(Closed) My Sister/ Matron of honor is not coming

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2143 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think it is selfish that you want your sister to come, but you also can’t force her. If it really is anxiety, just gently let her know that you support her either way and try not to sound irritated when you talk to her (even if you were) because I imagine that would make her feel worse. Axiety isn’t always rational, but that doesn’t mean you can just turn it on or off without professional help (and sometimes medication.)

Another possibility is, if she is anything like Darling Husband, she may feel ashamed to have family help. Darling Husband does not like “handouts” and would never admit he needed financial help. If someone offered to pay for something so he can afford to participate, he would still turn it down because he feels too guilty and has too much pride. Even if it were family. To me it’s silly, coming from a family that is always helping each other out, but that’s just his personality and I can’t change that.

Post # 4
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You’re not being selfish. It’s completely understandable that you would be hurt if she didn’t come to your wedding. I could not imagine ever missing my sister’s wedding. But I also don’t know what it’s like to experience anxiety to the level your sister must be if she would be willing to miss your wedding, so that must be really difficult for her.  And accepting financial help can be very dificult.

I think if your family continues to tell her that they will be with her the entire time and maybe you could even talk to her about NYC and let her know that it isn’t that intimidiating, she may come around. I think you should be patient with her, so as not to make her defensive, and just let her know how much it would mean to you to have her there with you to celebrate your big day. Hopefully she will come around eventually, because you’re right, she will regret it if she doesn’t come to your wedding.

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