Post # 1
Member
5 posts
Newbee
The title is a little misleading, it makes it seem like I am on the side of my sister. I am not. I respect my fiance’s right to chose who is in her bridal party and who isn’t. Also, we offered my sister a reading and she describes this as a “consolation” prize and wants to be in the wedding party.
This issue I have overall with this is that my B2B (bride to be) is also telling me my sister “isn’t allowed” to stand on my side. I have told my fiance that with modern weddings, this is common and accepted. And both our parents and her parents are modern [enough] to allow this. I also told her that my sister wouldn’t have to get ready with her bridesmaids and she doesn’t have to attend any bridesmaid or groomsmen functions. When I tried to justify this with her, saying that she is my sister and my friend and thus can reasonably stand on my side, she told me that is gross and that siblings can’t be friends. She doesn’t have any siblings, and so I think that dynamic is lost on her. In fact, originally, my fiance didn’t want my sister in the wedding in ANY capacity. Personally, I think this stems from her not having any siblings, but no one without siblings ever likes to hear that. Furthermore, although my sister wasn’t super supportive in the beginning, she is very supportive now, has been on double dates with us, and is nice. Although my fiance and sister aren’t best friends – and they don’t ever have to be – they have both be more than agreeable with each other!
I believe my sister is being selfish in that we gave her a part in the wedding and it still wasn’t enough. It seems as though she feels entitled to more. However, I also think it is ridiculous that my fiance is trying to control my groom-party, so to speak, that fiercly. If she were to allow my sister to stand on my side, it would make her look fantastic, would ease the tensions that are currently being felt, and would bring our families closer together – which is one of the main points of a wedding!
Basically, I don’t know who is right? Although I am with my fiance in that my sister is being very selfish, I believe my fiance is very wrong in how sibling relationships work and is also being selfish in not considering what I want in this at all. I want everyone to be happy and to bring our families together. She only seems to care about what she wants. I know this is OUR big day and that what we say goes. BUT, I also want to bring our families – both our families – together. So, what should I do?
Post # 2
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
I think your sister should be allowed to stand on your side if you want her there. Does or fiance have a problem with your sister? because that’s what it sounds like to me. Maybe its because she doesn’t have any siblings but most would use this as a chance to get to know your sister and whatnot since once you guys are married, they will technically be sisters. I don’t think your sister is wrong for wanting to be in your wedding (are you her only brother?)
Post # 3
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
I don’t think I’d really want my boyfriend’s sister on his side during our wedding, but then again I 100% plan to include her as a bridesmaid in our wedding. I think that she needs to compromise a little if you truly want your sister to be in the wedding party. I think your fiance is a little out of line saying that sibilings shouldn’t be friends – that’s insane. My sister is one of my best friends, and my boyfriend and his sisters are very close as well – which is why I don’t even have to think twice about the fact that I will be asking both of them to be in our wedding – on my side.
Post # 4
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee
There has to more of a reason as to why your Fiance doesn’t want your sister apart of the wedding party. It could be something that your Fiance sees that you don’t. I am best of friends with my future sister in law but it took us years and a lot of hard work to get us there. We were hateful at one point, and my Fiance didn’t and couldn’t see why because he doesn’t understand since it was his sister. He just wanted us to get along because he loves us both. And I think there’s more to it that your Fiance isn’t telling you. Your sister could be a drama queen (I mean, she’s apparently pretty upset she isn’t in the wedding party and wont even consider a role being given to her), she could just rub the bride wrong. Also, it’s ridiculous to think that she would be apart of wedding party and not be invited to any of the festivities that go along with it. I think that would cause more tension and drama. I get that it’s about bringing your 2 family together, but you should make things as least stressful on your Fiance, the bride, as possible.
Post # 5
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
You get to pick your wedding party. Unless someone you are picking has like physically assaulted your Fiance, I’m not sure why she has any say in this at all.
What is her deal with your sister? That seems really weird and over the top.
Post # 6
Member
10415 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
You should be allowed to have anyone you want stand on your side and she should be allowed to have anyone she wants stand on her side. I do not believe in saying “You can’t do this cause I don’t like it!”
I don’t have any siblings and my Fiance has three (two sisters and a brother) all of them are included in our wedding in some capacity. If he wanted his little sisters to stand on his side, what business of it is mine? It sounds more like she just has a problem with your sister than it does her being an only child. I would get to the root of her distaste.
Post # 7
Member
5 posts
Newbee
Furthermore, I also want to make my future bride look like the caring, thoughtful person I know her to be in the eyes of all of my guests. And because many of our guests have been to or been a part of weddings where the siblings are included in the wedding party, they may wonder why in this case, my sister – who I am close to – was not.
Post # 8
Member
7782 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
If your Fiance doesn’t want her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man I suppose that’s her choice, though I’d put up with an annoying Future Sister-In-Law to make my Fiance happy. Not allowing you to have your sister at your side? That’s just wrong. Does your Fiance understand this is your wedding too? Frankly, if you as a couple can’t find some way to compromise about relatively minor issues such as this I don’t know how you will be able to handle the greater issues that come with marriage.
Post # 9
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
No offense, but she doesn’t sound all that caring and thoughtful.
Post # 10
Member
5 posts
Newbee
monsterly: That’s a fair point. My bride has told me she doesn’t like my sister because she feels she is manipulative and selfish. I totally agree with the selfish part, and can see she has manipulative tendancies. However, my fiance has called her awful names behind her back and I don’t ever remember my sister doing anything to deserve that much hatred – yes it’s hatred. She wasn’t nice to my fiance when we first started dating over five years ago, but now she is nice, buys my fiance presents, tries to joke with her, and for all intents and purposes, at least tries to get along with my fiance.
(And to my fiance’s credit, she does the same.)
I just can’t see what transpired to make my fiance dislike my sister so severly.
Post # 11
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee
Your fiance is being very immature. Are you sure you want to marry someone who is so unwilling to compromise, and is so disrespectful of your family relationships? Regardless of who ends up being in the wedding party, she is going to have to deal with your sister for a long, long time, and her behavior doesn’t seem to be acknowledging that. You have the right to choose whoever you want for your side of the aisle.
That said, your sister is also being ungrateful in saying that a reading is a “consolation prize” and demanding to be a bridesmaid. It’s actually quite an honor to be asked to be a part of the ceremony. In this case I would not negotiate with bullies and would tell her she can read or not be involved.
Post # 12
Member
2590 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
jtgarvey: I am having my sister and FIs sisters as my BMs. But if I was not going to have his sisters as BMs I wouldn’t mind him having them on his side. If you really want your sister in the bridal party your Fiance should be more considerate of that.
Post # 13
Member
5361 posts
Bee Keeper
I’m an only child and my DH has 4 sisters and 2 stepbrothers. We had a small wedding of 10 guest, so it was pointless for us to have a bridal party, but if we would’ve had a bigger wedding, you can bet that all of his sisters would have been right there next to us (well, they were anyways). I think it is selfish of your Fiance to absoultely refuse your sister a spot in the bridal party, especially on your side. You should be the one deciding your side. I actually don’t think your sister is being selfish, I can understand her hurt. I’ve also never been in/to a wedding where the siblings weren’t in the party and would probably question it, espeically if I knew you were close to your sister. And honestly, I would probably assume it had something to do with your Fiance and I definitely wouldn’t think “oh, she’s so caring and thoughtful.” Probably the complete opposite of that.
Post # 14
Member
5 posts
Newbee
mrsadams92317: Also, yes, I am her only brother and she is my only sibling.
Post # 15
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
She doesn’t get in a say in your wedding party side. Do you get to dictate her bridesmaids?