(Closed) My sister’s boyfriend is turning into her–mutual interests after dating

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes, it’s creepy, he probably thinks she won’t stay with him unless he likes what she likes…. something’s wrong here.

Post # 4
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m on the fence.  I’ve found that I like a lot of the same things my Fiance does and I’ve become a HUGE F1 fan since we started dating.  But I was always a motorsports fan.  It’s nice that they found things they both like.  If it’s one-sided, though, it could lead to resentment in the future when “we never do anything I like to do.”  I guess if they’re happy they’ll work it out.  If she’s smart she’ll encourage him to pursue interests that are different than hers also, but enjoying the same things, whether you discover them on your own or are led there by someone you love only makes it easier to spend time together. 

Post # 5
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree, this all sounds a little creepy.  Only 3 months and he’s trying to be her twin or something?  It does seem strange.  Did this guy not have his own life or interests before hooking into your sister?  Yikes, I really don’t blame you for being concerned.  From your sister’s point of view, I guess she’s smitten so she can’t really see things objectively the way you can.  But you’re right, something about his behavior is a little off.  Is there any way you could do a little digging about this guy?  Maybe find some of his friends or an ex and get the scoop on him?  Without your sister finding out, of course. 

I hope he doesn’t end up to be trouble for her, you’re awesome to be looking out for your sis like this.  I can see how she might think it’s “sweet,” but from the outside something just doesn’t seem right about it.

To answer your question – my Fiance and I do happen to share some of the same interests, but we had those interests long before we ever met.  If in the beginning of our relationship my Fiance had started suddenly just copying everything I do for no other reason than I do it (and he never had done it before) it would have totally creeped me out.  

Post # 7
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think to a certain degree that happens in all relationships- for example I never played video games beyond Super Nintendo (still the best) until I was with Fiance.  However I think he may be going a little too far and it is a little creepy.

Post # 8
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

It does sound a little creepy, since it’s happened so fast and he’s become a huge fan.

However, my Fiance has introduced me to so many things that I never even tried before, and it turns out that I love them! Hiking, skiing, even cooking. Of course, those are interests that Ive developed over the years after being with him for a while. I think it’s natural to become interested in things you partner enjoys because it can be a great way to spend time together.

Post # 9
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Dizbee:  

I love the “yellow” flag, lol . . . but yeah, there is definitely something fishy about this guy.  He almost sounds like how con artists are described.  And you’re her sister, so if your gut says something isn’t right about him, well, then something isn’t right about him.  It’s so weird, I wonder what his agenda is?  Maybe you can just point out (gently of course) to her that you really like him and all that (blah, blah) but you’ve noticed just a few things that seem “interesting” about him, like all of those examples you just mentioned.  What scares me is this:  (and I hope and pray this is not true of him) But:  Sociopaths behave this way.  Mimicry is a huge thing for them.  A true sociopath has zero idea how to be a normal person, and they are masters of copying other people’s behavior.  It’s how they draw in their victims.  Their brains are actually hardwired differently from a normal human being’s, it’s really scary.

My heart is pounding right now (bad memory alert).  Maybe you could do a little research.  I’ve actually, and unfortunately, been involved in the past with someone who was a sociopath, and I had no clue for about the first 3-6 months, which is typical.  After about 6 months, a sociopath’s true colors will begin to show because they have a hard time keeping up the pretense.  I wish you could find his so-called “evil ex” because it may turn out that he’s really the evil one.  I HOPE not, for your sister’s sake. 

Post # 10
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My best friend is kinda doing the same thing…. but turning into her bf.  Its both of their first relationships ever and so i think it will wear off eventually. She goes to concerts now and hands out in the city all the time, which is so unlike her.    But I’ve been kinda trying to make sure that we do a lot of the stuff we used to do without the boys so that she doesn’t lose her individuality.    I just dont want to see her end up regretting her decisions later.

What really worries me is that she is doing a 30 by 30 list and hes making sure everything gets done.   I just hope she doesn’t look back and think “What of these did i do myself”?

I think the best thing to do is to get out of “their” life and do things together so she keeps some of her own identity without him.

Post # 14
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think it’s the level of intensity that’s creepy.  If he just LIKED the stuff:  i.e. never liked swimming but your sis showed him all the ways its great exercise and so he started trying it and learned he enjoyed it.  Or your sis was like “Read the Hunger Games!”  and he was like okaaaay fine and then was like OMG you’re right these are amazing!  It’d be okay.  This happened with my husband.  He never liked country music…”hated” it….so I started introducing him to different songs/bands I thought he would like and now sometimes I get in his car and find the country station on even if he wasn’t driving with me.

I feel like I’m rambling haha…okay…

I think when you’re in a relationship your SO exposes you to new things that you may end up loving, just like them.  So really, the only thing creepy to me is his level of obsession you say he’s developing for said shared interests.

 

Post # 15
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it’s pretty common to adopt each other’s interests as time goes on. I was never in to certain bands before my Fiance and now I am obsessed with a couple. Same with sci-fi tv. And I learned guitar so we could play together.

Post # 16
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with some of the other posters, it’s normal for this to happen to some extent, but this guy seems to be taking it to a creepy extreme. like, my dh is a huge sports fan, so when we started dating, I would watch games with him and get into it–now, 6 years later, I’ll still go to baseball games with him, but soccer and hockey are way too boring for me. Or, he’s really into going to concerts, so at first I would go to whatever show he wanted, and now I’m much more choosy. But, he introduced me to Wilco, and now they’re my fave band and we’ve gone to like 7 of their concerts together. And vice versa–he watches some TV shows with me that he would never watch on his own (haha, like he got into Gossip Girl with me for awhile there 😉 ). But yea–it’s small changes, not total personality shifts!

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