My sisters first heartbreak

posted 3 years ago in Family
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  • Post # 2
    Member
    10355 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Ending the relationship would be better than cheating. So she needs to decide if she wants to stay in the relationship she’s in or not. If she’s unhappy, she should leave. If she wants to try to work it out with the boyfriend then she should cut off contact with the other guy. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    1546 posts
    Bumble bee

    My boyfriend and I broke up for the drifting apart reason in our first year at university. We had been together 5 years and I had been questioning the relationship for about a year and half before we broke up (we were acting more like friends and less like a couple, and I had just mentally checked out). It felt hard to break up because neither of us had done anything wrong like cheating, and we were still friends. I think I felt like I needed a good enough reason to end it, but I didn’t. Drifting is good enough a reason at that age and I wish I had ended our relationship sooner. Perhaps your sister is struggling because of the same thing, feeling like she needs a good enough reason to end things? and this new guy is making her question things even more? I actually met my husband at university whilst I was still with my boyfriend although I didn’t date him until 2 years later. Its difficult to advise her on what to do, because at that age you kinda just have to make your own mistakes and learn. I would just be there for her as her sister and remind her that drifting or being unhappy is a good enough reason to leave. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    983 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2020

    There are so many different kinds of love stories. There’s ones that start young and ones that meet later. There’s love at first sight, and love you didn’t see was next to you all along. In regard to your sister wanting what your grandparents have, I would remind her of this. She should recognize the beauty of their strong love and want THAT, NOT want just the story. She should have her own story. But if she continues to date a boy she no longer has strong feelings for, what kind of love story is that?

    Post # 5
    Member
    2004 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    Bee, you gotta let her go through what she’s going through.  That’s the only way we learn and grow.  I’m sure you know that now.  That being said, you are her best example of how to get over heartbreak….in your own words “you forgot about the pain” and “breaking up was the best thing”.  That’s what you tell her.  She’ll have her time to grieve but eventually she’ll end up in the same place you are now. It just doesn’t feel that way right now but given time she’ll see things differently and you are living proof that its true okay?

    By the way, your grandparents lived in a completely different time where mindsets, attitudes, lifestyles….all were completely different and viewed these days as archaic and even a bit unnacceptable.  So she’s judging her grandparents marriage from a millenial perspective and has no idea of what their reality actually was.  She’d probably be shocked if she knew the complete story.

    Post # 7
    Member
    7425 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I was basically your sister when I was 20 years old, in college still dating my high school boyfriend (long distance). I had kinda fallen out of love with him and in general was just over the relationship, but couldn’t quite bring myself to break it off cause first love and all. I didn’t have a crush on anyone else, but I did find myself longing for the IDEA of someone else, which is really just as bad. I remember at one point imagining a loveless marriage to my high school boyfriend and thinking,”well this is the cross I have to bear, because I can’t possibly break his heart by ending things.” This was at age 20!!

    Finally I snapped out of it and realized I had to end it…which was really really hard. It was heartbreaking for me even though I was the one who had fallen out of love…the whole thing was just gutting in a way that only the demise of your first real relationshpi can be. But it was def the right decision for both of us. Your sister will get there too, but she has to do it in her own time. She has to make her own mistakes and learn her own lessons. You can and should support her along the way, but this is her path to take and she’s gonna do what she’s gonna do.

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