(Closed) my sister sucks… vent

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 18
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

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@hzleys100: Stop telling your mother details of the wedding.  Stop discussing your wedding party with her, and turn to other people for support and ideas.  Stop allowing her the opportunity to throw tantrums and turn everything into “poor me.”  If you do not have a good relationship with your mother to begin with, it will NOT improve over the course of planning a wedding.  You know her tendencies and her personality, do what you can to AVOID it.  Honestly (and especially if money is not involved) it is none of your mother’s business.  Tell her if people wonder and question details of the wedding, she can respond with “that was a decision my daughter and her fiance made together.”  This day isn’t about her, it is about you and your future husband, and I think you should make that clear to her.

Post # 19
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

YOU are paying for the wedding? Then your Mom definitely does not have a say in this. I agree it would be best to present this as being a Bridesmaid or Best Man would make your sister feel horribly uncomfortable and you are not doing that to her. Your sister doesn’t want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and you don’t want her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Remember this is YOUR wedding, not your mother’s. Let her have tantrums, just walk away. Someone has to be the adult here…

Post # 20
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Yup, if you’re paying for it, your mom gets ZERO consideration, other than what YOU want to give her. 

Tell the sister, she doesn’t have to be one, just show up as a guest.  Tell mom to get over it, that it’s YOU day not HERS and walk out.  If you aren’t there, she can’t yell.  (YES, I have family members like that and I HAVE DONE THAT.  Worked great too, especially if you have a Fiance who’ll stand there and hold you while the war goes on around you.)

Keep you Fiance informed, let him know you need his support, and then drop the mom and sister.  Not from everything, but let sis be out of the wedding and let mom deal.

Not every wedding has family members as bridesmaids/groomsmen/etc.  (I’m not having any of my FSILs or SIL in mine, nor is my brother going to be in it.  My Fiance isn’t having his brother in it, either)

let your  mom know you’ll take the heat for it and leave it as that.

so, soooo sorry you’ve gotta deal with this!!!  and if you don’t want to tell your mom to deal alone, get your Fiance to have your back.

good luck!!!!

Post # 21
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

So I was wondering, what other roles can a sister play in the wedding. I know that guys can be ushers?

I’m asking because I don’t think I’d have/want sisters to be my bridesmaids.

Post # 22
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i was going to be a female usher in my friend’s wedding (until it was called off)- i don’t think it has to be gender specific anymore.  and there’s always readings or handing out programs and all that jazz.

Post # 24
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@hzleys100:  ohhhh… yeah, I can sooo sympathize with that!  My mom is the same way.  If I want her to babysit, I have to be super nice and subservient (and mind you, I’m ANYTHING but subservient). 

I know this is really sneaky, but… could you talk to your dad?  If he’s in the picture? (I only mention that, since you haven’t mentioned him anywhere…).  Maybe if you talk to him HE can talk your mom down?  Or have your Fiance do it???  (Provided he doesn’t mind taking the heat for it?) 

I typically have to get my Fiance to deal with my mom, otherwise I’d blow up and she’d disown me… and REFUSE to babysit AT ALL. 

I am soooo sorry you’ve gotta deal with this. 🙁  And I also understand the need to vent!  so, vent all you want!!! 

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