(Closed) My sister secretly got married one month before my wedding

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: should i be mad?

    yes its my time to shine(First big life event long story)

    chill get over it shes had her big wedding before (3rd marriage)

    undecided

  • Post # 17
    Member
    631 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    cupcakemuffinandpeanut:  You do need advice, and here it is – this has nothing to do with your wedding.

    Post # 18
    Member
    51 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    cupcakemuffinandpeanut:  its really none of your business how they handle their relationship OP. Just get over it and focus on your wedding

    Post # 19
    Member
    292 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    a wedding isn’t about “my time to shine” or “stealing thunder”. A wedding is when two people decide to spend the rest of their lives together.

    your sister had a wedding to which clearly her close family were unable to attend, and on top of that she is keeping it a secret until after your wedding for you. She didn’t get to share the moment and now she is putting her own “moment to shine” on the backburner to assure you have the day you want.

    get over it or accept that you expect others lives to revolve around yours, which is ludicrous

    Post # 20
    Member
    6263 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I know this sounds harsh but you getting married is only a big deal to you, your Fiance, and MAYBE your immediate family. Nobody else cares or sees you as some shining star. Yes, this is a wedding forum and we are all very excited (or were) but outside of this it just isn’t some big thing. I’ve never met someone engaged and felt any excitement. I think you need to get over it and NOT because its Her third marriage but because you are an adult and she didn’t do anything wrong. She isn’t even announcing it now because she’s trying to give you your moment.

    Post # 21
    Member
    948 posts
    Busy bee

    You get one day. Not the week, month or year. You don’t decide when its appropriate for someone else to get married, you would flip out if someone attempted to do that to you. The world doesn’t revolve around you. The world doesn’t stop for you or your wedding. Get over yourself.

    Post # 22
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee

    Honestly, sometimes I feel the bees live in a bizarre world.

    I’d be pissed if my sister got married without telling me. Plus it sounds like she’s picked another winner. I’d encourage her to share the news now, because if she waits and wears her wedding ring to the wedding she will be stealing your thunder on the one day the bees say you get to have!

     

    Post # 23
    Member
    173 posts
    Blushing bee

    Yeah, that and by making a big deal to not say anything, it kind of makes it worse. When my sister got engaged, she stated that it was MY job to “spread the good news” about her engagement to the rest of our family, because she didnt want to “steal [my] engagement sparkle.” When my concerns about her engagement came up, she used this “hiding” of her good news as a way to victimize herself, basically saying that I was the bad guy because she even had to hide her engagement from people. In the end, all of this was pretty carefully calculated. I would say, encourage her to get her news out so it doesn’t come back to bite you in the butt later. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    1290 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Of course, sister can get married whenever she wants.  I would really encourage her to tell people NOW. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    110 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015 - The Biltmore Ballrooms

    As a person who rushed it.. I think it was considerate of her to at the very least TRY and keep it low until after your wedding.

    Post # 27
    Member
    499 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m glad you were able to solve it happily. 🙂 I think, do everything with love. I think that’s always the best answer. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    1290 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    NigerianHair:  

    In My Humble Opinion, trying to keep it secret wont work, ESPECIALLY if he is wearing a ring.  It will come out, and take over OPs wedding.   Not good.  Better to let everyone know now

    Post # 29
    Member
    898 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

    View original reply
    cupcakemuffinandpeanut:  That’s awesome! I’m sure you’re so happy for her. I mean she did it in the least distracting way possible. How can you even possibly be upset? 

    Post # 30
    Member
    10651 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    View original reply
    cupcakemuffinandpeanut:  Not a very nice thought  , but it occurred to me she might announce it ‘after you wedding ” ie at the reception ….so I stick with my first  reaction, have her talk about it right away !

     

    PS I  dont think people are trying to ‘tear you down” , really I dont. It just that  some people are are blunt in their  comments plus there wil always be some who simply disgree with you. Online comments are  always hard to judge exact nuances of  anyway

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