(Closed) My sisters expensive stag

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7719 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CanuckFan:  Your sister is being a bridezilla. She seems to think the whole world revolves around her and her wedding. You definitely are not being unreasonable, and I think you should not attend at all – you have other responsibilities now. If she doesn’t like it, well too bad too sad. Whatever happened to the bachelorette being a single night out?

Also, for comparison, what did you do for your stagette, and did she attend?

Actually you don’t need to attend her wedding either. If it was important for her to have family present, she’d have her wedding locally.

Post # 4
6345 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@CanuckFan:  Umm, no way are you being unreasonable! IMO it’s crazy to expect ANYONE to pay that, let alone someone who simply cannot afford it. If people choose to have expensive do’s then fine; but they need to accept that not everyone will be able to make it, and perhaps organise something cheep and cheerful close to home for those who can’t.

I’ve been invited on a hen do abroad in 2015; OH is going to be best man at the couple’s wedding, and it’s expected I’ll attend the hen do. Unfortunately, that isn’t going to happen. We will have practically no disposable income, and what we do have, we will spend on a trip away as a couple. No way am I prepared to blow hundreds of £ attending someone’s hen do, and sacrifice going away with my OH as a result. I feel the same way about destination weddings.

Your sister is being incredibly selfish; and I think you were very generous to ever have considered going; if I were you, I’d have said I wouldn’t be able to attend from the off. Simply tell her you cannot afford it, and won’t be attending; perhaps suggest she has another do closer to home, something cheap like a meal and drinks, for those who can’t come.

Post # 5
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@paula1248:  +1 I think this whole ‘last night of freedom’ thing has got a bit out of hand in recent years. It’s not like you drop dead after you’re married, and realistically, what is she going to do on that trip as an engaged woman that she wouldn’t be able to do as a married woman?


OP, She’s being very unreasonable, and she’ll have to accept that if she wants to have a trip like that then not everyone will be able to attend – which is a shame for you, as you were looking forward to it!




Is your mum aware of the situation? What does she have to say?


Post # 6
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Its time to say, sorry sis, can not make the Vegas trip.  Really.  The ONLY obligations of an attendant are to get the dress and show up sober.  She is Out of Town.

Post # 7
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@CanuckFan:  She is being unreasonable.  You’ve even tried to compromise with her on several things.  If I were you I probably wouldn’t even attend.  There’s no sense in going into debt to fund her expensive taste (especially seeing as you’ll already be paying for a bachelorette in town) when she can’t even be sympathetic of your financial situation.  I think that if you even went for part of the time she would be annoyed with you and why put yourself through that?

And like another PP mentioned…  what’s the deal with the “last night of freedom”?  You can take these trips when you’re married too!

Post # 8
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@CanuckFan:  I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.  Your sister is being the unreasonable one.  A destination bachelorette party, and a destination wedding reception?  And she wants a second local bachelorette party?  Wow.  Apparently money grows on trees in her little world!

If it were me, I would tell her that you’d be willing to organize something local, but you’ll have to bow out of the destination bachelorette party. 

Post # 9
2625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@CanuckFan:  Hellz no you aren’t being unreasonable. If I were you, I would skip the destination stagette and just attend the local one. That’s a bit excessive to have a destination and a local bachelorette party with limo rides and costly shows everday. If she can’t compromise, I would just sat screw it. No way I’d compromise my family’s fianaces for a little bratty bride. One day she’ll understand.


Post # 10
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@barbie86:  @lina010:  +1 to both of these responses.

Some women get WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY too carried away with this whole wedding business. Your sister’s demands are outrageous and your cries are falling on deaf ears. Considering you are expected to plan AND fund the local party I’d say your sister is shit out of luck. Further more, she isnt being very sisterly by trying to force you to spend money you dont have. What’s worse is when your child needs something or your husband needs a book for school who is going to purchase it? Her? PLEASE!

Tell your bratty, nasty attitude having sister to kick rocks AND blow bubbles at the same time. Its time you stood your ground. If not for yourself then for the new family you’ve created. They come first!

Post # 11
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

Your sister is way out of line. Skip the stag party in Vegas and save your money for the local bachelorette party/wedding. If she doesn’t understand, though cookies. 

Post # 12
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I agree with OPs, the trend of destination bachelorette parties and multiple showers is unreasonable, selfish and not to mention a shakedown for money and gifts by brides. I’m having a Destination Wedding in Las Vegas and I’ve decided I’m not going to have a shower/bachelorette. Save your money, she’ll just have to get over herself!


Post # 13
1698 posts
Bumble bee

@CanuckFan:  In my relatively inflexible opinion, a “stag” is the last-chance night-out with the guys (or in this case, gals) on the town before settling down to responsible married life.  The key words being “night” — not weekend, or day-and-half, or whatever; and “town” — not out-of-town travel!!! and “settling down” — meaning that the stag-ee should be having a thought to paying his or her rent and saving for the future, too. An appropriate stag is, say, going to a pub and splurging on a couple of single-malt whiskeys; or an evening at a Greek restaurant culminating in dancing with the belly dancer and smashing some plates into the fireplace; or maybe even dinner theater if you want to go really high-end.

Overnight trips to Las Vegas with the girls are maybe appropriate for the jet-set and for people who need not consider costs. I am amazed by how common they seem to be. But they are no means an appropriate default expectation.

Post # 14
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Oh HELL no. What she is askng of you is completely insane. You have kids, and I am sure they want to do things like eat, receive Christmas presents, get school clothes, and not have to work two jobs through college. Your children trump her unnecessary vacation. And that’s all it is. If her DINK friends can afford it, great–but you are at a different place in life and can’t. You may love her for all the world, but love won’t put extra money in your pocket. If she can’t accept that, tough.

Post # 15
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@CanuckFan: You are not unreasonable at all. I wouldn’t attend. She is ask way to much of a mother with a husband in medical school. If the other BMs can shell out that much dough for a few days in Vegas, more power to them, but some people have other priorities. 

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