(Closed) My sisters husband is a cheater and a user! So flipping mad!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Wow.  I understand not wanting to get your step daughter involved but it would’ve been so hard for me to keep that from my sister.   Can you write her a letter or something?  Are you sure your step daugher is telling the truth?

Post # 5
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@hotstepmom:  I can’t imagine keeping something like that from my sister. I’m not really understanding why you can’t tell her. 

Post # 6
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You have to tell your sister! How would you feel if your DH was the con-artist and your sister knew and didn’t tell you?

Maybe you can tell her, but explain you can’t tell her how you know. Try to keep the step-daughter out of it.

If she doesn’t believe you. Maybe one of the times he “goes to see his  son”, you and your sister can go visit the ex’s hometown and try to catch him.

Good luck and I know it’s going to be messy, but you *have* to find a way to tell your sister. He emotional, physical and financial health depend on it!!

Post # 7
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Wow…tough situation however, as much as it pains to say this….

It’s none of your business

I know as family it’s hard to ignore when an injustice is being carried out. However, this is a betrayal she will have to arrive at by herself and all you can do is be there to comfort her when her world falls apart. 

If you absolutely MUST tell her, be prepared. You will become public enemy #1, even if she currently has inklings of suspicion. She will likely view her role as protector of DH and their relationship, and like any mama bear when those she loves are threatened, she’ll lash out. Likely, she’ll confront her DH, who will deny the allegations and until the allegations are proven true (sometimes years later) you will be on a very black list with both individuals (the DH especially will avoid contact as he knows you’re on to him).

The only way you may get through to her is if you present a case so iron-clad that she can’t deny what she is seeing. (ie. photos that are undeniably him ‘caught in the act’). Even so, presented with this evidence your sister may become quite angry because she could feel the reveal was actively sought out as a way of taunting, rather then being seen as helpful. 

Another warning: With the tip-off/reveal, your sisters DH should he choose to deny the affair, will get even more creative with his sneaking about. So in a way, you’ll have bought him more time before he’s found out. It took my father 12+ years after my aunt accused him of cheating to be caught. I saw her twice during that time, and she’s become my mom’s closest sibling since. My father on the other hand had built a seperate life with this woman, even sired a son with her. A sad truth, but it is what it is…

I’m sorry. You’re in a tough situation. My only hope is his infidelity is found out sooner rather then later.

Post # 9
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You need to let her know that if for any reason she ever in the future wants to leave him, you will not hold it against her, you will totally support her and never, ever say ‘I told you so’

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