(Closed) my sister was raped as a child

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Kimber_bee:  I would encourage your sister to talk to your mom. Do not go behind her back and do it. She trusted you.

And I’m very sorry to hear that happened to her 🙁

Post # 4
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Don’t go to your mom yet, but you can persuahere our sister to tell your mom. And if she hasn’t gotten professional help to deal with these issues, definitely urge Her to do that. 

If you fear your sister is a danger to herself, then getting her help is NOT betraying her trust. 

Post # 5
7685 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would encourage your sister to tell, but I wouldn’t betray her confidence.

Let me add that legally this probably can be pursued. Certainly in Australia or the UK it could be. In the UK at the moment, a prominent person (Rolf Harris) is being charged for events which allegedly happened in the 1980s.

Post # 6
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

That’s really unfortunate and I’m sorry to hear it. I can’t imagine what that has meant for her in life, particularly emotionally.

I think you should tell your sister about your conversation’s with your mom. tell her about the sex offender, tell her your mom is suspicious that something happened. But please, DO NOT, go behind your sister’s back and share her secret. 

Post # 7
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@Kimber_bee:  I would encourage sis to talk to your mom. I think she needs to in order to properly heal.

One question…How does yuor sister not know who he rapist was?!

Post # 8
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Kimber_bee:  Do not betray her trust.  As someone who had a similar life (sexual assault at a young age, subsequent mental illness, etc), I’d be horrified if anyone had told my parents.  I definitely would have cut off contact with them.  I think it’s a terrible thing to betray someone’s trust, especially something that happened years ago.  It’s not as though she’s being abused NOW and by telling someone you can change things. All you’d do is satisfy someone else’s curiosity.  It doesn’t help her at all.

Post # 9
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s not your secret to share, but I would encourage your sister to tell your Mother, just because she might have more information that could help your sister heal.

Post # 10
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wouldn’t tell her unless your sister gives you the go ahead. This is her issue and if she wants it to remain private then it should.

I’m not sure what the statute of limitations is (if there is one) on something like that. With what recently went down with Penn State I feel like maybe there isn’t one if it happened when the victim was a child.

Do you think your sister might really know who it is and is afraid to say anything? If this happened as a child who knows what he could have said to her, “don’t tell anyone or I’ll hurt your family” etc etc. Yes she is an adult now, but if she was so traumatized by what happened she could still be hindered by any threats the man may have made.

Post # 11
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I sent you a private message.  Take care.

Post # 12
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Kimber_bee:  I wouldn’t say anything to your mum. I know you feel like you should do something to help her, but the best thing is to keep that trust between you. She came to you in confidence and she doesn’t need the one person she trusts the most to turn their back on her. Maybe let your sister know that your mum has been asking you and suspects that you’re keeping something from her (your mum), and see what she wants to do, if anything.

Post # 13
2748 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Please don’t tell your mom behind your sister’s back. I just recently went through a very similar experience where my aunt betrayed my confidence, and that’s not something anyone should experience let alone a survivor coming to grips with things. I think you should tell your sister that your mother is concerned and encourage her (sister) to open up to your mom ONLY IF she is comfortable doing so. Otherwise, stand by her decision and keep it to yourself. If you sister is not ready to talk about it, I would counsel your mother to let your sister deal with it in her own way.  

Post # 15
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Kimber_bee:  One thing I learned in domestic violence training that I think might work here is that you telling her secret or forcing her to do someting revictimizies here. Rape, like domestic violence, takes away the person’s power over their body and situation. Whatever decision she makes helps her learn to regain control in life.

Tell her your mother is concern, suspects something is wrong, and that you will honor her wishes to keep her secret.

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