation. Most of the time I catch myself and remind myself that I can’t say “his boyfriend” to her… It is SO hard to keep secrets like this, especially from my mom because I am close to her and tell her everything!!

Anyways, I don’t know the whole story or what your relationship is like with your sister… But if it really was an honest mistake or accident you need to let it go. I hope that if/when I do slip up like that my brother will forgive me…

Post # 29
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

While I think she needs to be apologizing every chance she gets, I wonder if it’s not a blessing in disguise.  Of course, it’s your life and your information to share… but… now it’s said.  You can live completely honestly– opinions be damned.  I’d be more upset if my sister and mom were berating my choices behind my back or basically gossiping. 

Life brings changes and you’re both facing new experiences.  I was in an ongoing disagreement with my sister and I went through times when not being able to share with her was so sad. 

When you look back, after time has taken the sting out of recent events, I think you’d regret not being Maid/Matron of Honor.  Take the high road and let the memory of the wedding outshine everything else. 

Congratulations on finding happiness!

Post # 30
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@19801111: um, are you the OP’s sister? It seems odd that your stories are so similar…..

 

OP, Im sorry this is such a tough thing for you, but I think maybe mending bridges might be a good idea. Lord knows I have horrible disagreements with my sister, and yeah we go periods without speaking- thats the only way we can cool our heads and then remember we are sisters. Maybe some cooling time is in order?

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