(Closed) My SO refuses to give me a timeline

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
748 posts
Busy bee

I haven’t really… not until late anyway. It was 4-5 months after I first brought it up that he finally (more or less under some pressure from me) told me that he doesn’t feel comfortable proposing until I graduate (which is in about 2 weeks now). He still claims that he doesn’t have the ring but I’m 99% sure he does have it, and he did tell he me’s told his mom he seriously intends to propose. But he refuses to give me a timeline, still. I just have to infer it from all of his backwards clues, lol. Some guys are just like that. I knew there was nothing to worry about with mine eventually… he’s only doing it because he really wants to make it a surprise. It makes him happy, so whatever, I’ll take a bit of uncertainty.

Some guys say that because they’re insecure, other guys just because they really like being in control and keeping it all a big surprise. You know your SO best. If he’s in the latter camp, I would say let him be, it’ll make him much happier. If I may offer one piece of advice, the best time to gently pull out some information is after a couple of drinks πŸ˜‰ at least with mine!

Post # 4
674 posts
Busy bee

Is he actually refusing to have this kind of serious conversation at all or are you classifying it as refusal because he hasn’t volunteered any kind of timeline-like information?

It’s a rather important distinction to make. If it’s very important to you to absolutely know that he’s serious about these future plans, and he is blowing you off with this kind of response every time you try to have the conversation, then that’s a giant red flag right there for communication issues in your relationship. If that’s the case, you need to decide if this kind of frustration for all of life’s major events is something you want to deal with for the rest of your life or if you guys need to figure out how to solve it now.

If you, on the other hand, are expecting him to provide you with a timeline after random comments about where he can pick up a ring, then you’re not actually communicating anything serious at all to him. In which case, my advice to you is to actually try and have a real conversation about the importance of a timeline rather than hoping he picks up on a vague hint that comes in the form of name dropping jewelers.

Post # 5
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I haven’t either. I know he wants it to be a surprise, so I’m not saying anything. You’ve looked at rings, and he has made his intentions clear (that’s so cute what he said!), so it sounds like it’s soon! If it’s not in the next couple of months and you’re getting antsy, I think maybe that’s when you can think about saying something (assuming you just recently went to look at rings). But that’s just my opinion! And I very much agree with the PP πŸ™‚ My SO starting drunkenly rambling about the 4 Cs, so I found out it will probably be sooner than later. Good luck!! 

Post # 7
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My Boyfriend or Best Friend didnt refuse to give me a timeline, but he didnt follow his. The timeline I was given was that we would get engaged after about a year of living together. Well that was last August. It`s April now. He is over half a year late. And half a year late whe you were originally given a one year time line is alot.

Post # 8
307 posts
Helper bee

@Sminthy:   “We are going to be married, I love you, and we’re going to have beautiful kids.”  at least he has the right idea! πŸ˜‰ trust him!

Post # 9
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Cosigning with FlyingPiggy!

Post # 10
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I didnt have a timeline.  He wanted to do the proposal in his way in his own time.  I had no idea it was even coming…niether did he.  He just got the gut feeling and went with it one night, no ring, and it couldnt of been more perfect. 

Have patience lovely.

Post # 11
1104 posts
Bumble bee

The timeline I was given in early 2008 was “next year”. He proposed in Nov 2008. It sounds like he’s on the right track and wants to make it a surprise, so I’d let him, and enjoy the anticipation. Because once it’s happened it’s never going to happen again πŸ™‚

Post # 12
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Sminthy:  No timeline here, and he absolutely refuses to give me one. Previously when I’ve hinted for one he used to get pretty uptight and it used to put him in a bad mood. I think him giving me a timeline would have just added a lot of pressure.

I know it’s going to happen though – he’s been talking to friends about proposing soon, talks about marriage a lot more than he used to, he’s even been telling me how he needs to get his ass into gear and go and talk to my parents…

Honestly, I never even thought about timelines until I started coming on the bee… I get a timeline like “we”ll get married by__________, but a timeline for engagement, to me, was just odd…

Oh well, I just figure it will happen… I’m the one that gets to flaunt the ring… He should be able to give it to me when he wants and in a moment that is perfect for us… Plus I know he would HATE not having an awesome proposal story to tell so i’m giving him as much time and space as he wants, within reason obviously πŸ™‚

Post # 13
4142 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I thought we had… but it was brought up a few weeks ago and it turns out we don’t.

“We are going to be married, I love you, and we’re going to have beautiful kids.”

It’ll happen, SO says similar things all the time, just have to be patient and trust.

Post # 14
748 posts
Busy bee

@Sminthy:  Haha, don’t worry about it. He won’t give you a timeline, but you have nothing to worry about. He wants to make it a surprise. After I sat and thought about it I realized it was selfish for me to ask for a timeline that would make me happier and him unhappier.

Post # 15
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

This seems to be a difficult issue between a lot of people. Patience is something that is very diffcult but I think it extremely important. You know his intentions and it sounds like you guys will get married! 

We don’t exactly have a timeline. I’m struggling with that right now since I’m a planner and I just want to get there already. He has his own timeline but I don’t get to know that. We decided that in the next two years, we will be married. The more I pushed to know the date that he intended to do it by, the more he shut down. I find that because I have a wonderful outlet at here with all the other Bee’s, I’m able to vent and get advice without bringing my SO into it. 

I think I need to take this advice myself, but just remember how much he loves you and why you love him. Try not to forget how much the relationship means right now!

Post # 16
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We don’t have a timeline, but I do know he is saving for a ring. I am generally okay with it, though the constant “are you engaged yet?” questioning from randoms is getting reallllllly freakinggggg old. 

I agree with what other posters have said. He may really want to make it a surprise! I think it does add a lot of pressure for a guy also – there are a lot of moving piece to an engagement and the subsequent wedding, especially if money is an issue. 

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