(Closed) My son wants to kill himself

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 33
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Agreeing with all the previous posters – you need to get him professional mental health care right away. If someone is suicidal, as far as I know, they can be held involuntarily for mental health care until a doctor determines they’re no longer a danger to themselves. I know this is a drastic step, but if you believe he is serious, it is one that you should very strongly consider taking. 

Someone who is very close to me had a family member commit suicide recently. The person had expressed suicidal thoughts before and was non-compliant with his mental health treatment plan. The family didn’t take further steps, and the person did finally commit suicide. Even though it’s NOT the family’s fault, the guilt they feel is overwhelming. I had always thought of committing someone against their will as a very complicated decision – and certainly, it is – but now I know that if I were ever in that position, I would take those steps. If he won’t go to the emergency room or a psych hospital voluntarily, you can call the police to escort him there. Giving away your belongings and telling people of your plan are huge warning signs that suicidal ideation is extremely serious. 

His fiancee can’t solve this problem and putting her in a position where she feels like if she doesn’t take him back, he will kill himself is terribly unfair and abusive. This is a problem that only he can solve with professional help. 

Post # 34
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I have lived with severe depression and at one time thought that taking my own life was the only way to end how terrible I felt. 

Please call the police or convince him to go to the emergency room.  When you are there, clearly explain to them that he has stated he wants to kill himself.  The depth of his pain is very real and overwhelming to him right now. 

His actions are serious indicators that he has made this decision. 

My heart goes out to you.  There is hope.  With help, he can find his way out of this, into a future with possibilities he can’t imagine right now.  I was at my lowest and a few years later I am living a beautiful, happy, full life (in a healthy, new relationship). 

Post # 35
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

You cannot fix this relationship, nor should you try. Your son broke it- there are consequences for the actions we take in life.

A healthy person would not react this way to a breakup. Your son has a mental health problem, and it is going to be there whether he is in a relationship with this woman or not.

For his own safety, you really should seek some professional help for your son. A lot of the PPs have provided you with the contact information to a lot of good resources.

Post # 36
Member
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

oh, my.  is there anyone who can stay with your son for the next few weeks.  i would not want to leave him alone.  do you think he will be open to going to therapy?  what about an intervention?

i am so sorry you are going through this.  i can’t even imagine how you are feeling.

Post # 37
Member
1395 posts
Bumble bee

Do not tell your son’s ex about this.  Using suicide threats to force someone to feel guilty/get back together is psychological abuse.  It is not her problem, anymore.  The way you talk about this situation baffles me.  The poor girl should NOT forgive your son.  HE was cheating on her!  He made this situation for himself.  Of course her parents are upset.

You need to get your son help.  Responding to a break up (one that HE caused and should have expected) with suicide threats is not healthy.  He definitely has other issues besides just being sad over a breakup.  I hope you can get him into counseling.  Until then, just make sure you guys are around him a lot.  Don’t let him be alone too much!  Show him support.

Post # 39
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Get them back together? Your son appears to have a complete plan for suicide in the works. His happy behavior toward loved ones and paying back debts are very bad signs. He needs treatment immediately. 

Post # 40
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Firstly, this is not his ex-fiancee’s problem. If she does get back with him upon hearing that he’s suicidal, she’ll resent him for guilting her into a relationship that she didn’t want in the first place. If she doesn’t get back together with him, then that’ll just highlight to him that it’s hopeless.

The fact that your son disclosed this to you shows that he really is screaming out for help.

  1. Make sure your son is not alone. At all. If he has to be left alone, make him promise to call you or another family member to check in, and he must call a crisis line if he starts to feel more like killing himself.
  2. Make a referral to a GP and start getting together a mental health plan for your son.
  3. And – this is probably most important – Listen to him. If you haven’t already, ask him what he is feeling and why he is feeling that way. Try using something called reflective listening (e.g. “I can hear that you’re be feeling pretty lost and alone right now). Most people think suicidal people should be “pulled out” of their thoughts and feelings, but it’s more likely to make them think “No one understands what I’m going through” or “No one wants or cares enough to try and understand what this is like.” It only increases the feelings of isolation.It is hard to listen to, but you owe it to your son to listen without making suggestions or trying to guilt him out of it “You can’t kill yourself! We’ll miss you!”
  4. As he talks, he may drop hints about things that hold him back from committing suicide (be it a pet, a family member that he cares for, the feelings of his ex-fiancee, or even his own personal beliefs about the morality of suicide). Squirrel these away in your mind until he’s done talking.
  5. When “the talk” is over, reflect back what you’ve heard “I know this is really tough for you, and you’re saying you want to kill yourself because you feel sad/alone/purposeless/whatever because of XYZ, but you also mentioned A, B, and C, which makes me think that, while there is a strong part of you that wants to die, part of you still wants to live. I want to keep that part alive.” (Keep in mind, you can also say “Just the fact that you’re telling me this makes me think that, deep inside, there is a part of you that wants to live.”). This is an appropriate time for you to also mention how much you love him and care for him and would miss him if he were gone.
  6. If you can show him the part of him that wants to live (believe me, it’s there), then build a safety plan for him. Ask him if he has a plan to kill himself (When, how, etc.) and work to disable that plan. If he plans to take pills, flush them down the toilet, if he’s going to shoot himself, lock up your guns and hide the key (or give them to a neighbour).
  7. If all of the above fails, and you think he is at immediate risk of harming himself, don’t hesitate to call the police. Even if it’s false alarm, I’m sure you’d rather be safe than sorry.

Good luck, and remember to take care of yourself as you support your son. This isn’t an easy task, but we will all be thinking of you.

ETA: I’m not a professional psychologist or counsellor, but I volunteer with a suicide crisis line in Australia, and this is the information we give to all third-party suicide calls.

Post # 41
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

@LadyElva:  +1 GREAT ADVICE!!

 

View original reply
@kara67:  I have tears in my eyes reading this, I have had depression for about 5 years and have been on medication for about 3. I can honestly say that I have stupidly slit my own wrists before – but it was just a cry for help. I don’t know what I would have done if my crys for help were not answered… Sure, I have a couple of scars, but they remind me of how far I’ve come.

This is your sons cry for help…

Please PLEASE seek advice from a doctor – even if your son won’t go with you. He/she will be able to advise you of the best help available in your area and give you options. I would seriously consider going to stay with him for a while, if at all possible and informing some type of suicide watch service/the police. Good luck with everything and please keep us updated darling.

xox

Post # 42
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Your son needs help, real help getting back together with his ex fiancé is not going to fix the underlying issues that have caused him to come to the conclusion that suicide is the answer. Instead of trying to get them back together try to get him healthy. There are many services available to you like counsilling and even the police. I pray for strength for you to help you son.

Post # 43
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee

I am sure you are feeling so helpless not being able to fix your sons broken heart and scared of him following through with his plan that you would do anything to help because you are a good mom but you have to understand this is in no way his ex fiances fault or problem.  Your son sounds very unhealthy and needs treatment asap. If you are really fearful he will do this call the police and have him put on a hospital hold. He may be upset with you but if worse happens you will have wished you did more to stop him. I am sorry you are feeling this way.  My best friend brother took his life. no one should have to go through that. Keep us updated.

Post # 45
Member
2405 posts
Buzzing bee

I am so sorry for you and your son. I’m glad he is somewhere safe where he can get help. It IS possible for him to recover from this emotionally and go on to have a happy life. Please tell him this, reassure him there are people who have been through this and come out the other side better off and he can be one of them. Please do NOT blame yourself. If you can’t set aside feeling responsible for his actions, you won’t be able to help him AND it will be bad for you. It would be a good idea for you to talk to a counselor as soon as possible to help you see that this isn’t your fault.

Post # 46
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@kara67:  Just read your update.  I am so so so so sorry this happened. I hope you can forgive yourself for not telling the police sooner. And I hope your son can forgive himself and choose life.  I hope his ex can forgive him for doing such a terrible thing to himself in front of her.  I will pray for you and your son now.

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