(Closed) My SO hasn't even gotten the job yet and I'm already a wreck.

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My DH works crazy hours (he is an investment banker) and also trains at the gym 2 hours every night plus both days on the weekened.

At first I hated it, I wanted him to spend all his time with me.. and then I realised that I didn’t have anything going on without him.

If he does get this job, view it as an opportunity to find some personal hobbies that don’t include him. Join a book club, take up yoga, go to shows yourself.

I now love my time alone and treasure the time we have together all the more because it is limited.

Post # 5
Member
2420 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My SO and I both work crazy hours. Yes, it sucks and we can’t spend as much time together as we can, but it forces us to still have our own lives. When I know he is going to be working long hours on the weekends, I make plans with my girlfriends or spend that time doing things for myself. Some weeks we only see each other 1 or 2 days and that includes the weekends.

It is difficult, but we make it work and like PP said, I value my time with my SO more now than ever because it is so limited.  

Post # 7
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think it’s up to you guys to decide what your priorities are now, and in the future. There are things more important than money. But that should be balanced against what this job might mean for his career and your future. Could you put up with it for two to three years as a resume builder with the understanding that it’s just a stepping stone?

Unfortunately, moving up the career ladder often costs family time. It’s very hard to find a job that’s financially rewarding and mentally and emotionally satisfying that ends at 40 hours a week and never intrudes on  your personal life. 

Good luck to you. (FWIW, I don’t think that there’s a universal right or wrong choice here.) 

Post # 8
Member
2420 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@pokie45:  I don’t think you are being overly dramatic. The idea of never seeing your SO sucks. Believe me. It wasn’t the easiest thing for me to grasp at first either. A few weeks ago, my SO was on 2nd shift, but instead of going home, he came to my apartment just so that he could cuddle with me. Lately it seems that all of our time spent together is sleeping.

You guys will figure it out if he gets this job. Keep your chin up.

Post # 12
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Sorry ladies my phone goes crazy sometimes

Post # 13
Member
11284 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

this is a positive thing.  he is advancing in his career.  don’t make it negative. 

stay supportive.  you will get used to the new schedule.  find some hobbies or clubs that you can join to keep yourself occupied.

just remember, this is all for your future together.

Post # 14
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

I think you should take it as a positive thing, and remember that it might not be forever. When SO and I started dating he would only get out of work at around 10 or 11 pm, and would be eating dinner then. Now he finishes much earlier since he got the promotion he was working for, which has been good for us. So, it is possible that your SO might have to work crazy hours for a couple years but not after that.

In a year or so I will be looking for jobs, likely of similar intensity, and he has told me to go for what I want even if it means I will be cranky and not have much time for him. We have both had a careers-first attitude toward things (as long as it doesn’t affect our relationship) so it might be good to have a discussion with your SO if you feel like he is giving up your time for career time. As always, the best thing is open communication!

Post # 15
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I think I posted on your first thread…we are in a similar situation with both working long hours (although we have lived 2 hours apart for the past year which means we only see each other on weekends anyway) and DH often traveling (he’s currently on a business trip) for work. You have to as a couple decide if it is more important to have a career and additional income or time together. We committed to supporting each other on the career path for now and both realize this will change down the road. We appriciate the extra income so I won’t tell you it’s not worth it. But you guys need to really have a heart to heart. 

You mention you don’t live together so finding time to spend together would be hard. Can I suggest that maybe living together would be helpful? I’m not sure what your reasons are for not doing so but if you moved to be closer to him, maybe this job is the reason to take the step and move in together. I think just waking up together and seeing each other after work is a big difference. Even when we lived together there were weeks that DH and I only saw each other during the week if we were getting ready in the morning or sleeping but it was much better than living apart. 

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