(Closed) My SO Lost Interest In Intimacy

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
137 posts
Blushing bee

I’m absolutely certain I replied to a thread exactly the same a couple of days ago?

Tell him you love him and you’ll be there, head out with some friends, have a great time, and focus on yourself. Just plan loads of things for you and your friends to do without him. He’ll soon be ‘excited’ to see you again when he sees what a ‘catch’ you are!

Post # 3
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
sgwarnog:  Great advice.

Post # 4
178 posts
Blushing bee

sorry you’re going through this bee! I don’t know the root of why you are arguing so I’ll just answer the question you asked. 

i would take time out of this relationship to do something for yourself.  

Can you take some time off from work and spend time away?  Visit a friend or family?  Or hell even go on a solo vacation?  Personally there’s nothing more fun then getting excited to go away and unwind. 

take on a new hobby? I took self defense and boxing classes that made me feel like a bad ass.  Start taking hikes in your free time?  sometimes a nice long hike alone with my music can be a good reset for me personally. 

If you think that your issues run deeper there’s nothing wrong with talking to a counselor. I had to do that once too just to get some perspective and self reflect why I was feeling the way I was.   

in the end I think you need to find something that you want and need to do for yourself. What’s that old saying? You can’t love yourself until you love someone else?

Post # 6
4239 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t like how he is putting this on you.  He has lost interest in intimacy but yet he wants YOU to change and go back to the “strong, independent, confident girl” so he feels like having sex with you again…?  What about HIS role in all of this?  He is putting all the blame on you and that really isn’t cool.  You have been arguing…it takes two to argue so he isn’t totally innocent in all of this.

Plus the fact that your arguments which are causing these issues are over INTIMACY.  Honestly, just have sex.  I’m one who when I am stressed out I don’t necessarily feel like having sex, but once I get into it I feel good about it.

If after you have had sex more consistently things are still an issue, then I would start questioning if the relationship is the right fit for you.  Sex of course ebbs and flows; sometimes you have a ton sometimes you only have it a few times…but I really don’t like how he is approaching this and blaming you…

Post # 7
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

View original reply
MsMegs82:  does he have a problem with depression?  My Fiance does as well as PTSD and before I FINALLY got to admit he needed help and got him to seek it at the VA we would go through periods like this when he was depressed. 

I can see how starting a business would add a lot of anxiety that could lead to depression and the arguing will not help either. Either way, it is not your fault, it is on him and the first bee’s post about focusing on you is great advice.  

Post # 8
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I went through this a couple months ago with my SO, after we’d hit about a year and a half of living together. It’s a hard time and it definitely tests you as a couple as I was constantly thinking that is was my fault.. obviously he wasn’t attracted to me anymore, didnt want to be with me etc. This caused us to argue a lot, as I was really like shit and unwanted and he didn’t understand why I was feeling like that. So one thing I will tell you is arguing about it is definitely not helping. I also see why he’s saying about you going back to being confident as I lost a lot of it, and then made me not want to work at intimacy either. I agree with PP’s taking time to yourself and doing things just for you will help make you feel better. 
Also try and arrange a nice date night, where you both get dolled up and treat it like dates that you’d have when you’re first seeing each other. Living with someone can often take away the romance as you don’t always make the effort for each other because youre always together. Go for dinner and dancing and just enjoy being together without the pressure of sex. 

If that doesn’t help things chane then you can look at re-evluating your relationship with him. 

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