Post # 1
ya so my sister is um… how do i put it… LAZY! she is one of the new age 22 year olds whose parents didnt give them any of the same rules they gave me and spoiled them and let them run the show. So…. she sucks. ANYWAYS…. of course when i you get engaged and then choose your bridesmaids you probably have to choose your sister, right? So i did.. months ago. Let me through in besides her being lazy she is also CHEAP. We really have no relationship she does not talk she sits in her room all day still lives with my parents and only works one day a week and all i ever hear is ” she has issues… she has problems” which is crap because the one day a week she does work its at my job where i wish i never got her the job cuz she is so wierd and lazy it embarrases me but i know she is fine she is just spoiled and lazy. She is very very shy but she can do things. they just never have or will ever make her do things like work more they would rather just pretend there is no problem and brush it under the rug and let her stay in her room all day. So anyways…. i go to her the other day on our way to work, oh i made the appointment to go try on dresses on september 18th! she says ” do i have to be a bridesmaid?” ( in a horrible crappy voice). Im like” well it would be pretty stupid if my own sister wasnt one” and i was pretty hurt inside but kinda relieved cuz i was worried she wouldnt smile and ruin all the pictures. So i was like ill talk to mom. then i was like why dont u want to be one? SHE SAID> i dont want to BUY a dress i dont even like and stand in front of people. WONDERFUL sister huh? So my mom flips and makes a big thing like always says we are ruining her sunday and she dostn want to deal with this SH** right now and says she is not explaining to people why my sister is not in it and that she will talk to her and make her. So great i have a bridesmaid that is MADE to be in my wedding and its my own sister. AWESOME. i feel like crap. and she sucks. sorry bout the vent. had to.
Post # 3
I would talk to your mom again. She sounds like a PITA (the sister) and I think you’ll be much happier if she is just a guest.
Post # 4
the thing is is my mom is real selfish and cares to much about what peeople think. She already freaked out at me cuz i said she will ruin the pictures and i would rather her not. She was like all you care about it the pictures and i was like no and it hurts my feeling so why would i want her in there? And my mom was like its ruing my day and i dont want to talk about it. She will handle it. My mom is impossible to talk to we have not a close relatiionship really. So there is no talking to her. I guess i just have to deal with it.
Post # 5
This is YOUR wedding, not your mother’s. If your sis doesn’t wanna be a part of it, fine. It’s your mom’s choice to get upset over it. Sorry this is so difficult for you!! Good luck!!
Post # 6
You don’t want your sister to be a bridesmaid and your sister doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid. I don’t think I understand the problem.
Post # 7
Hey, a fellow panda 🙂
I totally understand. My sister (I’m the 22 year old, she’s older) threw a huge fit because she didn’t like my colors and started crying because apparently she’s spent a bunch of money to be in other weddings and I guess they were all more important than mine?
I tried to give her an out, but mom’s paying for her dress and her gas/plane ticket, however she gets here for the wedding.
So….yeah. I have zero advice, but tons of sympathy!
Post # 8
Who’s paying for the wedding? If you’re paying for it you can (figuratively) tell your mom to shove it. Sis doesn’t want to be in the wedding party and you don’t want her to be in it, so what’s the problem? If mom is footing the bill though, it may get a little more complicated.
Post # 10
while i do think that if the parents are footing the bill they get more input, i don’t think they get to dictate the wedding party. like twista said, she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid and you don’t want her to be one. that’s that.
Post # 11
I don’t know, I think if someone is shelling out tens of thousands of dollars to pay for a wedding, they can justifiably have some say in some of the details of the wedding. Not a whole lot, mind you, but wanting a sibling to be in the wedding party under those circumstances isn’t really that outrageous of a request. Maybe she’s always dreamt of having her two girls in a wedding. Again, I’m not saying it’s right of the mother, she’s still being totally obnoxious in my opinion, I’m just saying that who’s funding the wedding is a factor to be considered, since the OP might be risking having mom pull the purse-strings if it really means that much to her as a parent to have sister be a bridesmaid. Would it be totally messed up of mom to do that? Yeah. But OP still needs to consider that possibility in making her decision. If she wants to have 100% control over everything, there’s always the option of paying for the wedding herself.
Post # 12
I don’t think there’s a rule that sisters have to be bridesmaids. Give her another role!
Post # 13
I think when you talk to your mom, you should stop focusing on your sister ruining the pictures. You have a much better argument against your sister being a bridesmaid and that’s that she doesn’t want to be one. Tell your mom something like, “Sis says she’s going to feel very uncomfortable being a bridesmaid and standing up in front of everyone. I think she would enjoy herself more if she was just a guest.” That way it kind of sounds like you’re looking out for her.
Post # 14
I agree with MissBuffalo and Bmore, great idea suggesting another role and spin it to your mom that sis doesn’t feel comfortable so you are trying to be accomodating. Mom doesn’t get to say who is a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Although my Future Mother-In-Law did try to make DH have his cousin who he isn’t close to as a Groomsmen adn I had to put my foot down b/c our sides were already uneven and DH doesn’t even like that cousin!
Post # 15
I agree with the other posters. Maybe between you and your sister, you both can think of something else that your sister can do that would silence your mom. If your sister doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid and you don’t want her to be a bridesmaid, then she shouldn’t be a bridesmaid. I think you both should stick to your guns and your mom should get over it.
Post # 16
my mom is making her because my mom is embarrassed that she is so lazy and wierd and dosnt want to explain that to people when they wonder why my sister dropped out. she likes to pretend she is ok.