Post # 1
My sister and her fiancé decided to get married in Croatia. It is a beautiful part of Europe and I am sure there wedding will be beautiful. In their words ‘the good thing about a destination wedding is the people who really want to be there will make the effort’.
So, my family decided to use this opportunity to turn this into a big family holiday. So my aunt found a big house with a pool which can sleep….my parents, sister and fiancé, other sister and girlfriend, me, my nan, my great aunt, my aunt, 2 cousins and both my sister’s fiancé’s parents.
The other day I received an excited email from my aunt saying ‘found this place, thinking of booking it. Here are my bank details if you could all transfer the money and we will stay there for 2 weeks’. Next I get an email saying ‘found these great flights for all of us. I will buy them for everyone so you each owe me this much’.
I love my sister and I am sure her wedding will be beautiful, just I am so poor right now and the money side is stressing me out. I am a bridesmaid and it’s my sister so I really don’t want to rock the boat by saying anything. Plus, I know if I were to say something that my parents would secretly message me saying ‘we will pay your share’…and I am 30 years old and don’t need my parents paying for me to go on holiday.
I don’t know why I came here except rant. I am done now. Thanks for your time. Over and out 😉
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey
I’d honestly tell my sister the financial promlems. No one desperately needs to get married abroad, if they do and you’re going to get into financial troubles because of this, I certainly believe the couple needs to support you.
It sounds very lovely but don’t feel too much pressure on you. Enjoy.
Post # 3
If you really want to go, and you feel your parents can afford it to pay for you, then ask them for a loan. Set up a clear plan with them on how you will pay them back and stick to it. Also make sure they understand that it is important to you that you pay them back. With the cost spread out over the next 12 to 18 months it might not be so stressful and hopefully you will be in a better financial situation soon and pay them back in one go.
Post # 4
Can you afford to go at all?
While your sister is the one who decided on the destination wedding it seems like most of your problems are coming from your aunt not your sister. Why does it have to be two weeks or nothing? Can you and your SO not book a cheap air bnb and stay for around 3 nights? I know it isn’t necessarily “cheap” but croatia is pretty affordable so you should be able to find low priced airbnbs for a few nights rather than stay 2 weeks.
Are there cheaper flights on other days rather than the days your extended family are flying on?
Post # 5
To be honest I’d take my parents help, if they are financially well enough not to be impacted by it.
It rubs me the wrong way the whole “the people who really want to be there will make the effort” thing. People had financial constraints. If I have a destination wedding, I wouldn’t EXPECT anyone to make it. I might estimate / guess who will likely go, but would never use that as a gauge of how much of an effort someone will make for me.
Post # 6
I got married in Croatia last year (from UK) and the reason I chose Croatia was because 1. We asked our VIPs and everyone was on board and 2. People who were on board could do it their own way eg it wasn’t a specified resort for a specified amount of time and my guests all did their own thing when it came to booking. Air BNB can be really affordable as opposed to booking a giant villa! That said ‘affordable’ is subjective! It seems it’s your aunt who is being demanding here rather than your sister! Perhaps speak to your sister or parents and establish if this is what everyone wants to do even! A lot of my guests were there for different lengths of time, some travelled elsewhere and turned it into a long holiday, some came for the weekend. Some stayed in posh hotels and some stayed in BNBs but the point is, everyone did what suited them and what was within their budget! Your aunt is assuming that everyone is on board but they may not be! Yours may not even need to be the loudest voice so she needs to stand down! Your sisters wedding may be wonderful, mine was wonderful but it wouldn’t have been if my sisters were unable to attend! If you can afford to go at all, do it your way! One way to approach it may be to say that you don’t know what you are doing yet! You may move on to see x place. Hope you get it sorted!
Edit-if can can afford something, DM me and I can help! I looked at lots of options for/with my guests so I could possibly help with low cost options eg flying back to the UK on Monday is half the price of Sunday flights and some areas have accommodation just outside of the centre with good transport links for a fraction of the price. My guests all booked flights the day they were released for £30! They then got most of their accommodation via booking.com or Air BNB and chose to pay on arrival. Also the majority stayed for 3-5 days. Some statyed longer but travelled on to see other areas. 2 weeks is an awful long time to be stuck in the same villa together 😉
Post # 7
worriedbeehere11 : This may be a vacation, but it’s not your vacation. It’s a trip that’s been imposed on you with no consultation as to place, time, date, expense, travel companions, and apparently house mates.
You should have spoken up in the planning stages but I would not hesitate now to tell your parents, your sister, and your aunt that you can’t afford the trip. Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with accepting it as a gift from your parents or sister if they want you there badly enough.
It’s not necessarily that the people who want to be there will make an effort. It’s that the people who make the effort, feel an obligation to be there. Where many people likely want to be is closer to home, within a more reasonable budget.
Post # 8
I feel you. My fiance and I are meant to be going to our friends’ joint hen and stag do soon and we have just been given the costs of all the extras and activities, plus the chosen location which is 120 miles away. It is going to cost us minimum £600 for 2 nights. We love these friends dearly and my fiance is an usher in the wedding, but we have essentially been priced out. It’s a horrible situation to be in as you really don’t want to be ‘that person’ who throws a spanner in the works. But it is NOT worth going into debt or facing money worries for even your own wedding, let alonesomeone else’s! If your parents can afford to help you I would accept that. It isn’t just a holiday (and it’s not YOUR holiday that you’ve chosen), and being there with your family will make everyone happy. You could borrow the money from your parents and work out a plan to pay them back over the next year or so.
Post # 9
If your parents can easily afford it, you should let them pay your way. It’s as much a gift from them to your sister, who has this specific and pricey vision.
Post # 10
Can you afford to go for the few days for the wedding, or is the whole thing really not in budget? If you can afford a couple days, I’d tell your parents you can only swing that. If the whole thing isn’t doable, I really would just suck it up and say something to your parents or your sister. It’s a bit ridiculous for your family to be making whatever plans and just assuming everyone is okay with it. You never know, you speaking up may encourage others who are struggling with the same cost to speak up, and you can work together to find a solution.
I got stuck in this same situation for my BIL’s wedding. It’s ridiculous how people seem to have no problem spending other people’s money.
Post # 11
Destination weddings always seem super selfish to me. We want to have a small wedding… we want a pretty location.
Talk to your parents. Maybe they can reign in your aunt a bit.
Post # 12
If it’s not putting your parents out and they can afford it, I would let them help you out.
Post # 13
Kind of sounds like the problem is your aunt, not your sister. Depending on where you are coming from, Croatia really doesn’t need to be expensive, but your aunt took it upon herself to basically dictate where everyone is staying and for how long. That’s really not cool.
I’d either look into more affordable options for you and your SO and just do your own thing, or I’d suck up your pride and let your parents help pay for it. Maybe you can pay for your flights but they can cover your portion of the shared house?
Post # 14
Yep I would be honest about my financial situation and accept help from the parents if it isn’t too much of an imposition. Maybe you can even try to make arrangements to pay it back, but if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it.
Post # 15
I would also let your parents help you with this one if they can.
We are going to a wedding in Holland this year and my parents are paying for my trip. I could have made it work, but they offered and it won’t impact them negatively.
Talk to them.