- 3 years ago
I’m going to tell the story of my SO peeing him pants and how I guess we resolved it. I also want advice on telling the difference between social drinking and a drinking problem in a man who is 200 pounds/6 feet tall. I don’t drink much…maybe less than 5 times a year I will get “drunk” and its usually a planned clubbing night or something with SO. I also want to know if I handled this situation properly and if I’m overreacting to this problem.
This past Friday I went out with my friends and SO went out with his. We both arrived home at around the same time (midnight). I could tell immediatly he was wasted. He has that slack-jawed look of someone who has had too many.
We just moved in together last month and this is the first time he has came home wasted like this. . My anxiety has been pretty bad lately and a side effect of that is it causes me to overanalyze and worry about every other aspect of my life including relationships, work, classes, family, etc. I want to know what you ladies think…especially any bees who have experience with this situation. I currently feel the need to analyze his drinking (without telling him) and trying to figure out if its “normal” or problematic.
Anyways…he peed his pants while he was at the pub with one of his friends who thankfully lives out of town and was just in town for the weekend. I always liked this friend but from what I have learned about him he is an alcoholic, multiple DUIs, accidents, 27 or 28 years old with no career path, etc. I liked him because he seemed genuine but after seeing my SO the way I did on Friday I no longer care for this friend of his. My SO didn’t even want to see this friend and doesn’t like him…they are just friends because they have known each other since they were 4 or 5. I was the one to encourage him to go out and see this “friend” while he was still in town.
My SO and I have been together for almost 4 years and we have drank together in the past and gotten pretty drunk (once in a while) but I have never seen him like this. It was painful for me to see him come home with pee all over his jeans. My immediate thought was that he must be an alcoholic or have a drinking problem but now that I have calmed down I’m not sure what to think. How can you tell if someone has a drinking problem or just drinks too much vs. a social drinker? I have never peed my pants while drunk but my friend’s roommate is apparently pees in the bed anytime she has more than 2-3 drinks and she doesn’t have a drinking problem….thats just how her body works.
I told my SO it made me very uncomfortable to see him like that and I told him that if this is a regular thing I can’t stay in a relationship with him. My mother was a heavy drinker and abusive and while I never saw her pee her pants I did see her vomiting and being cared for by others when I was young. I feel a lot of pain seeing my SO out of control like that. It was also a huge turn off to see him with pee pants…I couldn’t even make love to him the next day…I was revolted and still had the image of him standing in the hall with pee pants.
He slept on the couch and the next day apologized and told me he felt horrible, that it was wrong, said his friend was a bad influence and kept ordering shots, he would never drink that much again so we cleared things up, he wants to make “us” work, blah blah blah.
He also went out two weekends ago to a friend’s house and he came home buzzed…maybe tipsy but not drunk. Besides that I think he had six beers one night when he stayed home which alarmed me but he is about 200 pounds/6 feet tall. About 3-4 other nights he has had 2-3 beers. Most nights he doesn’t drink but I’m not used to this casual 2-3 beers drinking….he doesn’t even seem to catch a buzz he just does it while playing a video game.
My SO is a true gentleman and very loving and supportive. He’s a hardworker and supports me while I finish grad school. He isn’t some schlub day drinking or anything….I just need to know what is normal before I freak out on him or give myself anxiety over a non-issue.