Post # 76
AnonBee456: I would say something. She’s venting about not having room? And she won’t invite your SO? Your her Maid/Matron of Honor, you should have a plus one!! Not only that but all of her other bridesmaids get a plus one but you don’t??? It’s not like you’ve just met this man. I could see if you had just started dating, then yes I would be hesitant too (who knows how long you could be together), but that’s not the case.
Stick up for yourself and say something to her!!
Post # 77
You know chaps , I think we are all wasting our time here. I think we care more about the OP’s fiance’s feelings and dignity than she does herself, and she will be happy with the merest crumbs from the so-called friend’s table.
Post # 78
elderbee: I don’t really appreciate your mean comment at all, however I do appreciate the other bee’s advice that you are talking about despite whether I am following it properly or not I see that alot of them are probably right. I DO care and I do see that I can tend to let myself be a doormat due to her behaviour and that is something I am working on and obviously have trouble with. But i don’t appreciate you insinuating that I don’t care about my SO, obviously I do or I would not be upset at all. <br /><br />To everyone one else thank you very much, I really am taking your advice on board. Sometimes you need an outside opinion to really make it clear how bad things are, its hard to recognise it completely when your in the middle of it and used to it, and I will definitely be reconsidering the friendship.
Post # 79
AnonBee456: The thing is, it’s not that hard to say to someone ”Janey I’ve been thinking – the other day you said that you had a table to fill at the reception, and I can see that you’ve invited all the other BM’s boyfriends, so it makes me wonder why you didn’t invite my SO? Do you guys have an issue that I don’t know about? Obviously I care about you deeply and am delighted to be your Maid/Matron of Honor but knowing that I will be the only one there without a plus one is upsetting to me (I think understandably so) and I would like to know your reasoning behind it.”
If this is someone that youre close to enough to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, saying that simple sentence should be very easy for you. And if it’s not, this is not a true friendship in any way shape or form.
Post # 80
I’m confused. She said that she was still trying to fill empty tables and then says there’s not room? What’s so hard about saying “oh. well I just remembered you saying that you still had open tables to fill so I’m not sure why there wouldn’t be room for my SO, especially when all the other BMs have had +1s”
She is being a bitch. you’re letting her treat you poorly, and then coming back for more.
Post # 81
AnonBee456: I would just ask her why your SO was left out. Do it in a way that doesn’t seem combative, but that is firm and gets a reasonable response. As the situation stands right there, I would not be attending that wedding.
I’m editing my post because I just saw your most recent update, and I’m sorry, but letting him come to the ceremony and not the reception? I don’t care who this person is to you, how long you’ve been friends, or what reaction you’re afraid of–she is being beyond disrespectful to you and your SO. That is not okay. She is lying to you and you both know this, but you aren’t doing anything about it. I’m seriously appalled that you are okay with this treatment of not only yourself, but of your SO. You need to evaluate your relationship with this person if this is how you’re letting yourself be treated. At not point did you point blank bring it up. That’s really not okay. At best, I’d step down as Maid/Matron of Honor and attend as a guest, but honestly, if the roles were reversed, I’d drop this friend immediately and I sure as hell wouldn’t attend this wedding.
Post # 82
I’m not you, but if it was me I would have said something when she first mentioned your Fiance not being invited ESP since everyone else’s SO is. You’re her maid of honor and that’s how she treats you?! I would never in a million years tell my BFF that there’s no space for her SO. Are you sure your BFFs? Because if I have an issue with my friends who I’ve known for almost 20 years I tell them and we have an open, honest discussion about it. I’m sorry if it offends you but I agree with elderbee, how can you have such little regard for your Fiance, your future husband, life partner, maybe future father of your children that you don’t stick up for him and what’s fair?
Post # 83
you HAVE to say something! This is so not ok! If you are best friends you should be able to say anything. SHe is being a bitch and this just isn’t on- she invites someone’s partner they have been with a month?! sorry but that takes the biscuit! Time to find your voice!
Post # 84
Your friend has no respect for you. I invited my MOH’s SO and I can’t stand him! My family can’t stand him. My husband can’t stand him. My MOH’s family did not attend and I suspect largely because they can’t stand him. But more power to you so long as you’re comfortable with how you and you’re SO are being treated.
Post # 85
I know you don’t seem to really want to talk about your friendship with the bride. You say that she is your BFF, but are you sure you are her BFF?
Post # 86
If I were you I would be re-thinking this friendship. It sounds like she’s not really your friend at all while YOU are being a wonderful friend to her.
Post # 87
This is extremely rude and out of etiquette for her to not invite your fiance. Im not sure why you would sit there and take it…
Post # 88
If my FI’s best friend didn’t invite me to his wedding and he was the best man I would be giving him all kinds of hell lol. Your SO is very nice.
Post # 89
AnonBee456: The more pressing issue is that if you decide to not say anything to her about it, you are choosing your friend over defending your SO/FI. I would say something, ask her what’s up – not for myself, but because I would absolutely not let her disrespect my man like that! And if push came to shove, you can bet your bum that I’d side with my fiancé and boycott that wedding. But hey, that’s just me…
Post # 90
This is what I’d say. I realize that it is your prerogative to invite anyone you want to the wedding and I was completely fine with that when you first brought it up since it’s not my guest list or my place to say anything.
But I couldn’t help notice that you have invited SOs for all the other bridesmaids. On top of that, you told me that you are paying for a whole table that won’t be used. So I’m confused and have to ask you if there is some reason you don’t like SO or there is something he’s done to offend you? Also, I don’t know if you recall that we’re engaged, even though it’s not been announced.
Are you living with your SO? The only other possible explanation I can think for any of this is that the other bridesmaids are living with or officially engaged to their SOs and she’s drawn the lines in a very concrete way.
Actually, that’s not true. The pattern of her behavior suggests that she’s capable of a lot of irrational things. I hope you will reevaluate the friendship.