Post # 1
So, yesterday my sister and I got in a huge fight. She’s planning my bachelorette party, and I am about ready to call the whole thing off! First off, it took her FOREVER to send out invitations…and now she wants to change the date because she forgot to ask off of work (she is a bartender in Athens, GA and planned the party on a game day.) So, I said fine whatever just make sure you notify everyone. She still hasn’t notified anyone..or officially changed the date. Then, to make matters worse, she said she may not even come to the wedding because she doesn’t think we should be getting married. I think she was exaggerating, but she still said it. My sister is a very opionated person, and I love her for that (most of the time) but when it comes to doubting my marriage I am seriously offended. My Fiance is nothing but great to me, and we have a child together.
Any advice? What would you do if your sister told you she didn’t support your marriage? It makes me not want her up there standing next to us, I only want people who support us up there. If she’s up there it makes it seem fake. I don’t know what to do…I’m so upset right now.
Post # 3
Is she jealous?
Do you have a close friend who can take over for the party tactfully?
Sorry, it sounds like a sad situation.
Post # 4
I’m not sure what her problem is…I’m younger than her so jealousy may be an issue, but it never really has been before in our relationship. We have always been super close…and yes I do have a friend that can take over the party. She has been more than willing to help. If I could go back I would choose her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, but the dresses are already in and now i’m not sure what to do.
Worst of it is is that my mom is guilt tripping me about how I am not being understanding. I’m sorry but I can’t understand how someone would plan a party on a day that they know they have to work. I’m just really at a loss at this point.
Post # 5
My sister said the same thing to me. So, I asked her to step down as my Maid/Matron of Honor. My Fiance and I only want people who are supportive of us to stand with us on our wedding day. Now she probably won’t even come to the wedding, but that’s on her, not me. In the end, I asked my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and she gladly accepted and has been wonderful!
Post # 6
@abnorris: What reason did she give for not supporting the marriage?
Post # 7
I went through something like this with my sister… she said she wouldn’t come to the wedding… and it was (and still is) a whole lotta drama.
Here’s the thing – you won’t be able to understand her issues (she may not even fully understand what’s going on) so you just have to manage your life around her and let her figure it out in her own timing.
As for dealing with the hurt of the words – just chalk it up to how difficult it is for some people to deal with change. You could drive yourself crazy trying to understand – but I don’t think there is a ton of value in that.
It sounds like your sister is in the wedding party. If she is, don’t kick her out. She may be having a hard time with your wedding, but kicking her out will only create a greater divide between the two of you. She may have some valid concerns about your marriage, but that won’t ultimately (in theory) stop her from being a support to you IN your marriage.
As for the bachelorette party – I’d tell her it’s stressing you out that the details aren’t being handled and ask her if she still wants to plan it and you would understand if she’s unable to.
Post # 8
Did she give any reasons for saying that? If she did, I would listen to her concerns and address them. If not, then it sounds like something said in anger and I wouldn’t tolerate it. That would be unacceptable and deserving of an apology.
Honestly, my younger sister (was barely in her 20’s) met a guy and told me (seriously) she was going to marry him. Since it didn’t end up serious I didn’t say anything but otherwise I fully would’ve said that I didn’t support the marriage. Turned out he had gambling issues and took money from her as loans which he never paid back. As the older sister I was most definitely not jealous but I was concerned and wouldn’t have supported it. But I would’ve followed it up with my concerns and I would hope she would listen.
Barely a year later she met her husband. So, still same age about, but he was right for her. I loved him and them together and couldn’t wait to have him as my brother.
So like I said, if she had reasons, I would address them. If not and in anger, she needs to sit with the guests or apologize.
ETA: If I did voice my concerns and she addressed them or really just listened, then I would’ve supported. I wouldn’t have continued to be judgey.
Post # 9
I’ve always looked up to her and I have always valued her opionion. But, she gave no reasons for why she said that. She actually said it over text messages, saying maybe she wouldn’t be at the wedding since she didn’t support it anyways. Then, she quit responding. It is such unecessary drama that I DO NOT want to deal with. GRRR!
Post # 10
I think you have to get to the bottom of that before you decide on a course of action. She can’t just drop a bomb like that on you and not explain herself.
Post # 11
@abnorris: sounds like she was just speaking out of frustration… but, I know if I were in your shoes, I’d want more of an explaination.
Post # 12
@abnorris: She should give more of an explanation of why she does not support you
Post # 13
Thanks guys! Ya’ll really helped me calm down. I still can’t get her to return my calls/texts so we will see how it all ends up. Thanks again fellow bees 🙂
Post # 14
My father didn’t support my wedding either and we already had a child together. He missed out on walking me down the isle because of it and I know how bad he feels about it now that we have been married 6 months. If they aren’t supportive, they shouldn’t be in the wedding. Simple as that. Perhaps a good friend of yours can take over where she left off and be there for you if she won’t.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2011 - Rosehall Resort, Montego Bay, Jamaica
I have learned throughout my 7 year relationship that you cant please everyone. At some point you have to tell people to mind their own business. If your happy, thats all that matters. If she doesnt want to come, thats something she will regret, not you.