(Closed) My sister wants to be in the Wedding Party. My fiance adamantly says "No way!".

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I have my sister inlaw as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. It was easier to include he then to fight any battles. We have not been close and there have been fights. I suck it up and be the better person. If it is civil then I see no reason your Fiance can’t include her. Is it jealousy? I think you Fiance needs an attitude ajustment before the wedding. She is being a bridzilla. Not inviting her to any of the bridal stuff is cruel. I don’t get it. 

Post # 18
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah, count me as another one who doesn’t get it. If my husband told me my brother wasn’t “allowed” to be in our wedding at all, I would be seriously rethinking the relationship.

If you two have kids, is she going to “allow” your sister to be around them? Or is she going to “allow” your sister to be invited to holidays? This seems nuts.

Post # 19
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

Your fiancé sounds like a bitch. It’s fine that she doesn’t like your sister, she doesn’t have to but but trying to ban her from your side puts her in the controlling bitch territory.

if someone told me how to conduct my relationship with my brother, there would be no wedding. It’s a 50/50 in a relationship, having a vajayjay doesn’t give her the ultimate say in the wedding 

Post # 20
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

Oh and your sister isn’t being selfish by wanting to share in your wedding. She is right that a reading is a consolation prize you want to give her to placate your fiancé.

just be honest with your sister that you guys are not as close as she thinks. It will hurt her feelings but it will be honest, since you seem to be looking for ways to blame her than fix your issue with your fiancé. It’s ok if you don’t really care about having her in your wedding; and even her feelings but be honest with herself and yourself. 

Post # 21
Member
6881 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I don’t understand…you say you are very close to your sister and yet your Fiance calls her awful and mean names behind her back all the time. What? I’m not saying they have to be best friends, but I couldn’t imagine marrying someone that so vehemently disliked my sibling. And to refuse to let her stand ON YOUR SIDE?! No no no. 

Post # 22
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

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luv2luv:  Couldn’t agree with you more about the fiance and everything you said!

Post # 23
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I guess I disagree with most here because the only thing I can’t understand is why you are agreeing to marry such an immature, rude, inconsiderate person. I don’t know what your sister may have done to her but short of criminal behavior this hostility from your Fiance is just ridiculous. If your fiance is so caring then why doesn’t she care enough about YOU to include your sister in the wedding, even though she may not be a fan of her. This isn’t about your sister, it’s about your FI’s respect (lack thereof) for you.

Post # 24
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like once you are married, you will have issues having a relationship with your family going forward.  

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llevinso:  & 
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luv2luv:  summed everything up nicely. Good luck with everything.

Post # 25
Member
5874 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

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jtgarvey:  Sounds like both your sister and your Fiance are acting very childishly.

You are right about your FI – your Fiance should not dictate who stands up on your side unless she has a really ligitimate claim against them (such as if they actively do not support your marriage).  If your Fiance is just concerned about esthetics she is being very shallow.

You are also right about your Sister – the graceful thing to do when you are offered a part in someone’s wedding is to accept (or reject) not to say “well I’d rather have this role.”  Very rude of her. 

So what do YOU want?  Do you want your sister in your party?  If so, stand up to your Fiance and tell her that you get to choose your own attendants, end of story.  If she’s worried about how it will look show her some pictures to prove that this is a thing people do now.  If you don’t really want your sister in your party then don’t give in – tell her that you’d like her to do a reading and you hope she accepts.

 

Post # 26
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I would say that, as the groom, you dictate who stands on your side. 

Your sister IS being a bit bratty about the reading… and also I’m sensing there is more to the relationship between your Fiance and your sister that either you aren’t letting on or you don’t know.

Your Fiance is also being unreasonable. She needs to come to grips with this is your wedding too, and of COURSE brothers and sisters can be friends. My brother is one of my best friends in the whole world because he’s one of only two people (the other being my sister) who understand me completely. When you’re raised together and fortunate enough to be friends as well as siblings, that’s a strong bond. 

Maybe your Fiance is feeling a little jealous of your relationship with your sister?

Post # 27
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

Both are being a bit immature however I think your Fiance is being worse. 

Even when families aren’t super close ive always seen siblings involved etc. Personally, I’d have my DH’s sister as a Bridesmaid or Best Man if it made him happy but if she doesn’t want to then that’s fine. What’s not fine is her saying that you can’t have your sister on your side. 

Are yoh ready for your Fiance to continue to dictate your family relationships? Because that’s where this is heading.

Make a decision based on what YOU want and the communicate that to your sister/FI. If you decide not to have her on your side that needs to be YOUR decision, don’t cop out and blame your Fiance. 

Post # 28
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

You’re fiance has no right to say who stands on your side. You say she’s normally caring but also she says nasty things behind your sisters back? She doesn’t sound as sweet as you make out. She sounds like a bitch who’s jealous of her Future Sister-In-Law. 

Post # 29
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

 

Both your fiance and your sister are being stubborn brats. It sounds like a power struggle and you need to find a way to end it.

Your fiance is being ridiculous to completely exclude your sister from the wedding. Yes, they may have had differences in the past but your fiance should recongize that having your sister included is important to you and should consider YOUR feelings in this.

Your sister needs to stop being a brat about anything related to the wedding. Its not about her. She’s picking up on your fiances hatred (your word) of her and it sounds like, is now putting up a fight about being a reader because she knows its a compromise. Instead of graciously accepting that role, her actions are making everything worse.

Heres the thing though….your sister is part of your family. You get along, there’s no reason to cut off that relationship. Normally I would say you need to put your brides feelings first because she’s your new partner and you guys come first but COMPROMISE is a huge part of marriage. Including important family members is part of being married. Your feelings are important.

I would sit down with your fiance, tell her that you know she’s a nice person, that this whole wedding planning has taken a turn down crazy lane and you guys need to remember what’s most important in life. Ask her if there’s more to the story about why they don’t get along (because she sounds jealous) and what would make her happy because continuing with the hate is not a way to start a marriage.

By the way, I don’t think I could have married my husband if he hated my brother for no apparent reason.

Post # 30
Member
11424 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Why aren’t you saying what you want? It’s all fine and good to blame your Fiance for not wanting this, but she isn’t in charge of you. Or your side of the wedding. I wouldn’t start giving her the impression that she is, either.

stand up to her and tell her what YOU want. Not what your sister wants or what your Fiance wants. Don’t play these two off of each other like this while you stand in the middle trying to sound like the reasonable one. Stand up for what you want. If your Fiance doesn’t have a good reason for her no, then politely explain that you get to choose your side. End of discussion. 

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