OP, I live with my SO, so circumstantially I come from a different ‘place’. But, although living together has changed some things (compromising on finances, chores, etc) the overal dynamic of ‘us’ has remained the same.
I have already commented on one post regarding what will change when we get married. I had said that who I AM, fundamentally, will not change. Nor will he. Why should we?! I am choosing to take him as my husband as he is, and visa versa. Our committment changes, our relationship will change, etc.
What I read in this post today (and I have not read responses, so pardon me if it is repititive advice) is that you two are testing one another to some degree. He is testing you to see if you are ‘wife’ material, and you are ‘testing’ him for perhaps more of a committment.
As I see it, I would do anything for SO – if he asked, including planning his grandma’s bday, or writing a review on his behalf, provided I CAN DO IT. I do not do it because I live with him, or because I think I ‘should’ or because I have something to ‘prove’ to him, but because I WANT TOO. I love him, and we are a team, and that is what I want out of our relationship – teamwork. And he knows this. He also knows that the same ‘rule’ applies to him as well. If I need something done, and he can, then he will. And sometimes, yes, he will call and say ‘can you run to Dicks and return a pair of boots I bought?!’ And my answer is ‘yes, I have time, no problem.’ Or, ‘no, I am planning to work out’, or ‘work late’ or whatever. I do not say ‘no’ because he has not proposed. And he is not asking to ‘see’ if I will, so he does propose! Ya know?
Fundamentally, you two have established things that are seemingly becoming unhealthy. You should never be made to feel like an assistant! But. you need to ask yourself why you feel that way? And he needs to figure out what his motives are in asking you do get things done…