Post # 1
My SO of 6 years is buying his first house at 25 years old. I am 23. We’ve both always lived at home with our parents. When he buys the house we are both moving into it together. As per him: the house and everything that comes along with it will be under his name and ONLY his name, indefinitely (even after we were to get married… p.s. we aren’t engaged yet)
He is buying the house, paying the mortgage, paying utilities, paying for furniture etc… he said my only responsibility is to live in it.
Side note: He works in Manhattan and makes 6 figures, I am still in nursing school and have student loans piled up and a part time job, and after I graduate I will probably be making around 60-65k/year. Currently, I don’t have any money to contribute to anything and probably wont for the next 2 years or so once I finish school. He helps me out A LOT with giving me money for school and recently gave me money to get a used car after my old one was totaled.
What do you think of this house situation? Is it completely absurd? Does he have a right to keep it all in his name even after we get married since he is the one who wants to pay for everything?
Post # 3
If he’s paying 100% for everything, I’d say yes – he has the right.
Although, I’m not sure about your state laws, but in my state, everything is community property, so it’s a 50/50 split in the case of divorce.
Post # 4
yes if you marry you could be up for 50/50 in the case of divorce. i think if hes paying for everything then its in his name is fine, however if he asks you to put money in for rent etc then i would definately either say you want your name on it too or refuse. otherwise youll end up paying his mortgage off for him.
it does seem strange to me that you are together and have been for 6 years, and he is buying a house and not putting your name on it though. thats a bit weird, especially if he sees you both together in the future etc.
Post # 5
@Stranger516: stop complaining. you will be living in a house for free. if he is paying for it, he has every right to keep everything in his name. he would be a fool not to. you really have nothing to offer yet. (sorry if that sounds harsh, it’s reality).
i’m sure this won’t be your first home together. by the time the two of you are ready to buy the next one, you will probably be finished school, your loans paid off and you will be working. you will be in a much better position to contribute to the house and the mortgage. until then, be grateful that you have someone who cares for you.
Post # 6
If he’s paying for everything, then I think it’s more than fair. If he puts everything in his name only but wanted you to contribute, then that would be considerably less fair.
Do you want to be a homeowner? There are ways for you to do this without actually living in the home. You can always consider purchasing an income property and renting it out.
Post # 7
Yes. Absolutely. It is his money, thus HIS house. Even when you get married, I don’t particuarly see why he should have to give up his hard work by putting your name on it. What if you get divorced? Then HIS house, that he bought with HIS money, paid EVERYTHING towards, would technically be half yours!
This would be a totally different answer if you were engaged, or married. Then, it would be a joint decision. However, in your current situation, it is all his.
Post # 8
If you’re not married and not in a co-purchaser arrangement, then yes, everything should rightly be in his name only. Not sure why you think it shouldn’t be…? Once you’re married, you can be added to the mortgage and utilities if you want, although my understanding is that in the medical field it’s common to leave all assets in the spouse’s name in case of malpractice suits. I do think, for your own protection, you should keep a record of all payments you make towards the house, as well as all monetary ‘gifts’ you receive.
Post # 9
He absolutely has every right, and IMO it would be absurd of him to put anything in your name at this point. If you’re not contributing any money, I wouldn’t think your name should be on the mortgage. As for the future, well…prenups are a sensitive subject but I could argue both sides (ie. when you marry, he could/should rightfully have a prenup protecting his pre-marital investiment, vs. no pre-up everything is 50/50).
I don’t think it matters how long you’ve been together, I think some couples aren’t ready for communal property until marriage or equal financial contributions. Not everyone feels that way (Hubs and I didn’t), but I can’t argue with those that do.
Post # 10
I agree that he has the right to do it if he’s paying for everything. Just don’t contribute anything to the mortgage unless you’re added to the title.
Post # 11
I think that’s perfectly normal. I went through something fairly similar even after we got married that you can read here.
If you get married, you’ll likely own part of the house anyway. I would not put another person’s name on such a huge purchase until I married them; you never know what could happen in the meantime, and that makes for really sloppy paperwork later down the road. Since it’s his money, name, and credit making this huge purchase, it really should be in his name only.
Post # 12
@Stranger516: He definitely has the right to do whatever he wants. Why is it big deal? Since he is the only one paying for the house I think it’s only right that he would have it in his name. When you get married you don’t just inherit everything your spouse had prior to your marriage, like he won’t inherit your student loans. I think you should be greatfull that he helps you out so much and forget about whether or not your name is on the mortage. Who cares? It doesn’t seem like he’s going anywhere anyway.
Post # 13
Thanks for all your replies. I don’t have a problem at all with living there for free and I am actually grateful that I will be living without any expenses. I have, however, been told by friends and family that I am a moron for not making add my name when in reality, he has done so much for me and it will be his house anyway so I am glad I got more opinions on the matter.
Post # 14
@Stranger516: He absolutely has the right. We recently bought a house, and everything is in my name.
My Fiance did not have the same kind of money that I did, and the entire deposit is my own savings plus a little loan from my folks. When mortgage repayments are due, we split them 50/50 and Fiance pays for all the little renovation works around the house. He keeps a track of all these payments, and they go towards his share to match the contribution I have made.
Once we get married, I am fully aware that he will be entitled to 50/50 and once we have kids I will be staying at home and mortgage repayments will be his responsibility. But it took a lot of hard work to get to the point where I could afford a down payment on a house, so I needed to have that title in my name for my own sense of achievement. Which he understood and was totally ok with!
For all intents and purposes, it is “our” house and we tell everyone we bought the house together, but we know it is under my name.
You seem like you have a pretty good deal going there, so for you to question his “right” is a little bit off. If you pay half of everything, then it should go in your name. If he’s paying for the entire lot, then it’s entirely up to him what he does!
Just out of curiosity, will you be paying rent?
Post # 15
Yep, why should your name be on anything if you are contributing nothing? And he’s actually supporting you? Pretty sweet deal if you ask me, someone who had to purchase her own house and support herself for the past 12 years.
Post # 16
Since you’re not married I think it’s totally normal for your name not to be on the mortgage. Heck I wouldn’t even think it was that weird for you to pay “rent” if needed. If he’s not comfortable putting your name on the mortgage even after marriage, well, there are always prenups to protect yourself.