(Closed) My sister refuses to be my MOH

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

don’t be hurt. 

she has her issues. alot of overweight women can’t find a way to love their own body… and sometimes the shame and self conscious feelings can get in the way of life, even with something as big as your wedding.


Post # 4
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Do not be hurt.. I would keep trying and really encourage her… self-esteem i think is what is holding her back, offer to let her choose her own dress or something like that to make her feel more comfortable

Post # 6
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Be dissapointed, but she just doesnt feel comfortable with herself. It may be your wedding, but her problems are about her, not you. her problems with herself span larger than one day so, while its dissapointing, be supportive of her decision.

Post # 7
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Did she say if there was another way she was willing to be involved? By you asking, you clearly give the right to decline as she did. I would probably move on and find another way to involve her.

Post # 8
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Dont put pressure on her if its really something she doesnt want to do, how would you feel if she caved and felt really horrible on your wedding day?

I think asking twice is enough, she if she would feel comfortable being involved in some other way.

Post # 10
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

If your sister’s willing to do the speech, I think that would be lovely. 

This is a really sad post- that her body issues can affect how she lives her life this much. But I wouldn’t push her anymore on this.

Post # 12
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with PPs. These are her issues with her body, not her issues with your wedding. She can STILL give a speech at your wedding, if she wants to and she can still be your Maid/Matron of Honor. If this was me I would still have her as my Maid/Matron of Honor and just not require her to stand up there or even wear the same dress (do whatever she is comfortable with). I would let her know that she can do whatever she feels comfortable doing, but that her being my Maid/Matron of Honor was important to me. Even if it is just an honorary title and she does nothing that a normal Maid/Matron of Honor does, if it is important that she be your Maid/Matron of Honor, I would let her know that you’re okay with her just having the title Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 13
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Aw!! This is a sucky situation. I would try not to let this upset you too much. But don’t let her guilt you into not have bridesmaids at all. She has the right to turn down Maid/Matron of Honor, but she does not have the right to dictate who else you ask. I think it was a really good idea to let her pick out her own dress since she’s likely to look better in something differnt than the other bridesmaids. Maybe talk about how excited you were to see her all dressed up and beautiful for the wedding. But if the whole Maid/Matron of Honor thing is out the window then I would ask her what she would be most comfortable doing. You could suggest that you would love for her to give the speech. She could even do the speech as a voice over slide show with pictures of you guys so that people wouldn’t be watching her the whole time. Or maybe there is some other way she would like to be involved. I would definately let her know that you love her and want her to be involved but also understand her concerns and want her to be comfortable. At some other time it might also be a good idea to bring up the possibility of your sister seeing a counselor. It sounds like she has pretty severe self confidence issues that might be helped if she got some help from a counselor. But that should be completely unrelated to any wedding discussions.

Post # 14
7738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You say she is thinking “everybody would be asking about why she wasn’t in the wedding”. Well getting her to do a speech gets around that problem. Because then she IS in the wedding in a sense, just not as a bridesmaid. I think getting her to do a speech would work well, and won’t look strange. (Also, if the two BMs are your two future SILs. it’s probably best if you don’t want to promote one over the other as Maid/Matron of Honor anyway).

Don’t be hurt at her refusal. She must have really bad self confidence to not want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 15
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I know that when I was at my heaviest, I wouldn’t even let people take my picture at a party. I also turned down trips to places like the beach or going on my brother’s boat because I couldn’t stand swimming in a tee shirt and wouldn’t be seen in a bathing suit. It can really limit your life when you feel horrible about your weight. I’m sorry, hopefully your sister will be involved in other ways but don’t push her on this. It was a nice gesture to ask but unless you’ve been there yourself you just can’t understand.

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