(Closed) My SO/FI was specifically not invited to the wedding!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 91
Member
1039 posts
Bumble bee

AnonBee456:  I think you need to ask the tough questions and if the bride considers you as good a frriend as you consider her, she should at least hear you out. Short of her deeply disliking your Fiance for reasons she has never mentioned, or in the unlikely event that she and your Fiance have had some past/history/incident that she would be uncomfortable sharing with you, there’s absolutely no reason why every other bridal party’s SO has been invited except your Fiance.

You need to ask her outright. I know it’s easier said than done and you might even feel like you’re stuck between loyalties to her and your Fiance, and it may not end well but I think you owe it to your Fiance to get some sort of explanation.

Post # 92
Member
489 posts
Helper bee

Just had a thought. Perhaps since SO is welcome at the ceremony but not reception, you can tell your friend that you will also be only attending the ceremony.  Then you get to do your main part as her Maid/Matron of Honor, stand beside her and all that. Then she has an empty seat next to her at the reception and needs to explain why.

Post # 93
Member
86 posts
Worker bee

AnonBee456:  Dang, girl.  You are Maid/Matron of Honor, true, but you are marrying your Fiance.  If there actually was no space, that makes sense.  There is space.  There is lots of space.  And when you half-challenged her on it, her response was that he could come to the ceremony?  And then, what? Leave?  

How is that ok for you as a future wife?  This woman lied to you, continues to lie to you, and you think that a friendship like that is worth more than a guy who’s apparently willing to be your second-priority?

I know from a distance this sounds silly, and close up it must seem impossible (I bet your friend has a LOT of requirements of her MOH).  And it sounds for certian that you don’t want to push her about it.  But I want you to really, really think about this.  You are telling your husband that this friend is worth more to you than he is.  That he’s your second thought.  He’s the one that has to bend to this girl’s whims.  

And this friend.  Rather than including him as a future part of you, she’s purposefully, needlessly excluding him.  So she can stake her claim to you.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by  asocalbee.
Post # 94
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee

AnonBee456:  That was your perfect opportunity to say, “Well yesterday you said you had an extra table”. Honestly, you cannot blame the other bees for questioning how much you care for your SO when you seem to constantly choose your “BFF” (I’m actually questioning whether this is really the case) and her feelings/fear of reaction over your SO’s feelings and just the basic respect for your partner of standing up for him. You say you are confused as to why they are singling him out and yet you still will not ask why. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW UNLESS YOU ASK.

You are also saying you don’t want to end the friendship in one post but then saying you will begin to question how much involvement you will have with her in another post.

You are incredibly contradictory in many of your posts and it is becoming more and more evident that the forum cannot help you…nobody can.

I truly hope you one day gain the courage and strength to stick up for yourself and stop being a doormat and letting people like this bratty bride to wak all over you.

Post # 95
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee

asocalbee: Amen!! You said everything I wanted to say but you were a lot more articulate.

Post # 96
Member
8320 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

AnonBee456:  Well, feel free to characterise my comment  as mean, that’s OK. However ,  it actually wasn’t meant to be harsh  for the  sake of it , it was meant to be a bit of a ‘wake up’ .

I am unmoved by your disliking  my comments, but you can hardly blame a stranger  for wondering about  the strength of your committment  when  many other pp’s  have given sane and compassionate  advice  all of which you acknowledge to be good,and indeed thank them for,  but are intending to ignore.

Several pp’s have also questioned why you keep putting a  friend ( and a person who is  unkind and far meaner than me ) before your Fiance , who , incidentally sounds like  a very kind and lovable man .  Be a bit courageous and  worthy of him why don’t you!

  

 

Post # 97
Member
3244 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

OP I sincerely hope you reevaluate this utterly dysfunctional, one sided, non existent friendship. I’ve had enemies treat me kinder than your bff treats you. Her behaviour is so spoilt its repugnant and the more you bow to her, the more you enable her tyranny. I would quit, as never speak to the woman again. Knowing someone for a long time does not a friendship make. 

Post # 98
Member
3244 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

elderbee:  I didn’t think you were mean. Just honest. I agreed with your comment. 

Post # 99
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

elderbee:  I don’t think your comment was mean either.

Post # 100
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would have a hard time standing up as Maid/Matron of Honor for someone I was unable to have a frank conversation with.  My partner means more to me than being in the wedding of someone who had zero respect for me or my relationship. You don’t seem to have an issue calling out a stranger on the internet for saying something you don’t like, but you have a problem calling out your best friend for the way she’s disrespecting your SO??  I don’t get it.

Post # 102
Member
953 posts
Busy bee

If its so dammed hard to stand up for yourself in person why not ask her in an e-mail? 

Point blank lay out all the bullshit and ask her to explain.

Sorry if my “bff” invited a bunch of others and ignored me spouse..I wouldn’t be moh.  Fuck I wouldn’t go to the wedding. 

Post # 103
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

panda87:  I agree with you! Either she goes to only the ceremony with her man or he goes to both with her.

OP NO MATTER IF HE SAYS HE DOESNT CARE OR NOT HE DOES! this is hurting your SO’s feelings. I really cant believe that you sit there and let her do this to you. If one of my boyfriends friends did this to me and he let it happen and didnt speak up – he would be on his way out the front door. If you truly take your SO/FI seriously- you better start putting him first Or your gunna lose him. 

If he really is your future husband then ur list should go like this:

1. His feelings 

THAN

2. Your friends feelings

 

Wake up !!

Post # 104
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Sorry, I’m with elderbee. This mess is just riduculous and anyone else who continues to comment on it is just wasting their keystrokes.

Post # 105
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Your long time best friend of 20 years???  Based on you walking on eggshells to keep the friendship going?  This is no friendship, this is a dictatorship.

If she is your BEST FRIEND, does this also mean you’d like for her to be your MOH?  LOL  Oh sorry, I shouldn’t laugh, but are you effing kidding me?  This right here should mark the end of your friendship.  Her respect for you has dropped so low that she doesn’t feel your soon-to-be FI warrants an invite!  Not only that, she FLAUNTS it to you by flat out lying to you about why.  I know this is futile, but… give your head a shake!

She does not belong at your wedding, and certainly not in your wedding party.  Quite frankly, she does not belong in your life.  Friends challenge each other when they’re wrong, even if it’s a little uncomfortable.  Being able to get through those discussions is what brings you TRULY closer.

The topic ‘My SO/FI was specifically not invited to the wedding!’ is closed to new replies.

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