(Closed) My son hates his new shoes.

posted 7 years ago in Shoes
Post # 3
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Kids hate change. The best thing to do is to get 2 different pairs and then let him chose one. This isn’t really about the shoes it’s about control. At 2 is when most toddlers want to start becoming independant. I bet if you give him a choice and don’t force him he will pick one.

Speaking from experience. We had a jacket freak out at 2. I got a blue and red one. When I said put on a jacket he would cry. When I said do you want the blue or the red jacket he would pick one and put it on. 

Post # 5
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mwitter80: agreed!! 

Good luck Cash!

Post # 6
46612 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you can’t be in charge when your son is not yet 2 years of age, I fear for you when he is 16.

Since when do 2 yr olds get to choose their own wardrobe?

I know this sounds harsh but we see these kids every day in ER who “refuse to take their medication” and want the nurse to force them to take it.

If he won’t wear the shoes, pick him up and take the shoes with you. If his feet get cold or he doesn’t like walking on gravel he will put the shoes on.

Post # 7
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@julies1949: I definitely agree with this!!

But for a nicer solution..go with @mwitter80:

I agree with both of the ladies…good luck!

Post # 8
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

@julies1949: THIS!

There is a point that some choices need to be given so that independence and decision making can be gained BUT at this age and with things like this there needs to be a clear boundary that you make the rules and set the stage and not him. It’s not the matter of him having a choice or not but a matter of his behavior if he doesn’t… throwing a fit should never be given more privelege.. and should be set straight right away.

I remember being at one of those little “play places” at the mall when DS was younger and over hearing another mother getting her daughter to leave… she told her “get your shoes on, it’s time to go….” the girl made a slight face (really hadn’t reacted too much yet) and her mom said “you can put them on now or you can get upset STILL put them on, and we won’t be back again”.. needless to say the girl knew her choice and she choose to be able to come back another time.

I’ve used this same thing with DS MANY times… (we spank in our house for direct rebellion so..) “you can clean up your room with a god attitude OR you can get a spanking for throwing a fit and then clean up your room..”

Still given a choice but now the choice is more about how it goes down as opposed to what the outcome is.

My son is now 7 and while most of the time what he wears is totally up to him there are STILL times that I go… okay you’re going to wear your brown converse with that.. and well he does. (usually for somehting like church or family thing where they match better than his other sneakers BUT point being he just needs to follow my lead sometimes w/o question)

I know that those times it’s so hard not to just give in so there isn’t a fight BUT 2 y/o is old enough to start learning the boundaries or “parent vs child” and the early it’s set the better off you are in the long run.

Goodluck =)

Post # 9
3981 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@runsyellowlites: Exactly! I used this when I was teaching pre-k (well, minus the spanking… they don’t seem to like teachers to do that. lol) and it works. I plan on doing it with my kids. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a child who knows they can get their way no matter what so long as they throw a fit. I have seen it WAY too many times as a teacher and it really isn’t good for the child or parent.

Post # 11
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I would put the shoes on him and tie the shoelaces in a knot.  Then if he tries to sit down, pick him up and tell him to remain standing and walk.  I would keep doing this so he knows YOU’RE not budging.

If he starts crying, I’d let him.  I wouldn’t give in to it.

Post # 12
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@runsyellowlites: I agree with you that there is a line. Mine doesn’t throw fits because he knows they are not tolerated. He also will elect to put himself in his room and “take some time” when he’s frustrated. However, he’s a different animal at his bio-mom’s house. It’s interesting to see how the behaivor changes based on what he knows he can get away with. He goes there 2 times per week. Today is one of those days. Today he said, “I’m glad I’m going to Mommy’s today because I am done being a good listener.” Sometimes she drops him off and she’s crying. All of our friends and family think he’s an angel. (he’s really well behaved in public) So obviously they react based on their environment.

However, as a Psychologist, I do not agree with spanking. Nor do I agree forcing a certian attitude, but to each their own. 

Post # 13
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Have you tried asking him why he gets so upset about the shoes??? It just seems odd that he will throw a fit like that. Maybe its a really silly reason, that’s easily fixed. You never know

Post # 14
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Cash000: Chosing your battles makes for a less stressed kid and a less stressed parent. There’s not point in battling the little things.

Post # 16
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m not a mom yet but I teach a class of kids at my church every weekend they range in age from 2-6. I do agree that kids can make certain choices such as whether to have milk or juice at mcdonalds but when it comes to clothes sometimes you do have to put your foot down, because you know whats best. We have a 3 yr old girl who wanted to wear her winter jacket throughout the summer. Her mom allowed her to do that because the girl would scream like a banshee if you tried to take it away from her but when she got to the class I didnt allow her to wear it in there because it was ridiculously hot, and as the teacher i have to be in charge. I told her to either take it off or go sit in “cool” corner where she couldnt join in certain activities.. she took it off and was sulking for a while but snapped out of it very quickly and for the rest of the summer she would take off her jacket as soon as she got to my class but wouldnt take it off at home or at her day care.

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