(Closed) My SO left me alone on Christmas

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll:
  • Post # 31
    260 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    He did not leave you at alone on Christmas. You CHOSE to wait alone for him after he told you his plans for the day. 

    Post # 32
    3114 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

    He said he was going to spend a few hours with his daughter, and after 3.5 hours you send him an angry passive aggressive text? Personally I would not want to be with a man who DIDNT prioritize his own children on holidays. It sounds to me like you shouldn’t date someone with kids, it’s not for everyone. At 11:30 you could have asked him if he was leaving soon instead of being so overdramatic. You knew what his plans were and chose to wait for him, he didn’t make you wait alone. Honestly to me it seems like you guys just may not be compatible? 

    Post # 33
    6543 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    He likely doesn’t get to see his daughter as often as he would like, and Christmas is a much bigger deal to children. If I’d been him, I’d have spent as long with her as possible, too. And then you didn’t even text him to say directly what you wanted – something like, “Hey, it’s 9 pm. I’m looking forward to seeing the lights with you soon!” – but instead waited until it was too late and then sent a passive-aggressive text blaming him for your feelings. Honestly, it sounds like YOU have some growing up to do. As PP have mentioned, his daughter will ALWAYS come first, as she should. If you want him, you have to accept being second place to his relationship with his child. 

    Post # 34
    5863 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Visiting a 3 year old @ 11:45 at night? I guess it’s possible if she was up really late for the holidays and it was the only time she could see her dad- but this could also mean things aren’t as over with the ex as he’d led you to believe. It sucks that he had to work Christmas Day and kudos for him for wanting to see his daughter- but I wonder if he spent time with his ex after the daughter went to bed? 

    OP, I gotta ask though, as others have, why did you choose to stay there Christmas Day and act the martyr instead of going home to your family for a nice Christmas? If he worked til 6:30 and still had to see his daughter- when did you think you were going to get to see him? Even if he’d gotten back earlier, surely you expected him to spend at least a few hours seeing his daughter, so I don’t even see how a movie etc could even be worked in.

    And you broke up with him a few days before the holidays?!?! That’s pretty cold right there (unless it’s warranted on serious grounds like abuse or cheating). Or was it, as a few others have guessed, a manipulative tactic? Add this to the self-pitying passive-aggressive text you sent him and you come off as someone who isn’t above emotional blackmail to get her own way.

    Did he insist you stay with him on Christmas even knowing he’d leave you alone most of the time? If so, that’s pretty selfish on his part, he should have told you to go home and celebrate with your family & the two of you could have either an early or a belated Christmas together on one of his days off? Or was it you, as I’m half suspecting, who instisted on being clingy and hanging around so you could see him the actual Christmas Day, despite his reasonable and responsible priorities of his daughter and his job taking up most of the time? If this is the true sceanario it’s very unhealthy.

    Post # 35
    5954 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    SCake:  What a terrible Christmas! I don’t get why he left to spend time with the daughter?? He could’ve done that another day. That’s usually what separated parents do, they don’t spend the day together WITH the kid. It’s weird to me he was there so late, too. Little kids should be exhausted from the day and be in bed! I don’t think he treats you well. You should move on.

    Post # 36
    9216 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    you said in a prior post “Our relationship is good for the most part”

    well that doesn’t sound like a great relationship to be in.

    yes, there are obstacles you will need to overcome together and separately.  but if i wanted to be happy, i would never want to be a relationship that is good for the most part.



    Post # 37
    2319 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Girl please! Find someone without small kids. The smaller they are the worse your relationship will be. 

    Vow for your next Christmas to be spectacular and it will be! 

    Post # 38
    3882 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    Like PP, I’m confused as to why you didn’t spend Christmas at home with your family. My Fiance and I have been together for 8 years and we have never spent Christmas day together (our families live 9 and 12 hours away form us) and spent our first Thanksgiving together this past year. You’ve only been together a year – there is no need to do everything together, especially when you love being home with your family for Christmas and you knew he had to work and had plans with his daughter. If you choose to stay in this relationship (I’m unclear whether you broke up with him a second time or are considering it) I would plan to spend more time with your family and friends. It sounds like your SO is busy trying to support himself and his daughter, and that is exactly what he should be doing.

    Post # 39
    72 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

     SCake:  You should have gone home to your own family.  Working until 6, seeing a movie with you, visiting a small child on Christmas Day….not sure how you thought he could squeeze it all in.. was he supposed to see his child at midnight?   Imagine being him and having to work Christmas Day, which is quite shitty in itself, and then knowing your girlfriend somehow expects you to be in two places at the same time after putting in said full day at work.  On top of this he has taken a financial hit and probably feels bad he can’t afford the gifts he would like to provide for you and his daughter.  This whole situition could have been avoided with a bit of understanding on your part and a discussion beforehand.  

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