Post # 1
Ok so the hunt for new shoes began about 2 weeks ago. My sons feet grew very quickly the past 2 months. I have been regretting this day, because he loved his old boots and shoes. I haven’t been able to find the same boots for him, although I have a feeling he would know the difference anyways.
So everytime we went into a shoe store he would freak out and walk away, he’s not quite 2 yet, but he knows well enough what I was up to.
So yesterday after him running out of one store, that had the cutest Jordan runners, screaming and crying, i had enoguh, and bought him a pair from payless. They kind of look like his old runners, just newer, and velcroe vs tie ups. I threw out his old ones today because they were in really ban cond, and his feet are touching the end. And put on his new ones ready to go for a walk, and he flipped out. He seriously cried for 20 min, managed to rip them off his feet, and is now pouting.
I don’t know what to do!!!!
Post # 3
Kids hate change. The best thing to do is to get 2 different pairs and then let him chose one. This isn’t really about the shoes it’s about control. At 2 is when most toddlers want to start becoming independant. I bet if you give him a choice and don’t force him he will pick one.
Speaking from experience. We had a jacket freak out at 2. I got a blue and red one. When I said put on a jacket he would cry. When I said do you want the blue or the red jacket he would pick one and put it on.
Post # 4
You’re right. Good idea. I think I’m going to have to head out today, and find him a new pair of shoes ( yet again) and he can choose after. I did try that in the store, “which one do you like best”, between the two, and thats when he ran out of the store screaming. Oy vay!
But his boots ( that I still kept in case of emergency ) are really tight, but he might have to wear those out today. I’ll keep ya updated!
Post # 6
If you can’t be in charge when your son is not yet 2 years of age, I fear for you when he is 16.
Since when do 2 yr olds get to choose their own wardrobe?
I know this sounds harsh but we see these kids every day in ER who “refuse to take their medication” and want the nurse to force them to take it.
If he won’t wear the shoes, pick him up and take the shoes with you. If his feet get cold or he doesn’t like walking on gravel he will put the shoes on.
Post # 7
@julies1949: I definitely agree with this!!
But for a nicer solution..go with @mwitter80:
I agree with both of the ladies…good luck!
Post # 8
There is a point that some choices need to be given so that independence and decision making can be gained BUT at this age and with things like this there needs to be a clear boundary that you make the rules and set the stage and not him. It’s not the matter of him having a choice or not but a matter of his behavior if he doesn’t… throwing a fit should never be given more privelege.. and should be set straight right away.
I remember being at one of those little “play places” at the mall when DS was younger and over hearing another mother getting her daughter to leave… she told her “get your shoes on, it’s time to go….” the girl made a slight face (really hadn’t reacted too much yet) and her mom said “you can put them on now or you can get upset STILL put them on, and we won’t be back again”.. needless to say the girl knew her choice and she choose to be able to come back another time.
I’ve used this same thing with DS MANY times… (we spank in our house for direct rebellion so..) “you can clean up your room with a god attitude OR you can get a spanking for throwing a fit and then clean up your room..”
Still given a choice but now the choice is more about how it goes down as opposed to what the outcome is.
My son is now 7 and while most of the time what he wears is totally up to him there are STILL times that I go… okay you’re going to wear your brown converse with that.. and well he does. (usually for somehting like church or family thing where they match better than his other sneakers BUT point being he just needs to follow my lead sometimes w/o question)
I know that those times it’s so hard not to just give in so there isn’t a fight BUT 2 y/o is old enough to start learning the boundaries or “parent vs child” and the early it’s set the better off you are in the long run.
Post # 9
@runsyellowlites: Exactly! I used this when I was teaching pre-k (well, minus the spanking… they don’t seem to like teachers to do that. lol) and it works. I plan on doing it with my kids. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a child who knows they can get their way no matter what so long as they throw a fit. I have seen it WAY too many times as a teacher and it really isn’t good for the child or parent.
Post # 10
Ok so I can see where you ladies are comming form in the whole, 2 year old ruling the house thing. But I can assure you that my son does have discipline, and many forms do work for him when he is misbehaving. A simple time out can go a long way for correcting his attitude.
But the thing is, with this whole shoe aspect, he does not want to budge. And while in theory it would be great to let him walk around barefoot until he put his shoes on, I know exactly the opposite would go down. Firstly, we live in the city, my son cannot walk around without shoes on. There is broken glass, and cracks all along the sidewalk. I’m not puttin my child in harms way to prove a point. That IS bad parenting. Secondly, my son would probably end up sitting on the ground balling, until I was forced to pick him up ( walking away does not work in this situation, letting him crying out does not either, I have tried both) and carry him home. So he would win in that situation again.
Also, it isn’t really a matter of my son just choosing what he wants all the time. Yes he does get his way in certain aspects, a parent must pick his/her battles. But he gets really stressed out about this whole shoe situation, worse than I am used to him seeing. The time out does not work, the, ” well fine we will not go ride your tricycle” does not work. And I am 100% certain spanking him into wearing his runners will not work either.
I think I will talk it through with my fiance when he gets home, and possibly pick up another pair of shoes so he can choose. Choices do go along way for a kid.
Post # 11
I would put the shoes on him and tie the shoelaces in a knot. Then if he tries to sit down, pick him up and tell him to remain standing and walk. I would keep doing this so he knows YOU’RE not budging.
If he starts crying, I’d let him. I wouldn’t give in to it.
Post # 12
@runsyellowlites: I agree with you that there is a line. Mine doesn’t throw fits because he knows they are not tolerated. He also will elect to put himself in his room and “take some time” when he’s frustrated. However, he’s a different animal at his bio-mom’s house. It’s interesting to see how the behaivor changes based on what he knows he can get away with. He goes there 2 times per week. Today is one of those days. Today he said, “I’m glad I’m going to Mommy’s today because I am done being a good listener.” Sometimes she drops him off and she’s crying. All of our friends and family think he’s an angel. (he’s really well behaved in public) So obviously they react based on their environment.
However, as a Psychologist, I do not agree with spanking. Nor do I agree forcing a certian attitude, but to each their own.
Post # 13
Have you tried asking him why he gets so upset about the shoes??? It just seems odd that he will throw a fit like that. Maybe its a really silly reason, that’s easily fixed. You never know
Post # 14
@Cash000: Chosing your battles makes for a less stressed kid and a less stressed parent. There’s not point in battling the little things.
Post # 15
I try to talk to him, but honestly, he doesn’t speak much yet. He only says words such as, ” mom, door, truck, bus, colors, cars, blanket, noodles, etc”. He doesn’t know how to explain his emotions yet. I’m not sure what is going on, but I feel like it is more than just trying to rule the house. Like I said, he does not react this way very often, it is very extreme, however, he did do this in the beginning of summer when I tried to get him to wear his sandals.
I am making a doctors appt with his doctor this month, and just see whats going on. I am 75% sure he’s ok, but sometimes with his emotions, and behind in his speech, now nearing 2 years old, if theres something else going on.
Post # 16
I’m not a mom yet but I teach a class of kids at my church every weekend they range in age from 2-6. I do agree that kids can make certain choices such as whether to have milk or juice at mcdonalds but when it comes to clothes sometimes you do have to put your foot down, because you know whats best. We have a 3 yr old girl who wanted to wear her winter jacket throughout the summer. Her mom allowed her to do that because the girl would scream like a banshee if you tried to take it away from her but when she got to the class I didnt allow her to wear it in there because it was ridiculously hot, and as the teacher i have to be in charge. I told her to either take it off or go sit in “cool” corner where she couldnt join in certain activities.. she took it off and was sulking for a while but snapped out of it very quickly and for the rest of the summer she would take off her jacket as soon as she got to my class but wouldnt take it off at home or at her day care.