(Closed) My SO is talking about venues, guests, etc, but we're not engaged?

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: DId you talk about the wedding before the engagement?

    No, not a peep

    Yes, extensively

    A bit, vaguely

  • Post # 3
    4950 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    My FH and I did. We had even set a time frame for the wedding (May – July 2014) before we were even engaged (meaning ring on my finger). I didn’t start actually planning things until we were engaged, but there was definitely a lot of talk. 

    Post # 4
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Haha. I think at the point where you’re planning a wedding, you’re engaged. You just don’t have the jewelry yet.

    Post # 5
    6593 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    We set the date, booked the venue and booked the photographer before he OFFICIALLY proposed!

    To me the decision to get engaged is a decision made by the couple not just the man. Granted I was excited about the proposal but it terms of starting planning the wedding, we both wanted to start so we did!

    Post # 6
    2195 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    Yes, he brought it up first (always a rule of mine), and I casually mentioned things. after awhile we just openly talked about stuff.

    Post # 7
    1108 posts
    Bumble bee

    My fiance pulled this sort of thing.

    “I’m not allowed to talk about it unless there’s something on my hand/we have a title”

    I was mostly joking… Innocent

    Post # 9
    1021 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We didn’t talk about anything in detail, but whenever we did it usually had to do with the marriage itself rather than the wedding. Looking back I wish we had talked about wedding details…it would have made the first couple months of our engagement much less overwhelming.

    Post # 10
    509 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @Elvis: Disagree.

    We had the date set, venues booked and photographer booked before he proposed. We may have different circumstances though. Military effed some stuff up and I only had 4 months to plan a wedding.



    Post # 11
    1667 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    We obviously won’t BOOK anything before we are engaged, but we discuss time and logistics of it a lot – his family is from another country and so is he so we have to do it within a certain time on his next (3 year) visa. There is a lot of paperwork and planning that goes with it.

    So we’re not planning, per se, we’re just working out logistics of when and where, since when we announce our engagement, I know that’s what people will want to know immediately. He’s a planner and he likes to bring it up.

    Technically as we’ve already agreed to get married I think some people would say we are engaged, but we are waiting until I meet his parents and until we’re about a year out from the wedding to become formally engaged, tell everyone, etc. Only my parents know now. So I’m just saying I’m waiting for now, I’ll be engaged when the ring is on and I can book away to my heart’s content!

    Post # 12
    325 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    We did not. But we were young and in college prior to engagement. And DH did not want to discuss ANYTHING wedding related ever. I guess it made him feel uncomfortable. Even after he proposed he didn’t like to talk about it for a while. We had an 18 month engagement so we didn’t really start planning until 6 months after the proposal, and then he was comfortable with it, haha. Except I bought my dress 1 month after getting engaged, but he didn’t know that. DH doesn’t like to rush anything.

    Post # 13
    44 posts
    • Wedding: September 2013

    We talked about weddings vaguely, but once he started getting specific and wanting to seriously discuss halls/churches/guest lists (he even told me to start looking at halls because he was worried we wouldn’t get a date!) I told him the same thing!  I’m didn’t want to start real planning until I had a ring!  Sometimes just to push the point (after we had looked at rings multiple times) I kept telling him “IF we EVER get married, I like this idea…!”

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