(Closed) MY SO is annoyed with me and a comment I made about waiting.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think you’re overreacting.  Technically you don’t need a ring or a formal proposal to be engaged… some couples just arrive at the mutual decision to get married and move forward from there.  Not the most romantic of scenarios in my mind, but it happens.  Personally I wanted the ring before I started actually booking/placing deposits though.

If it were me, I’d just tell him that you’re going to get strange looks, and vendors won’t take you serioulsy without a ring.  Most vendors “play along” with the engaged couple’s excitement and ask to see the ring and give congratulations during the first meeting, so you’ll probably have to say something like “it’s being made” or “he’s working on it” etc… and I would get tired of that.

Post # 4
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@justvonne:  No you are not. stick to your guns and keep your backbone straight

Post # 5
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

No, no, no. You are 100% right. His position makes no sense. Here’s the reality, no matter what he says: 

You are not engaged. Period. Exclamation point.

You are absolutely right not to make plans and put down deposits. It’s not pressuring him; it’s common sense. If he wants to start planning the wedding now, then he can propose now. 

Post # 7
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This has nothing to do with having your guard up or not.

It has to do with needing a ring before you can start wedding planning like a normal person.

You don’t go from almost graduating Kindergarten to saying “hell let’s just start grade 8”

Post # 9
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Would you be happy without a grand, surprise proposal? If so, next time he acts upset about you not planning, why don’t you suggest that he just give you the ring and ask you right then, so you will have the peace of mind of knowing it’s official and will be able to start planning? He may not like the idea, but you don’t like the idea of placing large deposits on things without a formal commitment. If he wants things done his way (planning now as opposed to later) he is going to have to compromise.

And what’s with the rush, anyway? You guys have plenty of time. What’s wrong with just enjoying the phase you are in?

Post # 11
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

@justvonne:  I think you sound like you have your head on right, and you know what is important to you. I’d be proud if someday I had someone like you as a daughter!

Post # 12
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@justvonne:   In my opinion, you’re right about this issue in every way that it is possible to be right.  I don’t even see how he can argue with it, you’re being completely sane and practical.  Good for you.

Post # 13
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@meetmethere2013:  “You don’t go from almost graduating Kindergarten to saying “hell let’s just start grade 8” <—- THIS!!!

Post # 14
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

You are not wrong about this, at all.  Of course he likes talking about it, IT’S NOT REAL!  Once that ring is on your finger, something magical happens, you are engaged, you need to make a plan, we need a dress, and some cake and some place cards stat! 

Until then, it’s all smoke and mirrors, some nebulous and ever changing “Someday” so the next time Big Mouth is snuggling in bed and wants to talk limo, you look him in the eye and say, “That’s all well and good Candy Pants, but money talks and bullshit walks!”  Show him your ringless hand, turn out the light and roll over.

Post # 15
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@justvonne:  He feels bad about that so he wants to make sure I get those things because I deserve them.


Then I guess he had better get a move on, huh?

Seriously, though, this is nothing to fret over. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately for you) weddings do get cancelled. If you are willing to be very flexible about everything else, there’s a good chance you can still get your dream venue if he stops dragging his feet.

Post # 16
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Don’t worry, you aren’t overreacting.  I would never have planned a wedding without a proposal.  If you two have decided that the grand proposal and ring is what will make you “officially engaged” then you need that – it’s that simple.  I knew he was going to ask me for months before he didn, but my husband and I didn’t plan anything until I had the ring on my finger.  It makes the whole engagement that much more exciting when “Ok, now!  When, where, how do we want to get married?” 

He’ll get over it, he might just be a little butt-hurt for a couple days.  Explain that you can’t wait to plan a wedding and get married, but there’s a start and end date to that sort of thing: engagement and wedding.  I swear – the day we got engaged is when I switched from “if we get married” to “when we get married” because then it was REAL.

The topic ‘MY SO is annoyed with me and a comment I made about waiting.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors